Lost Opportunities

Again I’ve been so bad about blogging. Mostly because I’ve been bad about getting serious about losing this weight. I do want to lose weight I just don’t want to have to think about it all the time and work to lose the weight. I KNOW that’s WRONG and that it will do me NO good. If I don’t get serious about this SOON I will be back to the weight I was 8 years ago before Lar passed away. I really don’t want to be there.

I had some of my friends over last Saturday night and we sat around my new firepit and drank wine. They brought snacks to eat, humus & crackers. It was nice.

I should have gone for a walk at the park on Sunday but I used the excuses that I was too tired since we stayed up until the wee hours and no one wanted to do the walk with me. I remember a time (a few years ago) when this wouldn’t have stopped me. In fact I’ve always enjoyed walking by myself at my favorite park so I KNOW that I gave into my IC.

My neighbor “E” was suppose to come Saturday night but I got a call from her on Saturday telling me that she couldn’t come. I told her she had best have a really good excuse for not coming since I had just talked to her on Thursday night and she said she would love to come. She then told me that after she hung up from talking to me she started to have a pain in her stomach and that it got so bad that she called her Mom to take her to the hospital.

She had surgery on Friday for a perforated Colon and was in the hospital when she called me. Now that’s what I call a REALLY good excuse. She was told on Tuesday that she had a tumor and it was positive for cancer. The docs think they got it all but she has to do Chemo. I feel so bad that I have let our friendship fall to the side so much that she didn’t think to call me that night when she needed someone. When Lar was alive we saw each other a lot. Since his death we both have gone our own way, not seeing each other for weeks. Over the past few months we have been trying to get together more. I will watch her dog Morgan for her when she needs me. One of my new goals for this year is to be a better friend. I’ve never been good at keeping up friendships. I’ve always left it up to the other person to carry on, but I’m going to work on it with the rest of the stuff I have to work on..

I didn’t go to the gym at all last week for one reason or other. I did work in my yard raking for four hours on Monday and that’s about all the exercise I got all week. I really couldn’t tell you what I ate all week…except the box of Girl Scout Cookies (I remember those). I should have walked Morgan (my neighbors dog) but again I didn’t. A lost opportunity!
I did get off my  FB (in my case it's not FaceBook but Fat Butt) and signed up for 2 hikes this morning. The first on is this coming Monday afternoon.. I almost let my IC convince me that I couldn’t do it because I can’t afford the gas monies to get to the park..(it’s on the other side of town) and that with this extra weight I’ve gained this past couple of weeks I won’t be able to keep up with everyone. Then I looked over the description of the hike again this morning and it looks like one I can do (there are 5 other 60+ people on the hike so I WILL NOT use my age as an excuse). I’ll just have to figure out the monies because I really do want to go.

I went to the gym tonight and had a good workout. I pushed myself pretty hard. Did a lower body workout. I sure hope my legs don't hurt me on Monday...that's the risk I take going to the gym. I'm planning on working my upper body tomorrow night. I like going on Saturday night because I can workout in the weight room.  The last time I was there I had a really good looking guy "spot" for me. 

Life goes on! More later!

Day 3

First off I would like to tell "Grump" Thanks for all of her comments and that she has nothing to be ashamed for...we each do our own thing and truthfully although I'm determined to do this THIS week, I can't make any promises what will happen next week. We each find our own motivation in our own way. You are doing good by blogging..it helps me to know that I'm not alone in this WAR against "lazy" self...

Day 3
TaeBo tape Done
Supplements & vitamins Done
Gym Bag packed Done
Oatmeal/cranberries for breakfast Done
Lunch (soup again) packed   Done

Yep I went to the gym last night even after going over to my daughters for a few minutes...No excuses accepted! I kept my truck running while in my daughter's so I would be tempted to stay..I had to deliver some candles to her that she had ordered..
The gym is a good place for me..I saw a couple of friends that encourage me to keep coming. And I raised my weights on the bench press...whooo hooo ..I'm aiming to become the "strong older woman" of the gym...

