What I ate today!



p'butter toast, banana & mango juice



salad



vegetable soup, pretzel thins & iced tea




pineapple jello



Happiness?

Each day I read other blogs to "motivate" me...or just because I want to know that I'm not alone in this search for the "Me" I know I can be..Today Jodi over at Truth 2 Being Fit talked about what makes you happy. Will reaching my goal make me happy? Well Sure but I think I can find happiness Now too..I don't want to wait till I reach a certain number on the scale to be happy..

So I got to thinking about Just What makes me happy NOW?..here's a few on my list! (in no particular order)

*Waking up in the morning to the sun shining through my windows!
*Seeing my grandkids laughing and playing with their parents..growing up to be such great people.
*Walking at the park early in the morning, watching the geese fly over the lake.
*Watching the season change & playing in the leaves...yep..I'll always be a kid at heart..
*Sitting down on my back porch to read a book.
*Going to the book store and browsing....
*Remembering good times I had with my husband when he was alive..this also makes me a little sad sometimes but I'm happy I have such good memories.
*Being able to walk into the gym and knowing that I am on "Plan".

I don't know about anyone else out there but I'm not waiting till I'm "the perfect" size to enjoy life..Life has a way of not waiting for you!

What I ate today!

oatmeal/cranberries w honey

leftover pasta



grilled salmon, sweet potato, a salad & iced tea



Eating on a budget

I went over my $35 budget by $5 at WalMart...so what does $40 buy?  Not a whole lot! Now I just have to figure out what I'm having for supper. 

I actually don't think I did all that bad!

Moving forward!

Instead of sitting around all morning and moaning/groaning about not having any monies I decided to do something about it. I just applied for a part time job (my second job) to take up some of the slack. It would be assisting an 80 plus year old woman (who's had a stroke) in the morning before I head over to take care of Princess Val. Although I've never taken care of a "senior" citizen (chuckle here because I now qualify to be one) before I have no doubt I could do this. So keeping my fingers crossed that this works out..If not then I'll look for something else. Sitting around on my Ass isn't going to make things better!..

I'm staying at home on my days off this week (trying to save gas money) instead of going to the park or the gym to work out but that is not going to stop me from getting some exercise.. Yesterday I worked out to one of my Tae Bo tapes..It was fun and amazing how much easier it was then the last time I did it (a couple of months ago)..
Today I got up and took a walk in the neighborhood...It's one of the routes I had mapped out before when I was training to do 5K & 10K runs, it has some pretty steep hills..I walked 3 miles. I didn't do any running this morning because I wanted to time myself walking..so I can work on bettering my time the next time I walk this route. It was a beautiful cool morning with a breeze..I walked at 9 pm so although I am on a main road part of the time there wasn't much traffic..The problem with where I live is there are NO sidewalks so I have to walk on the road. The last time I did this route there were some loose dogs but not today..I'm not afraid of dogs and usually don't have any problem with them but it is a worry anyway...
When I got home I took a quick shower, put on some regular jeans (it's cool out today) instead of the stretch band capri's I've been wearing and fixed myself some oatmeal/cranberries for breakfast.  Called my Daughter and wished her a Happy Birthday (how did she get so old.?.I was thinking she is only 32 but she told me she is 37 today...Where do the years go?)  Then I came here to check on some "blog" friends to see how they were doing..(it's bad but I've just spent 2 hrs reading other people's blogs..I remember how addictive this can be...LOL).
Now it's time to go to the grocery store and see what I can buy for $35 to eat the next week...A challenge if ever I've seen...but I think I'm up for it now...I'm thinking I'll make a good healthy soup that will last me a couple of days..and then I'll mow the lawn later this afternoon...
Not bad for my day off! :-)

What I ate today!

 I got a slow start on eating today. Finally around noon I fixed an egg/mushroom omelet wrapped in a fajita tortilla with some celery for crunchiness.
It satisfied my until dinner...

 For Dinner I decided to treat myself with a glass of wine and some pasta with kidney beans/onion & tomato...Also made a new centerpiece for my dining room table from the pinecones & plants from my yard..I think it turned out nice.

Then I treated myself with  dessert a small bowl of pineapple jello!.
It took care of my sweet tooth..

Mixed feelings today!

Anxious...As usual monies have a lot to do with how I'm feeling today. I am short of it this coming month and I'm trying NOT to let it rule me. I will find a way to deal with it WITHOUT turning to food for comfort. I dread the next couple of months due to the holidays..Mainly because if I don't work I don't get paid. With my type of work I don't get any benefits..no Paid Holidays...In October the family I work for will be taking a vacation to the seaside..I'm happy for them but since I live on a very tight budget the three days I won't be working mean that I will be really strapped for monies. Not sure how I'm going to handle it but I know that EATING anything I can get my hands on is not the answer..

Happy...I weighed myself this morning and I'm down another 2 pounds..Whoohooo..I've been doing pretty good on eating..not that I'm on a "DIET" but I've been trying to balance my meals and to limit my snacks.
I've found that when I eat a good supper/dinner with protein and carbs I'm not so hungry at night..I still have the urge to "graze" as soon as I get home but have found that is more of a reflex than real hunger...usually a cup of hot tea take care of the problem..Been pretty much on with taking pictures (this seems to really work for me) except on Sunday..(I'm not going to "beat" myself up over it but TRY not to let it happen to often,...and make sure I get right back on track..(which I did yesterday).

Hopeful...My goal for October is to get down below 210 pounds. I goal for 2010 is by Christmas to weigh less than 200 pounds..I know that this shouldn't be all that hard because I've 3 months to lose 15 pounds but every time I set a timeline for a goal I seem to sabotage myself and I don't want to set myself up for that so I'm going to go month my month...October will be a challenge because of the monies but I will find a way..If determination is all I have then I will use that to the full extent..I may end up eating soups most of the month but hey..I like soups..NO Halloween candies for this girl!..

