I need someone to be accountalbe to!

I see it's been almost a month since I've actually blogged my thoughts...cartoons don't really count! It seems like if I miss a couple of days it's harder to get back on track. I use the excuse that since no one really is reading this blog but me that it won't matter that I miss a few days. Then there are the days that  I just don't have anything I want to say. I haven't even been going to other blogs to get motivated and to see how everyone else is doing. I miss Grumpy..and wonder if she is having the same problem I am or if she just didn't want to "waste" her time blogging.

I wish I could say that in this last month my life has gotten better...but I can't...it hasn't gotten worse either.
I still haven't gone to the doctor to see if I have a Thyroid problem..not having any medical insurance or extra money is part of it but mostly because I have this adversion to doctors. I spent soo much time with Larry in the hospital and at doctors to no avail that I've come to believe that doctors may have alot of knowledge but mostly they can only guess at what the problem is and that the doctors of old who really cared for thier patients as people are no longer out there..now a days the medical profession is just that " profession". Doctors are out there only to make money..they don't even see you as a person..they certainly don't remember you as soon as they leave the room. Enough of the ranting..the question is Where does that leave me as far as my health goes? I'll have to get back to that after I've figured it out.

February being a short month (only 28 days) really hurt in my paychecks this month. I get paid only for the days I work so being shorted 2 days on my last paycheck of the month which i usually to pay my living expenses (electric, phones, water, etc) really hurt. My salary is pretty much at the bottom of the totem pole anyway. I tell myself that I am lucky that I have a job..there are so many people out there out of work right now...but it doesn't make it any easier for me when I have to figure out how to eat on $15 a week, because food is the only thing I am able to cut back on. This doesn't help when you are trying to eat healty and lose weight..I can eat on that amount and keep full but mostly it consists of garbage.

I have done something POSITIVE for myself this past month. I've taken up learning French again. I tried a couple of years ago and got discouraged because I just never got the "rolling of the R". But this time I have some friends who are helping me.  My friend "J" is actually planning on moving to France in a couple of years and my dream is to be able to go visit her when she does. I've joined a couple of French Clubs through Meetup.com. besides meeting up with 4 of my friends (J included) every Weds night at a french restruarant to go over what I have learned..I been signed up for About.com French for years and have been saving all my emails from them and am now going back and learning. I also have a set of tapes that I got years ago by Berlitz which I've dug out again and listen to in my truck on my way to work..as you can see..I am determined to learn this time. I just hope I can retain what I learn this time..

As far as my exercise is going...I was walking at the park with "T" for a couple of Sundays and it was nice, but she is having car problems and I'm using the excuse that I don't have the money for gas to drive all the way to the park right now.  I've hit the gym a couple of times a week but I know I need to go more often and get a real good workout. I just wish I could get motivated again. I'm fine once I get there and get started but I seem to find excused NOT to go. And I hate coming here writing about those excuses.

I haven't weighed myself this past month and I'm not sure when I will.

I hate that I sound so blah but that's how I feel today. At least I came here..
Last thought for the day...Why is it that when I'm at work on Saturday when I can't get out of the house (like yesterday),the weather is beautiful and then on Sunday (like today) when I can, it's cloudy and gloomy..I hate
it!
More later (I promise)

My right upper arm

is sore today...I did get outside yesterday and I raked my yard for 4 hrs. It whooped my butt! The sad thing is I only got about 1/4 of my yard done..I did get the back yard and part of the side yard done and it looks so "pruty". I'm surprised that it's my arm is sore and not my legs...there was a lot of bending over and squats going on as I picked up all the piles of leaves and pinestraw..I put the pinestraw around my trees in the front yard which saves me monies (and who isn't all about saving monies these days) because I don't have to go and buy pinestraw. It's not as clean as the pinestraw that you buy but hey it works. I used to spend lots of time on my yard when Lar was alive but in the past 8 years I have really let it go. 

I'm thinking with the cost of gas that I might buy this reel mower.
Home Depot has them for $139. It would be good exercise for me and I couldn't use the excuse that I don't have money for gas this week.
This one has a catcher which I like.  There are cheaper ones but I like this one. I remember when my daughter was little I lived in an apartment building where I maintained the yard for money off my rent and I only had a reel mower then (of course this was over 20 years ago) and the yard was on a hill. It was work but I did it and the yard looked good.
The only thing that concerns me is that I have a lot of pine cones and those stupid little Sweetgum balls in my yard and I'm not sure that the blades won't be stuck on them all the time. I guess this will give me the incentive to make sure I finish with the raking of the yard.