I've been fighting a temptation today...I keep thinking about getting on the scale and weighing to see if I'm losing...I know this is not good for me...and I will wait until Monday to weigh but the temptation is killing me..
I've never been one of those people who believe in the scale because it fluctuates all the time...I've tested it myself by weighing myself several times in one day and it always read a different number.  So I WILL stay away from the scale..but what a temptation!

I put on my favorite jeans (size 16) today and had to lay on the bed to snap and zip them up (I just washed them)..this is not good...With the ab exercises I've been doing I can see the differance above my waistline but that "apron" on my lower belly just does not go away, except when I put on tight jeans then it only moves up above the waistline to become my "muffin top"..it's like a big jelly roll...moves around all over the place...this is not good..I know that the jeans will stretch out as the day goes by and fit better(at least I hope so) but in the meantime here I sit with my belly being held tight in by material and makes it hard for me to breath..(how did I do this when I was young and ALWAYS wore Tight jeans?). I try not to get discouraged about the rolls of fat I have but the one thing I do know from past experience is that although I can lose the pounds and become smaller in size, I will still have all of the extra skin hanging on my "apron"(lower belly), my "Wings" (under my arms) and "Wattle" (under my chin)..this is what happened to me when I got down to size 10.They don't look as big but they are still there flapping...I hate it but it's part of getting older I guess! I try not to think about it but it is always in the back of my mind...It doesn't change my mind about wanting to get back to my size 10 but it does bother me. I guess it comes down to me wanting to look good! Can I feel good if I don't look good? Hmmm that's the big question for me today! I do feel good about myself (as long as I don't look in the mirror or see a picture of myself)...


Day 3 Inspiration...Every little success counts!

Starting the day off right!

It's my day off today..and I've work up a good sweat with Billy Blanks Tae Bo. I feel full of energy now! I had a glass of juice and in a little while I'll fix me my oatmeal. I NEVER eat before I exercise because I would get reflux.  It takes awhile for me to feel hungry after I exercise. I like to relax so when I do eat it will stay down. I hate having stomach problems but that's life for me and I've learn how to deal with it.

I did NOT listen to my inner child last night and I DID go to the gym...I will admit that I called my Daughter to push me into going. My inner child was giving me lots of EXCUSES not to go but I didn't give in and as usual once I was there I did fine. In fact although I didn't do the treadmill for cardio, one of the Stair Monsters was free and just waiting for me so I did 20 mins on it..It kicked my butt...by the time I was done I was soaking wet with sweat but it felt good..I kept my form (no leaning over and holding onto the front of the machine as I see so many peeps doing) and upped my level. Then I did a good leg work out..(gripping here).one of the things that really bugs me about the gym is those people who sit on a machine (especially if there is only one, like the abductor machine) and visit with their friends while I'm waiting to use that machine. I will usually ask (politely) how many more sets they have and hope they take the hint...and if they don't then I move onto another machine until they leave..but it still upsets me when peeps use the gym for social hour...when I talk with others I try not to hog a machine at the same time. But I still love going to the gym.  I haven't seen the older lady that I talked with last week but I'm hoping that she is coming at a different time than me.

Still not as on track with eating as I would like to be but I am working on it. It's not that I eat food that I shouldn't, more like that I don't balance my meals like I know I need to be doing. It's hard for me to get in enough protein in my diet. I would be happy just eating Vegetables only all day long!
On the Positive side..I am doing better at controlling my sugar intake..in fact I had to ask my daughter to bring sugar ( for those people who use it in their coffee or tea) to my candle party because I didn't have any in the house and didn't want to buy any and have it here in the house. I'm using honey in my tea or drinking the loose leaf tea that my friend Corey brought me from Germany..it has dried fruit in it so I don't need any sweetener. I do so love my tea!

I finally faced the dreaded scale today and I've lost another pound for a total of six. Although I wish it was more I'm not discouraged. I know for me it just going to take time..I guess I would rather lose it slow than fast..I've done it both ways before and I need time to adjust my thinking so once I do lose it I will NOT gain it back...I want off this yo yo merry go round...