Proud..this past week I accomplished 2 of my goals...I went hiking and I walked/ran in a 5K..I'm not sure what I will do for an exercise goal for October yet but I'm looking out for something.  I would love to do some backpacking but since I work weekends and don't have the monies to take off, it looks like I will have to wait on this one..I'm going to set new goals for October!

Jealous..I see my friends doing things I would love to be doing..like backpacking, going out to nice restaurants...etc..all things that I can't do right now because of MONIES...but I'm not letting it eat me up..I know there are things I CAN do and I will find them..

Thankful....that I have a place that I can come and put all my feeling out there with out the fear of being judged...and to know that I'm not alone in this stuggle to find myself.

Oppps..Missed 2 days

What did I eat?  I did take pictures of what I ate on Saturday but I'm not going to post it, not that I did bad on eating..I just don't want to post it tonight....Gave it up for a lost cause yesterday and didn't take any pictures of what I ate (which was mostly junk)... but I'm back on track today.

This is WHAT I ATE TODAY!


Hot tea/P'butter & honey toast




veggie burger, tomato slice & strawberries
Yummy



steamed cabbage  & brocolli with kidney beans

So far it's working for me!

Taking pictures of what I'm eating everyday and posting it here has really helped me curb my "mindless" eating in the evening...also at work where for some reason he's has started to bring in junk foods...

I've had to fight (and win) with my IC every night but I'm determined if I'm going to do this I'm going to do it honestly and right...that means I will not give into my inner child who argues with me that I can still have just a few bites of something and not take a picture..especially in the evening when I want something sweet..Nope so far every bite of Food that I've eaten has had it's picture taken...And I've found a way to satisfy that sweet tooth of mine in the evening..I have a cup of hot tea with honey instead..I don't take a picture of it because I feel that my real struggle is with food not what I drink..If I'm having tea with my meal then it will be included other wise not.

The one thing I've found interesting is that by this Picture Taking..I've had to really think about what I'm eating...I want the picture to look good...No more eating out of the pan that I cooked it in or the package...
no more grab & eat...I actually have to wait a few minutes before stuffing food into my mouth..a lot of times this gives me time to realize I really don't want it..for instance I've had the one fudgesickle for over a week..a couple times in the evening I started to eat it when I realized a cup of hot tea would satisfy me just as well..
Last night when I came home from work I was hot and tired, didn't feel really good and wanted that fudgesickle...(even after I took the picture) so I decided to eat it without any guilt...It was good and just what I needed...
I may not be losing any weight but I feel better because I feel that I have CONTROL over what I'm eating now...with "mindless" eating there is no Control...

So on Weds I went "hiking" with my AOC group...I say "hiking" because it really was just a walk in the park and not a hike. We only did 2 1/2 miles at a local park and it was more like a "social" walk...but it was for beginners and Pam (the leader) had a lot of information to give new hikers.. I did my part in being the "sweeper" bringing up the rear of the group...It was fun..not sure how much exercise I really got though..

Tonight I'm headed over to my friend Lettie's for a Candlelight Party...There will be food I'm sure but I never have problems with that..Although I'm thinking I probably eat more than I realize just grazing on food..so I will have my handy dandy cell camera with me...and before it goes in my mouth there will be a picture taken...

Tomorrow morning (bright and early) is my 5K walk/run...I haven't done well on the Big Plan I had to get myself into running so I will most likely walk most of the way..I won't be surprized if I'm one of the last peoples to finish..but I know I'll finish...I'm not worried that I can't do it because I know I can do 3 miles pretty easy walking...My daughter says she's coming to cheer me on..I've got my new Knee Strap so that should help with my right knee which has been giving me a lot of pain in the morning...

On the Positive Side...I've been taking my vitamins & supplements all week...still hate it but I know that I need them...

What I ate today!

califlower/carrot/celery snak



oatmeal/cranberries & banana



pizza & green beans





brocolli/potato soup





fudgesickle

What I ate today!

cantalope



leftover pizza




chex mix/cranberries/almond mix




bean burrito, chips & hot tea



What I ate today!



p'butter/honey toast, banana and hot tea

 


left over pizza

 


cranberries/almond snack for hike

 


veggie burger w tomato & avacado



Challenge for Me!

Last night I watched Season 10 The Biggest Loser first episode...Now understand that I'm not one of the shows "biggest" fans (lol)..I was faithful for the first 2 seasons but got tired of the unrealistic way they did the show and all the "drama"...but I do like to see the first episode to see who is going to "the Ranch"...to hear the contestants stories..how they got to thier size and what is motivating them...then I'll tune in every once in awhile just to see how they are doing..I say "unrealistic" because I don't believe that anyone can lose as much weight as they do on this show WITHOUT help...6 hrs of exercise a day..who can do that..you definately need a medical person on staff with you...
Anyway back to the show...TBL went to 7 cities (Atlanta included) and had 3 contestants from each city in competition against each other to see which 2 would go to "The Ranch" (I figure the 3rd person will eventually end up on the show sooner or later)..Now understand each of these contestants are at least 100 pounds overweight (if not more) and they expected them to either do a 1 mile run or 500 step-ups on a platform..That would be like a normal person doing it while carrying a 100 # bag of something...I cringe just to think about it...

I'm not sure I could do the 500 step-ups.(even without carrying anything)..so it got me to thinking about Challenging myself to see if I could..Since I don't have a Platform (and I don't want to do this at the gym) I looked around the house to see what I had that would work...and the closest thing I could find is step up out on the back patio. I've been doing the Stair"Monster" at the gym but I really don't pay any attention on how my steps I actually do..I just put my time (20 mins) in and then get off..It kicks my butt everytime..So MY

CHALLENGE to myself is to see IF I can do 500 step-ups and how long it takes me..I did do 100 pretty easy today just to see if the step would work but didn't time myself..I figure I'll do it in the morning before coming here and going to work...then as I get better at it..I'll move over to where it's a higher step..until I can do that..this is a great workout for the butt..and I've been b*tching lately (to myself)  about how WIDE and SAGGY my butt is...