I feel like I had a pretty good weekend. I've got 3 hikes lined up for Feb 28, Mar 6 & Mar 20th with my AOC group. Not sure if I'm going to end up doing all 3 but for sure I'm going to do the one on the 28th, it is on a Monday and if there is time we will visit an old cemetery (which I love doing..I know weird). I'm trying to talk some of my Thus friends on doing the one on the 6th because it's close. So far no takers on this one..They'll walk at a park with me but no hiking..

I've got my lunch and my gym bag packed for the day. I've gotten my daily read of Jack Sh*t and am ready to go to work.

More later!

Work in progress!

"All the scars of my life, both physical and emotional, are but brush strokes on the masterpiece that is me. I am a work in progress"  Darkwroth

I made it through Monday which was Lar's B'day. Sometimes it feel like just yesterday he was here with me and then days like Monday it feels like forever ago that he was able to hold me in his arms. Nine years is just a drop in the bucket unless you are living them without the one you love. I know that I will always miss him and that life does go on for me so I need to keep focused on making myself the best that I can. I will give myself a little time to grieve because I've found that when I bury those feelings they only grow bigger.
 
Sunday I went for a walk in the park with my friend Tee. It was such a beautiful sunny day. I had asked a few of my friends but Tee was the only one who made it. She and I are planning on making it a weekly (Sunday) thing.  We are both about the same size and both of us love the outdoors. She walks a little slower than me so I didn't have to worry about slowing her down.  Tee has a teenage daughter that she has to do a lot of running around for so she doesn't get much time for herself. She does go the the same gym as I do (that's where we met years ago) but she goes at a different time than I do and she does the step class (which I don't). I would like to include a couple more of our friends and make this more social. I've realized that I've been keeping myself away from my friends because of my money situation.  I hate not having the monies to do all the things they do..but Tee is pretty much in the same situation so we will find things that we can afford to do...her biggest problem right now is finding time for herself. Her daughter will be graduation from high school this year so she has big plans on what she will do after her daughter leaves for college.
 
I find that I have good days when I feel that I can accomplish anything and then I have days when all I want to do is fold up into a ball and hide. I've been struggling with the changes I feel with aging. I know that 60 years old isn't all that old but some days my body tells me that it is. When I look in the mirror I can see the changes..I guess we always expect to look young (or at least dream that we will)...I just have to find a way to live with these changes...Everything seems to be going south on me...I'm afraid of what I will look like when (not if) I do lose weight..what if all this sagging skin only gets worse? I guess the only way to find out is to do it.
 
Do not worry about Tomorrow.
For Tomorrow will worry about itself.
Each Day has enough troubles of it's own.
After All Today is the Tomorrow you worried about Yesterday.
 
More later I'm off to work!

Moving forward!

Instead of sitting around all morning and moaning/groaning about not having any monies I decided to do something about it. I just applied for a part time job (my second job) to take up some of the slack. It would be assisting an 80 plus year old woman (who's had a stroke) in the morning before I head over to take care of Princess Val. Although I've never taken care of a "senior" citizen (chuckle here because I now qualify to be one) before I have no doubt I could do this. So keeping my fingers crossed that this works out..If not then I'll look for something else. Sitting around on my Ass isn't going to make things better!..

I'm staying at home on my days off this week (trying to save gas money) instead of going to the park or the gym to work out but that is not going to stop me from getting some exercise.. Yesterday I worked out to one of my Tae Bo tapes..It was fun and amazing how much easier it was then the last time I did it (a couple of months ago)..
Today I got up and took a walk in the neighborhood...It's one of the routes I had mapped out before when I was training to do 5K & 10K runs, it has some pretty steep hills..I walked 3 miles. I didn't do any running this morning because I wanted to time myself walking..so I can work on bettering my time the next time I walk this route. It was a beautiful cool morning with a breeze..I walked at 9 pm so although I am on a main road part of the time there wasn't much traffic..The problem with where I live is there are NO sidewalks so I have to walk on the road. The last time I did this route there were some loose dogs but not today..I'm not afraid of dogs and usually don't have any problem with them but it is a worry anyway...
When I got home I took a quick shower, put on some regular jeans (it's cool out today) instead of the stretch band capri's I've been wearing and fixed myself some oatmeal/cranberries for breakfast.  Called my Daughter and wished her a Happy Birthday (how did she get so old.?.I was thinking she is only 32 but she told me she is 37 today...Where do the years go?)  Then I came here to check on some "blog" friends to see how they were doing..(it's bad but I've just spent 2 hrs reading other people's blogs..I remember how addictive this can be...LOL).
Now it's time to go to the grocery store and see what I can buy for $35 to eat the next week...A challenge if ever I've seen...but I think I'm up for it now...I'm thinking I'll make a good healthy soup that will last me a couple of days..and then I'll mow the lawn later this afternoon...
Not bad for my day off! :-)