I don't have any plans on what to do with my 2 days off right now. I'm still short on money this week so don't want to burn gas running around so looks like I'll stay home. I'll probably end up reading one of my new (used) books...good thing I worked out this morning...

No excuses here!

I left my reading glasses at Princess Val's last night so am having to squint to read what I type..hopefully I have my fingers on the right keys...LOL. I want to keep to my plan of blogging each day. That means NO EXCUSES! (TG for spell check)
I did good yesterday..I went to the gym, did my cardio on the elliptical (15 mins) and the treadmill.(I walked at a 14 incline, the highest the tm machine will go, for 15 mins)..worked up a good sweat...flirted with the guy on the tm next to me...oopps...I meant I talked with him..he was nice but too young as usual. I've seen him there before and he talked to me first. Then I did strength training for the upper body. I will do my lower body (legs mostly) tonight. I really like going to the gym. I feel so good when I leave it.
I came home and steamed me some veggies for supper.
I've got my gym bag packed for tonight and am actually looking forward to going.
Now I'm off to read (squinting) to see how everyone else did yesterday.
More Later

I'm so bad!!!!

I didn't go to the gym AGAIN last night! All day my back was bothering me. Not sure what the problem was but it is better this morning (finally). So I spent the time I would have at the gym and went to the store to pick up some things I need for Friday night (should free me up to go to the gym Thurs night).
Then came home and watched The Biggest Loser. Which will probably be the last time I watch that show for this season. It's now getting more into the competition part of the show and they put that girl from Atlanta that cries all of the time that I couldn't stand in the first show on.

For the past week I haven't been able to get back into my routine at the gym for some reason or other (mostly excuses).  I have big plans to get back and really work out on a regular schedule but it seems that I'm not as COMMITTED as I need to be. I am the one holding me back. I use the excuse I want to "find myself" first before really getting serious and committing to lose this weight but after reading Jodi at Truth2BeingFit I realize that I need to commit to my exercise plan and my eating plan NOW and while I'm losing the weight work on how I can stay on my plans and not get side tracked like I have the last couple of weeks.
I'm going to follow Dr J's advice on Getting Unstuck. He really hits on exactly why I'm stuck.
So many others out there are doing it. Yes, it's harder now that I'm older, alone and broke (these are only Excuses) but I am sure there is a way to do it and I WILL figure it out. My new Mantra is not "I'm going to do it" but "I AM DOING IT"..thanks Dr.J.

No Excuses and No Apologizes

Today is my day off and I haven't done anything that I can be proud of except play on the computer, think about what I can eat... and..Oh yeah..I read a book! No exercise at all...am I discouraged with myself..NOPE...I just felt like taking a day off..NO excuses..no apologizes..I just did it!

I weighed myself this morning and I've actually lost 2 pounds this past week...(I'm determined that I'm not going to find them next week)..to some 2 pounds may not sound like a lot but to me it's a start and so much better than I've been doing in the past few months (I've gained since I started blogging)
So No Excuses and No Apologizes..I say waaahooo here I go!

I've actually done good on eating today..although I've done a lot of thinking about Just what I can eat..knowing that I'm going to take a picture of anything that goes into my mouth has made me really AWARE of just what I'm going to eat...Made me have to stop and think..

Last night I almost listened to my IC (inner child) to not take the picture of the popcorn and just eat it..if no one knows that I ate it then it doesn't count..right? But I took a firm hand with IC and said that if this is going to work for me then I have to be HONEST..I still ate the popcorn but it was only a half of mini bag (I stopped the microwave before all of it popped..lots of kernels that I couldn't eat)..it was good and I figured I hadn't done all that bad on what I ate all day...so No excuses and No Apologizes to myself...Like I said before..I'm not going to deny myself foods but I will make sure that I don't go overboard!  
(I've taken pictures of EVERYTHING I've eaten so far today and will post it Before I go to bed..that way if I decide to have a snack it will be included)..

