Time to get Serious!

I'm feeling pretty good this morning! I've got my bag packed for the gym tonight, figured out what I'm going to take to work for lunch (although my boss has agreed to supply me with lunch his fridge yesterday didn't hold anything I wanted, so I will take my own today) and I actually took my Vitamin & Supplements today..

Vitamins & Supplements...The cramp in my foot the other day and the aches in my knee and hip joints tells me that I need to Seriously look at my diet and to start back on my Vitamins and Supplements...I'm so bad about taking them and I know that I need them and feel better when I take them. I used to (in the good ole days) take a variety of supplements and a protein drink every morning before going to the gym. But for some reason (mostly monies) I decided 2 years ago to stop all. First all let me tell you I've ALWAYS HATED taking pills..they get stuck on the way down...The vitamins I take with IRON repeat on me..just the smell of IRON makes me sick.which probably dates back to when I was a kid and had to take this liquid iron medicine everyday...I had rickets due to a poor diet...I know now that My Mom did her best but trying to bring up 4 kids by yourself on welfare in the 50's had to be really Tough..I could blame my Mom on my eating habits and the reason I got fat in the first place but It wouldn't serve any purpose now because I can't change what happened then only what happens NOW. 

(Warning Tangent coming)
Like any one who has ever been fat and lost and gained it back (yoyoyoyoing) I've tried many differant "diets", bought & read alot of books on what I'm "suppose" to be eating and even joined the support groups..eDiets & SparkPeople so I KNOW what is " right"  and what is "wrong" to eat..I KNOW what I need to be doing NOW and I know that I can take the weight off (once I really set my mind to it)..I've done it before..but what really worries me is that I won't keep it off..that something deep down inside me WANTS to be FAT...it's where my "Comfort Zone" is..I thought I had all this figured out the last time I lost the weight..I thought I had fought all my demons and won...but obviously I didn't or I won't have fallen back when things went "bad" for me. The thing is I also KNOW that this HAS to be the last time I do this Battle because I don't have any time left...For Pete's Sake I'm 60 years old...I think I'm am the oldest "Dieter" in Blogland...I'm just too Old to keep doing this..As Susan Powers Said ..I need to "STOP THE INSANITY"..
I need to Stop making excuses and get serious about What I am eating! I want to feel good about myself with the time I do have left.

So I'm taking a good hard look at every bite of food I take (I hate this part) and make sure that I'm getting all of the nutrients I need. I already know that I don't get enough protein and Calcium...I'm looking for a good protein drink that doesn't need milk, soy or other..I can't handle anything thick, it makes my chest congested and I spend about an hour coughing afterwards..The good thing is.this does keep me from having any ice cream or milk shakes (I would die for a Blizzard) ...I can tell you right now that I haven't been eating enough fresh greens..I use the excuse that I hate "packaged" greens.(which is all that WallyWorld where I get most of my groceries from carries, especially spinach which I love)... I know that I can go to the Farmers Market (something I still haven't done because there isn't one conveniently close to me) but truthfully I don't see that happening soon....The other thing I know that I WON'T do is count calories..I know it works for a lot of people but for me it is just too frustrating and I can only do it for a couple of days..I've tried tracking (writing down) what I eat and that doesn't work for me either...OK I know what I Won't do now I have to find what I WILL DO...I do know that I need to be AWARE of what I'm eating..(mindless eating is one of my biggest faults) then I can use all this knowledge I've gained over the years and eat what I know I should be eating..I read somewhere recently .."Food is not the enemy" (I'll blog more on this later..running out of time this morning)..

So the Positive Side...Although I  know that I have a ways to go yet I feel that I've improved my life so much over the past few months.  I am feeling GOOD about myself..I'm getting exercise (yay the gym, 5K's and hiking)..I've brought myself out of "seclusion" and have started taking pride in How I look (love my new color and haircut)...

A day in my life...