Back to the show...one of the things that was said last night that made me stop and think(I think Bob said it) is that "Obesity has surpassed smoking as number one cause of preventable deaths in this country"..This is not only sad but SCARY...we are literally EATING ourselves to our deaths...Being a child of the 60's I can remember all the hoopla that came out when the Surgeon General declared smoking hazardous to our health and how everyone jumped on the bandwagon to quit..second hand smoking was and still is considered hazardous...I can see how Eating can be "hazardous" also but it's something we need for our bodies...so maybe we could say "UNHEALTHY"  EATING is Hazardous to our health..

I actually cried a couple of times during the show...(I know I'm really a softy at heart)..one was when Corey a 27 yr old man with dreadlocks (in Portland) actually collapsed 20 yds from the finish line of the 1 mile challenge..I was so cheering for him..he needs help so much..he weighs 391 pounds and is sooo young..to think that he couldn't even make 1 mile makes me cry for him...

The other was when a young mother Lisa in Oklahoma City was telling about having to take her young daughter to the emergency room because she couldn't see..She found out that her daughter was very dehydrated and was literally starving herself because she didn't want to be heavy like her mom..and the sad thing is the stats show that this child has a reason to worry...Jacksh*t blogged about this today. I know that when my daughter was growing up it was a BIG worry for me, but not enough for me to change our (my husbands and mine) way of eating..I used my husband as an excuse but that's exactly what it was..Now I see my daughter (who has gained extra weight in the last few years) doing the same thing..although her daughter isn't heavy (yet), my g'son has the potential to be heavy..this worries me that it's all my fault that she is heavy now and that the g'kids will carry that tradition into their lives..It's not a good thing..

Today is the first day of Fall...why is it still hot here in Atlanta...of course pretty soon I'll be bitching about the cold..so I guess I'll just go an enjoy the heat while I can..

I'm off to find something comfortable to wear this evening on my hike..Hopefully I'll see the moon again tonight...it was so pretty last night.

What I ate today!



Hot Choc & P'butter toast








Mango Fruit Chiller

 


Homemade Pizza & Iced tea



Fish, brocolli & carrots









No Excuses and No Apologizes

Today is my day off and I haven't done anything that I can be proud of except play on the computer, think about what I can eat... and..Oh yeah..I read a book! No exercise at all...am I discouraged with myself..NOPE...I just felt like taking a day off..NO excuses..no apologizes..I just did it!

I weighed myself this morning and I've actually lost 2 pounds this past week...(I'm determined that I'm not going to find them next week)..to some 2 pounds may not sound like a lot but to me it's a start and so much better than I've been doing in the past few months (I've gained since I started blogging)
So No Excuses and No Apologizes..I say waaahooo here I go!

I've actually done good on eating today..although I've done a lot of thinking about Just what I can eat..knowing that I'm going to take a picture of anything that goes into my mouth has made me really AWARE of just what I'm going to eat...Made me have to stop and think..

Last night I almost listened to my IC (inner child) to not take the picture of the popcorn and just eat it..if no one knows that I ate it then it doesn't count..right? But I took a firm hand with IC and said that if this is going to work for me then I have to be HONEST..I still ate the popcorn but it was only a half of mini bag (I stopped the microwave before all of it popped..lots of kernels that I couldn't eat)..it was good and I figured I hadn't done all that bad on what I ate all day...so No excuses and No Apologizes to myself...Like I said before..I'm not going to deny myself foods but I will make sure that I don't go overboard!  
(I've taken pictures of EVERYTHING I've eaten so far today and will post it Before I go to bed..that way if I decide to have a snack it will be included)..

I'm going on a hike tomorrow evening across town with the AOC group..it's a beginners hike but since I work on weekends I can't be too picky..besides I'm taking my friend Lettie with me..she's been wanting to hike...also I know the trip leader, been backpacking with her a couple of times, and She's a hoot...I really like her..She's asked me to be the "sweeper" for the group so she can concentrate on all the "newbies"...Just in case you didn't know the "sweeper" is the last person on the trail to make sure there aren't any stragglers or that anyone gets lost..Since this is where I like to hike anyway it works out great..should be a nice nice for hiking...I just wish I hadn't lost my headlamp just in case it gets dark on us..I do have a small flashlight that I can take just in case..It should be fun and I can get some exercise in..I'm not worried about this hike like I was the last one I went on..I know that I will do all right..I've been doing the treadmill and the stair"monster" at the gym and feel much better about doing anything cardio..besides I've decided that I will just do what I can ...No excuses and No Apologies...

I'm off to steam me some veggies and grill some fish for dinner (and take a picture) then maybe watch some tv...continuing with my DAY OFF...and making NO excuses and No apologizes...

What I ate today!



Breakfast




snack

















Lunch







Supper







snack



What's floating around in my head? Pictures of food & "Child Within!

I woke up this morning with an idea that I think WILL work for me as far as my "eating problems" goes.
I was thinking about the statement I made that I NEVER have a problem with eating out at events. I gave the reason as I don't want to cough and this is true but even truer is that I'm always aware or think that people are watching what I eat and thinking "no wonder she's fat"...I do have a couple of rules for eating out that I follow..1 is that I don't (normally) eat anything that I can or will fix for myself at home..for an example.. if it's a salad there has to be something differant about it than the one I fix at home...and 2 is to take only a small amount..this works pretty good for me..

