I need someone to be accountalbe to!

I see it's been almost a month since I've actually blogged my thoughts...cartoons don't really count! It seems like if I miss a couple of days it's harder to get back on track. I use the excuse that since no one really is reading this blog but me that it won't matter that I miss a few days. Then there are the days that  I just don't have anything I want to say. I haven't even been going to other blogs to get motivated and to see how everyone else is doing. I miss Grumpy..and wonder if she is having the same problem I am or if she just didn't want to "waste" her time blogging.

I wish I could say that in this last month my life has gotten better...but I can't...it hasn't gotten worse either.
I still haven't gone to the doctor to see if I have a Thyroid problem..not having any medical insurance or extra money is part of it but mostly because I have this adversion to doctors. I spent soo much time with Larry in the hospital and at doctors to no avail that I've come to believe that doctors may have alot of knowledge but mostly they can only guess at what the problem is and that the doctors of old who really cared for thier patients as people are no longer out there..now a days the medical profession is just that " profession". Doctors are out there only to make money..they don't even see you as a person..they certainly don't remember you as soon as they leave the room. Enough of the ranting..the question is Where does that leave me as far as my health goes? I'll have to get back to that after I've figured it out.

February being a short month (only 28 days) really hurt in my paychecks this month. I get paid only for the days I work so being shorted 2 days on my last paycheck of the month which i usually to pay my living expenses (electric, phones, water, etc) really hurt. My salary is pretty much at the bottom of the totem pole anyway. I tell myself that I am lucky that I have a job..there are so many people out there out of work right now...but it doesn't make it any easier for me when I have to figure out how to eat on $15 a week, because food is the only thing I am able to cut back on. This doesn't help when you are trying to eat healty and lose weight..I can eat on that amount and keep full but mostly it consists of garbage.

I have done something POSITIVE for myself this past month. I've taken up learning French again. I tried a couple of years ago and got discouraged because I just never got the "rolling of the R". But this time I have some friends who are helping me.  My friend "J" is actually planning on moving to France in a couple of years and my dream is to be able to go visit her when she does. I've joined a couple of French Clubs through Meetup.com. besides meeting up with 4 of my friends (J included) every Weds night at a french restruarant to go over what I have learned..I been signed up for About.com French for years and have been saving all my emails from them and am now going back and learning. I also have a set of tapes that I got years ago by Berlitz which I've dug out again and listen to in my truck on my way to work..as you can see..I am determined to learn this time. I just hope I can retain what I learn this time..

As far as my exercise is going...I was walking at the park with "T" for a couple of Sundays and it was nice, but she is having car problems and I'm using the excuse that I don't have the money for gas to drive all the way to the park right now.  I've hit the gym a couple of times a week but I know I need to go more often and get a real good workout. I just wish I could get motivated again. I'm fine once I get there and get started but I seem to find excused NOT to go. And I hate coming here writing about those excuses.

I haven't weighed myself this past month and I'm not sure when I will.

I hate that I sound so blah but that's how I feel today. At least I came here..
Last thought for the day...Why is it that when I'm at work on Saturday when I can't get out of the house (like yesterday),the weather is beautiful and then on Sunday (like today) when I can, it's cloudy and gloomy..I hate
it!
More later (I promise)

ALL THE SIGNS ARE THERE

I’m remembering what it was like to be “Obese” right after Lar passed away. All the pains and aggravations of being overweight and I’m realizing that that all the signs are there that I’m getting close to being right back where I was when I started this Long journey 8 years ago.

From July 2003 to October 2007 I went from weighing 235 pounds to 159 pounds (most of my weight loss I lost the first year and maintained for at least 2 years). I went from a size 22 pants to a size 10 (and they were getting too big). I felt so good.