I started out planning to come here and blog EVERY day no matter what...but I haven't been doing so well at it..I have composed a few blogs that I decided not to post because they were too Negative...alot of beating myself up because I'm not doing what I said I was on April 1st...and here it is 3 weeks later and I've still not got it under control...Who knew how hard this was going to be?  I did! That's why I've put off (which is the easier way) of trying to get control of my life and weight ...

It's so easy to come home in the morning after work and sit at the computer, go to FB and play MW...and before you know it..it's time to go to work for the evening...and I haven't done any of the things I promised myself that I would do..hmmmm...
I need to turn this around NOW...Instead of Beating myself up this week I'm going to look at what I have done right and what else I need to do..

Sure I have been walking at the park about 2-3 times a week..need to up this to everyday..
Eating has been better on the most part but still not where I need it to be IF I truly want to lose this weight..
I did lose about 5 pounds the first week but I found 4 of them back...
I went back to drinking Decaf Green Tea with honey instead of Black tea with sugar...my tummy is doing better thanks...but still not drinking enuff Water...

I've been soo cold lately..can't seem to warm up and I use this as an excuse not to do anything...I need to get motivated and move around some...get out one of my exercise tapes and work up a sweat..that should warm me up...
so off I go...
More Later

Fuel for my body!

Yesterday I was remined by Dave, a friend who was on eDiets with me a couple of years ago, of something I believed then and have forgotten.

"Sue - I remember when we were all on eDiets and you telling us that you needed to remember that food is just FUEL FOR YOUR BODY. Nothing more: it can't make you happy or destressed...it's just fuel...just thought i'd give you a friendly reminder! :-D"

I've been stressing about what I eat and moaning about how I can't control my "comfort" eating and putting off writing anything about eating because I felt that I wasn't ready to look closely at my eating habits...which I know are "out of control". Sure I can eat "good" one day but find excuses the rest of the week for eating foods that I know are Not what I need to be eating.

This morning while walking at the park I got to thinking about "FUEL FOR MY BODY" and comparing it to my truck..Now my famous "Pink Truck" is a lot like me..she's getting older (I bought her new back in 1995) and she's had some hard wear & tear and isn't in the best of shape..but I love this truck..
Due to my money situation I've been putting the cheapest fuel I can find in her and haven't been changing oil or tires on her like I should...About a month ago she started to running bad...cutting out on me and having no power..and my friend Tommy the mechanic took a look at her and basically told me that I need to get a new vechicle because there was too much wrong with her..I don't have the money to even think about buying a new one and besides like I said "I LOVE MY TRUCK" and I'm not ready to give her up YET...My SIL put used tires on her and changed her oil for me and I decided that I would just drive her until she quit on me...
But I also decided to start putting the better  fuel back in her too...After a couple of weeks of using the better grade fuel I noticed that she quit "cutting out" out on me and has more power...Not as much as she had when she was new but much better...it is costing me more but it's definately worth it if I can keep my truck longer.

So I got to thinking about what "Fuel" I put in my body and expect it to run the way I want it too. I know that when I eat refined sugars, I get heartburn and end up coughing alot...but I've convinced myself that the candies/cookies and sugar in my tea taste sooo good and is so much cheaper that it's okay to eat them now and then (truthfully all the time).  I also know that my body doesn't function as good with the bread/pasta/potatoes that consist of most of my diet and I KNOW this has contributed to my weight gain. I also "cut out" (run out of energy) and have no power.  Although it's cheaper(?) to eat these foods I would feel so much better if instead of the candies/cookies I have a piece of fruit (which I happen to like also)...fresh steamed veggies work wonders for me instead of the bread/pasta/potatoes...oh I'm not saying I can NEVER have these things, it's just that like my truck I run better on the better grade "fuel".  There are times I still use the cheaper fuel in my truck but I only put enough in it until I can get the better grade fuel..I never fill up with it.  So I know that I will still have times when I eat the "wrong" thing but IF I can get back into my mind that this is FUEL for my body then hopefully I will be conservative with it and get right back to eating the better grade "Fuel"..That way I can see changes in my body and how I feel...
Thanks to my friend Dave for reminding me and helping me get back on the track.