My biggest problem is eating at home by myself in the evening...I have no "will power" and I do what I call "mindless eating"...most of the time I couldn't even tell you WHAT I ate later...I need to get this under control so I CAN lose this weight.

I've decided to use this Blog as a group of people who will see everything I eat...as I said before I hate journaling (writing down every bite I eat) and counting calories...but If I were to take a picture of everything I eat in a day (taken before I eat it) and post it here DAILY this could act as if I'm eating in front of people...I don't have a digital camera BUT I do have a camera on my cell phone (which is always with me)..this is what I've taken the pictures I post here with. I'm sure there is someone out there in blogland that is doing this but it's a new idea for me..I know that Skwigg will post pictures of what she eats every once in a while..
I want to keep it simple..I plan on posting every night before going to bed..No words (maybe occasionally) just pictures.. this will be a "visual" reminder to me (and I am a visual person) so I can figure out what I really am eating and what I need to change...Please note that I am a firm believer in that there is no "BAD" foods . If I want to have a fudge bar and I feel that I've been good with whatever else I've eaten that day then I will "treat" myself..it's not the fudge bar is "bad", it's the combination of all I've eaten. No excuses!  Anyway I'm going to give this a try and see how it works for me..

The other thing I've been thinking about lately is those "inner voices" that I give into Way to much. I was reading a blog (and I'm sorry but I don't remember who's) and they were talking about how when you say "no" to a child that you shouldn't give into them...this made me think about when I was with eDiets and we talked about our "inner child" or those "inner voices"...This also made me think about when my daughter and niece were small and they would ask for something, If I said "no" they knew not to argue because I wouldn't change my mind..but if my sister said "no" they would bug her until she gave in..and if I said "let me think about it" they knew that there was a chance that they would get what they wanted IF they kept quiet about it..If they bugged me usually I would end up saying "no" unless they could give me a good reason (which my niece was famous for doing)..Then I also remembered If I told the girls to do something I expected them to do it without arguing with me...My "child within" (inner voices) doesn't listen to me most of the time...she rules the day but that is going to Stop...I've had years of experience dealing with children and I know how to be firm but fair. I need to start dealing with my own "child within" as if she/they were real children.

A fun time was had at the Wedding!

Last night I went to my friends Marcia & Nelson's wedding and I got to bring home this beautiful flower arrangement that was on the tables at the reception. I love them and I also realized it's been YEARS since I've been given flowers..hmm what's up with that? Whatever...they look really nice on my table and I'm enjoying them.

The wedding was held outside and of course it was beautiful..including my friend Marcia...When I first met her 6 years ago I was so jealous because she although she wasn't "skinny", she was the size I wanted to be..I was still about 20 pounds from my goal of 149 pounds at that time (a goal I never did reach). Well, the years haven't been good to Marcia as far as her weight is concerned...but they have been good to her in that she found the man she loves and who loves her no matter what. Although she weighs about 50 pounds more than she did a few years ago, She looked beautiful in her long wedding gown..she looked so happy..I know that she has been struggling to lose weight before the wedding date and just couldn't do it..I'm happy for her (not that she couldn't do it LOL but that she is so happy)...(and I'm not jealous of her any longer).
The reception was fun...they had lots of food of course, but I never have trouble eating at any events..I had a small plate with salad and a shrimp/rice dish..I also had a carrot cake bite for desert...I did have a couple of glasses of wine..Again my problem isn't eating out in public..in fact I NEVER overeat when there are people around..I am what I call a "secret" eater..I had people say they didn't understand why I'm the size I am because they never see me eat anyway but healthy...Some of my problem is I know that anytime I eat I will end up coughing for a least a half an hour and it's just easier for me not to eat..but then if I don't eat I also end up coughing because the acids in my tummy back up (acid reflux is hell)..So I do try to be careful what I do eat when I'm out with my friends...
Back to the reception...they had a "photo booth" like you see in the mall..with all kinds of hats and boa's..normally I would stay clear of this kind of thing..but last night I did pose with a couple of friends..trouble is I don't have a scanner so I can't post it here....they actually didn't turn out too bad..and I had fun...Of course I danced a little..I thought about wearing heels but ended up wearing a pair of flat shoes just so my feet wouldn't end up hurting..and boy was I glad..Hey I even wore a dress and make up..I felt good about myself for a change!

Time to get Serious!

I'm feeling pretty good this morning! I've got my bag packed for the gym tonight, figured out what I'm going to take to work for lunch (although my boss has agreed to supply me with lunch his fridge yesterday didn't hold anything I wanted, so I will take my own today) and I actually took my Vitamin & Supplements today..

Vitamins & Supplements...The cramp in my foot the other day and the aches in my knee and hip joints tells me that I need to Seriously look at my diet and to start back on my Vitamins and Supplements...I'm so bad about taking them and I know that I need them and feel better when I take them. I used to (in the good ole days) take a variety of supplements and a protein drink every morning before going to the gym. But for some reason (mostly monies) I decided 2 years ago to stop all. First all let me tell you I've ALWAYS HATED taking pills..they get stuck on the way down...The vitamins I take with IRON repeat on me..just the smell of IRON makes me sick.which probably dates back to when I was a kid and had to take this liquid iron medicine everyday...I had rickets due to a poor diet...I know now that My Mom did her best but trying to bring up 4 kids by yourself on welfare in the 50's had to be really Tough..I could blame my Mom on my eating habits and the reason I got fat in the first place but It wouldn't serve any purpose now because I can't change what happened then only what happens NOW. 