Since October 2007 I have gained until I weighed-in today at 217 pounds and I put on size 16 pants…so although I’m not at my heaviest weight (which was 276 pounds back in 1998) I weigh more than I want to at this time in my life. If I don’t stop and change things today all the signs are there that I’m headed in the wrong direction.
REMEMBERING BACK TO 2003…. I hurt all over (especially my feet).
I could hardly walk…I remember going into WalMart using the cart from the parking lot to support myself because my feet and ankles hurt so much to walk. (My feet have started to hurt again, not as bad as then but still the Signs are there.)
My thighs rubbed together so bad that all of my pants had holes in the inseams, and I couldn’t were shorts or a skirt because then I would get a rash between the legs from sweating. (I’m back to this NOW..the Sign is There.)
When I looked down my belly was bigger than my boobs.
I wore "Granny Panties” and they would roll under my belly. (I’m back to this and I hate it…I want my sexy undies back)
I couldn’t catch my breath when I walked.
Going up a few stairs was pure agony on my knees.
Having the steering wheel up as far as it would go so I would fit behind it.

WHAT I DID IN 2003 TO CHANGE
I think the two things that helped me the most once I made up my mind that I wanted a new life was First, I signed up for a gym and hired a personal trainer. AND I stuck to it! I made myself go even when I didn’t want to. I started out easy, taking one day at a time. Second, I went on line and signed up for a support group (eDiets). I also started taking vitamins and supplements. I had a protein drink for breakfast every morning and drank at least 100 oz of water daily.

I'm hoping that by looking back at what I learned the last time I took off weight that I can do the same again.
I need to find WHY I gained this weight back this time..What I didn't do to keep it off...and WHY it isn't coming off this time although I've gone back to exercising at the gym.  I won't hire a PT this time..no monies, altho I think they are great for keeping a person on track and making sure my form is correct but after having one for 2 years, I feel that I pretty much know what I need to be doing at the gym..
I do know that my diet has changed..not so much of WHAT I eat but When I eat. When I lost the weight I was eating 5 small meals a day..now I eat 1-2  meals a day and snack in the evenings..

Need to pay attention to the signs and get my life back on track.
More later

My right upper arm

is sore today...I did get outside yesterday and I raked my yard for 4 hrs. It whooped my butt! The sad thing is I only got about 1/4 of my yard done..I did get the back yard and part of the side yard done and it looks so "pruty". I'm surprised that it's my arm is sore and not my legs...there was a lot of bending over and squats going on as I picked up all the piles of leaves and pinestraw..I put the pinestraw around my trees in the front yard which saves me monies (and who isn't all about saving monies these days) because I don't have to go and buy pinestraw. It's not as clean as the pinestraw that you buy but hey it works. I used to spend lots of time on my yard when Lar was alive but in the past 8 years I have really let it go. 

I'm thinking with the cost of gas that I might buy this reel mower.
Home Depot has them for $139. It would be good exercise for me and I couldn't use the excuse that I don't have money for gas this week.
This one has a catcher which I like.  There are cheaper ones but I like this one. I remember when my daughter was little I lived in an apartment building where I maintained the yard for money off my rent and I only had a reel mower then (of course this was over 20 years ago) and the yard was on a hill. It was work but I did it and the yard looked good.
The only thing that concerns me is that I have a lot of pine cones and those stupid little Sweetgum balls in my yard and I'm not sure that the blades won't be stuck on them all the time. I guess this will give me the incentive to make sure I finish with the raking of the yard.

I feel like I had a pretty good weekend. I've got 3 hikes lined up for Feb 28, Mar 6 & Mar 20th with my AOC group. Not sure if I'm going to end up doing all 3 but for sure I'm going to do the one on the 28th, it is on a Monday and if there is time we will visit an old cemetery (which I love doing..I know weird). I'm trying to talk some of my Thus friends on doing the one on the 6th because it's close. So far no takers on this one..They'll walk at a park with me but no hiking..

I've got my lunch and my gym bag packed for the day. I've gotten my daily read of Jack Sh*t and am ready to go to work.

More later!