I'm going on a hike tomorrow evening across town with the AOC group..it's a beginners hike but since I work on weekends I can't be too picky..besides I'm taking my friend Lettie with me..she's been wanting to hike...also I know the trip leader, been backpacking with her a couple of times, and She's a hoot...I really like her..She's asked me to be the "sweeper" for the group so she can concentrate on all the "newbies"...Just in case you didn't know the "sweeper" is the last person on the trail to make sure there aren't any stragglers or that anyone gets lost..Since this is where I like to hike anyway it works out great..should be a nice nice for hiking...I just wish I hadn't lost my headlamp just in case it gets dark on us..I do have a small flashlight that I can take just in case..It should be fun and I can get some exercise in..I'm not worried about this hike like I was the last one I went on..I know that I will do all right..I've been doing the treadmill and the stair"monster" at the gym and feel much better about doing anything cardio..besides I've decided that I will just do what I can ...No excuses and No Apologies...

I'm off to steam me some veggies and grill some fish for dinner (and take a picture) then maybe watch some tv...continuing with my DAY OFF...and making NO excuses and No apologizes...

Time to get Serious!

I'm feeling pretty good this morning! I've got my bag packed for the gym tonight, figured out what I'm going to take to work for lunch (although my boss has agreed to supply me with lunch his fridge yesterday didn't hold anything I wanted, so I will take my own today) and I actually took my Vitamin & Supplements today..

Vitamins & Supplements...The cramp in my foot the other day and the aches in my knee and hip joints tells me that I need to Seriously look at my diet and to start back on my Vitamins and Supplements...I'm so bad about taking them and I know that I need them and feel better when I take them. I used to (in the good ole days) take a variety of supplements and a protein drink every morning before going to the gym. But for some reason (mostly monies) I decided 2 years ago to stop all. First all let me tell you I've ALWAYS HATED taking pills..they get stuck on the way down...The vitamins I take with IRON repeat on me..just the smell of IRON makes me sick.which probably dates back to when I was a kid and had to take this liquid iron medicine everyday...I had rickets due to a poor diet...I know now that My Mom did her best but trying to bring up 4 kids by yourself on welfare in the 50's had to be really Tough..I could blame my Mom on my eating habits and the reason I got fat in the first place but It wouldn't serve any purpose now because I can't change what happened then only what happens NOW. 

(Warning Tangent coming)
Like any one who has ever been fat and lost and gained it back (yoyoyoyoing) I've tried many differant "diets", bought & read alot of books on what I'm "suppose" to be eating and even joined the support groups..eDiets & SparkPeople so I KNOW what is " right"  and what is "wrong" to eat..I KNOW what I need to be doing NOW and I know that I can take the weight off (once I really set my mind to it)..I've done it before..but what really worries me is that I won't keep it off..that something deep down inside me WANTS to be FAT...it's where my "Comfort Zone" is..I thought I had all this figured out the last time I lost the weight..I thought I had fought all my demons and won...but obviously I didn't or I won't have fallen back when things went "bad" for me. The thing is I also KNOW that this HAS to be the last time I do this Battle because I don't have any time left...For Pete's Sake I'm 60 years old...I think I'm am the oldest "Dieter" in Blogland...I'm just too Old to keep doing this..As Susan Powers Said ..I need to "STOP THE INSANITY"..
I need to Stop making excuses and get serious about What I am eating! I want to feel good about myself with the time I do have left.

So I'm taking a good hard look at every bite of food I take (I hate this part) and make sure that I'm getting all of the nutrients I need. I already know that I don't get enough protein and Calcium...I'm looking for a good protein drink that doesn't need milk, soy or other..I can't handle anything thick, it makes my chest congested and I spend about an hour coughing afterwards..The good thing is.this does keep me from having any ice cream or milk shakes (I would die for a Blizzard) ...I can tell you right now that I haven't been eating enough fresh greens..I use the excuse that I hate "packaged" greens.(which is all that WallyWorld where I get most of my groceries from carries, especially spinach which I love)... I know that I can go to the Farmers Market (something I still haven't done because there isn't one conveniently close to me) but truthfully I don't see that happening soon....The other thing I know that I WON'T do is count calories..I know it works for a lot of people but for me it is just too frustrating and I can only do it for a couple of days..I've tried tracking (writing down) what I eat and that doesn't work for me either...OK I know what I Won't do now I have to find what I WILL DO...I do know that I need to be AWARE of what I'm eating..(mindless eating is one of my biggest faults) then I can use all this knowledge I've gained over the years and eat what I know I should be eating..I read somewhere recently .."Food is not the enemy" (I'll blog more on this later..running out of time this morning)..