(Warning Tangent coming)
Like any one who has ever been fat and lost and gained it back (yoyoyoyoing) I've tried many differant "diets", bought & read alot of books on what I'm "suppose" to be eating and even joined the support groups..eDiets & SparkPeople so I KNOW what is " right"  and what is "wrong" to eat..I KNOW what I need to be doing NOW and I know that I can take the weight off (once I really set my mind to it)..I've done it before..but what really worries me is that I won't keep it off..that something deep down inside me WANTS to be FAT...it's where my "Comfort Zone" is..I thought I had all this figured out the last time I lost the weight..I thought I had fought all my demons and won...but obviously I didn't or I won't have fallen back when things went "bad" for me. The thing is I also KNOW that this HAS to be the last time I do this Battle because I don't have any time left...For Pete's Sake I'm 60 years old...I think I'm am the oldest "Dieter" in Blogland...I'm just too Old to keep doing this..As Susan Powers Said ..I need to "STOP THE INSANITY"..
I need to Stop making excuses and get serious about What I am eating! I want to feel good about myself with the time I do have left.

So I'm taking a good hard look at every bite of food I take (I hate this part) and make sure that I'm getting all of the nutrients I need. I already know that I don't get enough protein and Calcium...I'm looking for a good protein drink that doesn't need milk, soy or other..I can't handle anything thick, it makes my chest congested and I spend about an hour coughing afterwards..The good thing is.this does keep me from having any ice cream or milk shakes (I would die for a Blizzard) ...I can tell you right now that I haven't been eating enough fresh greens..I use the excuse that I hate "packaged" greens.(which is all that WallyWorld where I get most of my groceries from carries, especially spinach which I love)... I know that I can go to the Farmers Market (something I still haven't done because there isn't one conveniently close to me) but truthfully I don't see that happening soon....The other thing I know that I WON'T do is count calories..I know it works for a lot of people but for me it is just too frustrating and I can only do it for a couple of days..I've tried tracking (writing down) what I eat and that doesn't work for me either...OK I know what I Won't do now I have to find what I WILL DO...I do know that I need to be AWARE of what I'm eating..(mindless eating is one of my biggest faults) then I can use all this knowledge I've gained over the years and eat what I know I should be eating..I read somewhere recently .."Food is not the enemy" (I'll blog more on this later..running out of time this morning)..

So the Positive Side...Although I  know that I have a ways to go yet I feel that I've improved my life so much over the past few months.  I am feeling GOOD about myself..I'm getting exercise (yay the gym, 5K's and hiking)..I've brought myself out of "seclusion" and have started taking pride in How I look (love my new color and haircut)...

I feel Autumn in the Air!

It's been 2 years since I've gone on any backpacking trips and I miss it and the fun. I love being outdoors in nature especially in the Autumn or early Spring. One of my goals is to get back into shape enough to go backpacking again. With the cooler weather coming I'm really feel the urge (my mind is willing but my body isn't). I look at my AOC (Atlanta Outdoors Club) website and see all the good trips they are going on and I want to go too! I have a lot of friends on FB that belong and I keep up with them there and ENVY them for all the trips they are going on.   To me backpacking is the idea way to go.  You hike into where you want to go, set up your tent and then sit around (or go explore) and visit with your friends. You watch the sun go down and get up with the sunrise...Awww I love those mornings..froze my ass off a few times but it was worth it. You get an extra hike in early in the morning and then you head back to town...I have some really good memories of some really good trips.
So why don't I sign up for a trip?  First ...all backpacking trips are on the weekends (and I work weekends ) and second I now weigh 50 pounds more than I did when I was backpacking....It's like carrying an extra backpack on my body..My backpack (fully loaded) weighs around 35 pounds..I'm not sure I could carry that and the extra weight I've gained for 5-10 miles.
So although I can't (I hate that word) go backpacking this year, I can at least get in some local hikes on my days off and work toward getting in shape so I can go in the spring (by then I'm hoping to be getting weekends off at work). . I've signed up for the hike next Weds and I can't wait..I know the trip leader (she's a hoot and I love her personality) but the rest of the group are "newbie's " (meaning I don't know them). So far I'll be the oldest (nothing new there), but I'm not going to let that stop me. It's at a park that I haven't been to on the other side of town and It will take me only about an hour to drive there. I plan on checking out as many new parks as I can this fall/winter. My fav time to hike is early morning and although this hike is in the evening (after work for most) I'm happy with it..That will give me time to get to the park early and check out things..like where the nearest bathroom is LOL.

Other news and thoughts..
(this is a rant) I did go to the gym yesterday after going to the Dollar Store....It's a differant location than I've been going to.. I worked as a sales counselor (I found out that I'm not aggressive enough to be in this kind of sales) when this location first opened up. It's weird how 2 gyms (same company) could be so differant. The one I go to regularly is on my way home from work, and it is the one that I worked out at for 5 years feels like home to me. I love going there because I know people there (no matter what time of day I go I ALWAYS see someone I know), I know the machines (although they aren't that differant at the other sites, it seems to make a differance to me) . The differance to me is staggering..if I had to go to the gym I went to yesterday on a regular basis, I don't think I would!  I ended up going around 3 pm and there were maybe 10 people in the place (sales included). Not one person even acknowledged me..now I'm not there for a social life but what I like about my regular gym is that even if someone doesn't talk to you at least they will have eye contact with you acknowledging that you are there. There was no one on the treadmills, elliptical and one person on the life cycle (this is weird to me). The machine I really went there for was the StairMonster and I knew they had three of them...Of course ALL three were being used...so I ended up doing 30 mins on the Elliptical..about 20 mins in I got a cramp in my foot that would not go away...so when I finished with my 30 mins I left...I decided that I wanted to get a good upper workout at my reg gym tonight and then I'll do lower on Friday...So although I didn't get as good of a work out as I had planned at least I did do something. I will be so glad to be back at where I feel comfortable and welcomed tonight.. Got my bag packed and am ready for the gym!!!! Whooohooo!

On the Positive Side..
Yay....Michael Grimm, who I wanted to win
America's Got Talent...WON!!!!!
I so will buy his music when it comes out in the stores. I love his bluesy type of music. I see he already has my favorite "Leave Your Hat On" on iTunes.
Mark my words..this guy will be a big hit!

If you ask me this was the best year ever for AGT!.

My day off yesterday!

Good Morning.
I had a good day yesterday (for me). 
It didn't start out that way because at 3:30 am I was fighting to sleep..I've learned over the years it's best just to get up and do something when this happens to me. So I got up out of bed and came here. I blogged and visited my fav blogs, which got back me on track.

Then I fixed myself a small egg burrito (an egg w spinach & onion wrapped in a fajita size tortilla), a half an avacado and a glass of Mango juice for breakfast before leaving the house. I had an appointment at 10:30 to get my hair trimmed for the Wedding I'm going to this Saturday. I want to look my best!

Before I left the house I decided that since the shop is not that far from the gym that I would head over to it when I got done with my hair so I dressed in my workout clothes..that way I couldn't make an excuse. I am determined to get some exercise on my days off, no excuses..it was between going to the gym or going to the park and doing 3 miles. I decided on the gym because by the time I got done at the shop it was hot outside..and although I would rather walk outside than do the treadmill, I do love lifting weights and I need to work on my core and shoulders. I started off with 30 mins on the treadmill at 7% incline walking at 4.3...this is as good as it gets for me..I was totally sweaty when I got done..Then I hit the weight room..it's amazes me that it seems like no matter what time of the day I go to the gym I run into someone I knew before. Yesterday I ran into 3 old friends...spent some time catching up but still got in a good workout.

I stopped at WallyWorld after the gym..one of the things I love about WallyWorld is that I can go there even in my gym clothes and all sweaty and no one seems to notice..to pick up a couple of cards..a wedding card and a birthday card for Princess Val (her b'day is Thurs). While I was there I found a couple of really cute newborn outfits on sale for my New grandNiece that will be born in November and a nice candle (also on sale)  for the wedding couple (I can't afford much right now). Looked at buying a candy bar (I was hungry) but decided that a banana would do just as well...I actually like banana's IF they don't have any brown spots on them..for that reason I usually only buy one or two at a time, if I buy more than that I end up throwing them out. So buying a banana was a "treat" for me..and I ate it on my way home in the truck..took care of that craving for sweets!
Anyway I felt pretty good about taking care of three people on my list and staying within my budget (kind of...I'll have to figure out what I can do without in the next couple of weeks...not going to worry about it!)..One of the reasons (besides it's cheap) I go to WallyWorld (why do I feel I need to be ashamed I go there?) is because I really hate shopping and I can get everything at one stop. I parked at the end of the parking lot (I always do) so I got an extra walk in.

I then came home ate some lunch, took a shower and read some of my book. For supper I decided to fix me some spaghetti. I use whole grain spaghetti which I really like..I don't like tomato sauce on it though. I had some mushrooms, celery, onion and lots of garlic in olive oil to cover it with (no cheese)...it was so yummy with a half a glass of wine. I can't fix just one serving when I cook..I try to cut back on the amount I fix but since I NEVER measure anything and cook as I go, using whatever I have in the kitchen, it always ends up being more than I can or should eat at one time..(I hate leftovers, this is why I don't fix all my meals for the week at one time like some of my friends do). After having one plate of this yummy stuff I went back into the kitchen to fix me a cup of tea and as I was taking another bite of the speghetti that was leftover in the pan..I made myself STOP! and put the rest away covered in the refrigerator..(I had it for breakfast this morning and I'm so satisfied...;-)....
After that I watched America's Got Talent..I think they had the best talent this year than they ever have in the past..I liked Prince Poppycock but was disappointed in his routine last night..I think he blew it totally..what I like about him was his humor in his songs..last night he was way to serious..My all time Favorite is Michael Grimm...I now that my Daughter and G'son voted for him. I hope he wins..
After that was over I turned off the tv and finished my book..then went to bed.
All in All it was a Good day for me..

Today I need to go to the Dollar Store and buy some wrapping paper and since it's over by the gyms other location (the one I worked at for a year) I will stop by there and do the StairMonster and maybe some abs (if my stomach isn't giving me fits by then)..then maybe stop by and see a friend who I haven't had much time to see lately (she's on my way home)...Oh yeah before I do any of that I need to go to the AOC site and sign up for a hike for next Weds evening.

8 Signs to watch out for!

I'm looking (and finding) all the signs to watch out for that I am letting myself fall back into my old (and bad) habits again. Letting myself go there is NOT an option anymore so the signs will help me.

1. Not making my bed & picking up any clothes laying around in my bedroom when I first wake up.
    I had to force myself do these things yesterday...for too long I convinced myself that since no one 
    sees my bedroom that it didn't matter...But it does..I feel sooo much better when I go into that 
    room when I get home or at night before going to bed and seeing it all clean...I know that I had
    a good start to my day.
      
2. Not doing my dishes Daily! You would think this one would be an easy one for me since I grew
    up with dirty dishes. I should HATE having dirty dishes in my house. I remember my Mom hiding 
    dirty pots & pans in the oven when we had company.   I used to use the excuse that when my 
    kitchen was clean then I would bake and if all the dishes were  dirty then I couldn't.
    This was just an excuse !  Recently I quit using my dishwasher (it takes a week to fill it up)
    and bought a small drain tray and I try not to dirty more dishes than what will fit in it. And I've 
    been doing so good on keeping my dishes washed until this week when  I didn't do dishes for 3 
    days.  After leaving here this morning and realizing that I was falling back to my old ways, I
    washed up the dishes and cleaned my kitchen.. I did feel better after that. It was nice coming
    home to a clean kitchen tonight after the gym.
     