So the Positive Side...Although I  know that I have a ways to go yet I feel that I've improved my life so much over the past few months.  I am feeling GOOD about myself..I'm getting exercise (yay the gym, 5K's and hiking)..I've brought myself out of "seclusion" and have started taking pride in How I look (love my new color and haircut)...

Catch Up Time..

Where did the time go?..I see it's been a full week since I've Blogged...

Food  ...I still haven't conquered the food tracking...truthfully I'm not even trying. I am trying to watch WHAT I eat but I know I've got a long ways to go before I get it right. Not going to give up though..I just have to find a way that works for me..

Exercise..The gym...I love it..I've been taking it slow and building up..because I didn't want to be so sore that I couldn't move...but I do know that I have to be a little sore or I'm not going to build the muscle back like I want.  I went last night and pushed myself on doing legs...second time since I've joined back. It felt good..my legs were tired when I left the gym but they don't feel to bad today. I still haven't done the treadmill...but tonight I will..I want start off with interval jogging (can't truthfully call what I do running)...to see if I can build myself back up to running... I still want to do a 5K in the future...looking at the one @ the end of September.
First I'll see how my knees do on the treadmill and then maybe I'll go back to the park next time I'm off work and see how I do..I know if I keep pushing myself a little bit at a time I can get to where I want...just not sure about the time line...I refuse to get discouraged..if running isn't something I can do..then I'll find something else that I can do.

Motivation..I've been invited to go a Wedding in September with some friends...I would like to lose some of this excess fat around my belly by the time I go so the skirt I'm planning on wearing will fit me better..I know I won't be skinny by then (if ever)..but I want to feel good about myself. I know all my friends support me and do not judge me..I do enough of that myself...but I don't want to embarrass them..
I'm getting my hair cut on Aug 10th..keep your fingers crossed it turns out good..at least if not I'll have a couple of weeks for it to grow out before the wedding..LOL..

Excuses...I still keep making them...Didn't go to the gym a couple of times because I was too sore...or it was raining..and one other was I visited my daughter instead..Ok maybe that one was a good reason not excuse...I need to commit to the gym..and stick to it...I know once I get to the gym and start my workout that all is good and then I'm glad I went..

As for eating..I bought ice cream this week because it's hot here in Georgia..now I know ice cream makes me cough for at least an hour after..and the sugar tears up my stomach...also keeps me awake all night..so why do I keep eating it?.The Evil part of me tells me I deserve it and it taste sooo good....and that I have cut back on the scoops and etc. etc..etc..I'm not going to beat myself up about it because it's not the end of the world if I have some ice cream..it's just that I feel I'm not getting control of what I eat. This IS the biggest problem I have. I'm addicted to food...I know I need to find a way to keep from sabotaging myself..I need to take a close look at WHY I do it..just not today...(not good)...

Journaling or blogging...need to figure out why it's so hard to come here some days and easy other days..

I'm still struggling with making myself go out  and do things..I've been advoiding some of my friends...not because I don't want to see or hear from them..but because I'm ashamed of what I've let myself become..
It's so easy just to pick up a book and escape into a fantasy world.

So on the Positive Side...What I did right this past week.....I went to the gym 4 times...I met with my freind Cory and got caught up with him since he's gotten back from his summer trips..I spent time with my Daughter and Granddaughter..even went out to supper with them.  Last night I spoke on the phone with my friend D (who talks forever on the phone).  As I've always said..I'm taking it one step at a time..
More later