3.  Not going to the gym or going and not really giving it my all.  I've been sporadic lately on the 
     gym and it's crazy because I know that I feel so much better when I go to the gym and get a 
     good workout. Excuses are not accepted here any longer...

4.  Secluding myself from my friends & family.  I know people don't believe me when I tell them that
     I am happiest when I am by myself (especially if I'm reading...which I do a lot of). This is weird
     because I also love being around people especially when I'm feeling good about myself.
     I've been bad this past week about answering text msgs and phone calls...I really do hate talking
     on the phone. Not sure what's with that.
    
5.  Not caring about how I look.  Not sure where I'm going with this one..will have to do more
     thinking on it.

6.  Mindless eating.  This one I'm still working on...and endless problem for me.

7. Having trouble sleeping at night. A problem I've had for years when I've got things on my mind
    and it seems like tonight is one of those nights. I know that sleep helps but haven't figured out
    just how to get it.

8. Negative Self talk or just Plain being Negative about everything.  I promised myself that this
    blog IS going to be Positive. It got to where all I did was moan and groan about how bad things
    were on my last blog and I really don't want to go there with this one. I want to look for the
    positive side of EVERY Thing...

I hate that Money dictates how I live!

Fighting to remember that there is more to my life than having monies.
My new job is so much better than the two part time jobs I had last year BUT I still am not making enough money to live on and do some of the things I want. In fact I'm barely making enough to pay my bills and buy groceries.
I got carried away last month and spent more than I should have on extra things...like clothes, the gym and paying for the 5K. And then also I pulled some monies out of my savings to pay for the truck repairs I needed . Then there was the party that I held last weekend..I thought I would be able to limit myself on what I spent but as usual I spent more than I planned. ..now I have very little left.
What I'm really fighting is not to go down back into that dark hole that I've spent the last year in..where I give up on all the good things in my life. I hate that MONIES dictate how I live!
I refuse to give into this depression again..I will not hide! I will figure out a way to get ahead and still live the life I want. I really do not want a lot..I just want to not only exist but to live.
I will look at the positive side of life and not let all the negative things bog me down.
Now ...I'm off to find some of that positive things in life.

Looking Back to Sept. 11, 2006

I started blogging back in 2005. My blog was called Me, Myself & I. I started it after I had gone from 235 pounds to 179 pounds. I belonged to eDiets then and somewhere there hooked me on Skwigg's blog. One day after reading her I thought "this is a good thing. I think I want to do it" and I did for 5 years.  I went strong for a couple of years and when things went south for me I quit blogging because I felt I had become too negative, my life became too much of a struggle. The reason I started a new blog with a new name was because I'm not the same person I was back then. Although I still have Evil Eva and Moaning Mona as other personalities..I'm not Sexy Sue anymore and I'm not sure I ever will be. I like the idea of Lady Sue..it's a new and better ME!
I've been going back to read some of my old blogs to get some idea of where I was and the things I was doing (good and bad) to help me now. It's pretty interesting and sometimes down right Funny. I decided to post this one from 4 years ago just to remind myself where I was and where I am now...


Monday, September 11, 2006
From one extreme to the next

Last night as I sat at the Sports Bar watching football and drinking beer...I thought to MYSELF...here I am in a total differant atmosphere than I was 2 nights ago...2 nights ago I was hanging out with the "beautiful" people, drinking wine, listening to jazz and enjoying the Atlanta night life...now here I am hanging out with a bunch of crazy guys, getting rambutious, listening to runchy jokes in a bar that you can hardly hear yourself in...and I'm totally enjoying myself... I love the fact that my life is so unprediticable...and so full of doing differant things... A few months ago I was bemoaning to MYSELF that I didn't do anything but go to the gym & work...Not any more....

The only thing I could wish for now is if I would win the lottery so I could afford to do ALL the things that I would love to do...but I'm finding out that there is STILL alot that I can do that doesn't cost a lot of monies...all you have to do is surround yourself with people that like to do things...(I still haven't won the lottery and monies are still tight for me)

Some of the things that we are talking about doing is:

rollerskating/blading...(too many years I worried about being to fat to do this..I used to love rollerskating when I was young)  (I think I'll have to pass on this one..not interested, at least not this year)

bowling (we did this and had a blast)

White Water Rafting (ok so this one might be a little over the top for me, since I don't swim but if the group really wants to do it...I'll be there) (ok, I've done this one twice since I wrote this..the third time we went I backed out, just did not have a good feeling about it..And the raft flipped over...TG I listened to my intuition.)

going to 6 Flags to ride the rollercoasters ( I would still like to do this one)

Go to a play (not sure which one yet) (ditto)

Things I would like to do if I had monies

Go on a cruise (I think I'm over this one...but I would like to travel to other countries)

Skydive (yeah, I know I'm afraid of heights but I really need to get over that fear too) (I did a Tandem Skydive last year and it was a HOOT..I would do it again in a second if I had the monies)

Learn to rock climb (I might do this one anyway next year after I get over my fear of heights) (nope..don't see this one happening)

Go to the symphony/opera (all dressed to the max) (I had forgot about this one..Yes, I would still like to do it..it fits Lady Sue perfectly)

Go to a football game in a differant city than Atlanta (not into football at all anymore...maybe a Jazz Festival would be fun though)

Losing Larry and living through the terror of 9/11 has made me want to live life to the fullest...

Life can be cut short so easy and so fast...who knows how long any of us have...but as long as I'm able I want to be able to say "I Did it the best that I could"...

I was so much more together then and I want that feeling back..I want to do the best that I can!

Winning against my inner voices!

I constantly have these voices in my mind telling me what to do! In the past couple of years I've let the "bad" voices rule although I know they do not want the Best for Me. The "good" voices are there too, I just haven't been listening to them enough.

What these "bad" voices have told me was that I was worthless, that I don't matter! So why should I take care of myself? It's too hard to eat healthy, besides it's too expensive and since I don't have a good paying job (because I'm worthless and can't do anything) all I should give in and eat what I really like...sugar may cause my stomach to hurt and gives me a headache BUT I like it and I need it to keep away that craving and It really makes me feel better. Walking or exercising is too hard..it's so much better to sit around and read a book or two or watch tv..doing nothing is easy..working out is hard!

The trouble with giving into this "bad" side of myself is that it gets easier to do nothing. BUT (notice the big But) I know that if I DON'T give in and I do what I know REALLY makes me feel good, these voices in my mind give up.

So How do I win in this daily struggle? One day at a time! Follow my Plan! Having a plan and sticking to it may not be easy but IT can be done. I did it today (so far). I woke up this morning and altho the voices told me to roll over and go back to sleep, I got up and made my bed (the voices said not to because no one but me would see it). After washing my face & brushing my teeth I spoke with my Daughter on the phone and made plans for tonight for my grandson's B'day (my voices were jumping up and down because now my plans to go to the gym had changed). But instead of giving into those voices I decided that it was too beautiful of a morning to waste so I went to my favorite park to do my 3 miles walk/jog. I can tell you the voices screamed at me for the first mile, telling me  I didn't have to do the whole 3 miles, I could take the short cuts and I didn't have to walk/jog so fast..I'm old, I need to go slow..my legs hurt..I need to sit down..but I didn't give into them..no sirrreee...I did the whole 3 miles and although I can feel the ache in my knee and I'm stiff in the lower back..I feel GOOD about myself. I actually did better than I thought I would on the time.  It took me 45 mins to do the 3 miles and I'm working towards doing it in 30 mins for the 5k at the end of the month. I do Not want to be the last person to finish the race!

When I got done at the park I drove to WallyWorld to buy the grandson a b'day card and gift. While there the "bad" voice again attacked me telling me that I deserved something sweet to eat, but my "good" voices told me that I had watermelon at home waiting for me. This actually sounded good so I listened to the "good" voices.

On the Positive Side... I got all my housework done and mowed my yard yesterday so I'm now thinking about going to the gym to sit in the Hot Tub to soak some of the aches & pains out of my body...might even lift a few weights. I'm feeling pretty good about myself.

I'm always on the lookout for Motivation and checking out other blogs..It seems like everyone I've been checking out has this one that they follow (besides Swkigg). So I checked out Jack Sh*t and I really like him. I loved his sense of humor (see Bad, Badder & Worstest). So I've added him on my list to follow.

Also I've added my weight to my blog...this is a big step for me because I've been putting it off hoping I would lose below 210 before any one would know that I'm this big (who am I kidding?)..I'll post my weight no matter if I gain or not every week..either Tues or Wed..

I'm also working (in my mind) on an idea I have how to motivate myself to get down below 200 before Christmas and help out others. More on that later!

September's a busy month!

I'm looking at my calendar for this month and am amazed that I have so much to do. It started out with my End of the Summer Party I had this past Friday. A fun group and a fun time had by all.

I also have 3 birthdays (my grandson's 12th tomorrow, Princess Val's next week, and my Daughters at the end of the month), a baptism on the 12th, a wedding on the 18th and the 5K to run on the 26th....

So with all this to do how am I going to stay on track to getting fit? One day at a time!

   One of my friends took this picture of me at my party. As I've said before I HATE pictures of myself because in my mind I don't look like that.. I always make a weird face, like that's going to distract from my body..I try not to do this anymore but as you can see from this one..I'm still doing it..What's with that? I kind of like that the picture here is distorted, in the original I look fatter. It's like a fun house mirror. Maybe I need one of those in my bedroom...you know the farther away you stand the taller and skinnier you look..LOL..problem is I would probably get one of those that makes me look shorter and fatter..OH NO! I never realize how short I look until I see me in pictures. I think I'm going to have to start wearing long sleeve shirts because my arms are getting age spots on them..I try to pass them off as freckles but they are getting to big for that. Oh Well. I have friends & family (most of them in fact) that are very photogenic..they all know just how to pose to look good and none of them make weird faces. I've never been photogenic. It's a challenge to who ever is taking my picture to get a good one of me. I'm not worrying about that anymore. I just do the best that I can and live with the results.

I did weigh myself this morning and was surprized that I had not gained but actually had lost 1 pound..I know 1 pound doesn't sound like much but it's still better than gaining, which I thought I had. I keep telling myself that it doesn't matter if I don't lose weight as long as I am doing all the things I know that I should be doing..eating healthy, drinking water and getting exercise. Truthfully IF I really was doing all this I would be Losing the weight. Since I've started this Blog I have actually gained So I need to take a LONG HARD look at where I am today and quit lying to myself and saying it doesn't matter..Because It does.

I haven't been posting my weight because (1. )I'm ashamed that I weigh so much. (2.) I refuse to let the # rule me..As I've said before (or if not in writing I'm saying so now). My weight does not define me..It is not WHO I am. .(3.) I do not weigh on a regular schedule but when I do weigh it is at the same time of the day, first thing in the morning. (4.) My weight has been fluctuating between 3 pounds.
I will probably start posting WHEN I start losing on a regular basis. My immediate goal is to get under 200 pounds before Christmas. I have clothes that I would love to get into by this winter.

I went to the gym last night for the first time in over a week. It felt good but I really had to talk myself into it..my inner voice kept coming up with all the excuses why I didn't need to go..but I didn't give into it.

On the Positive Side...Sometimes being forgetful is good. The last couple of times I've gone to the grocery store my inner voice has talked me into buying a candy bar (Three Musketeer is my fav..) but when I get up to the check out I forget..then remember when I get out to the truck and it's too late.  This has happened to me the last 3 times I've gone. Not a Bad Thing..