Choices

As this old year ends and a new year begins I think about the choices I've made and the choices I need to make in the future.

WORK...I chose to not go back into the office environment and to do what I've been doing most of life and become a Home Health Caregiver. Altho it doesn't pay any where near what I would be getting in the office, for me it's a lot less stressful and something I know I can do. I don't have to worry that my memory will fail me and that I won't be able to learn the new things I needed to in the office.

DATING....I'm choosing Not to go out of my way to find another mate.  I've pretty much given up on this one...I tried in the past 5 years but have found that I really like being by myself. I have enough "friends" to keep me company when I feel that I need it. If some day I meet someone that makes me feel right then so be it..until then I'm happy being by myself.

FITNESS...going back to the gym a few months ago was one of the best choices for me that I've made in a long time.  It's a stretch some months as far as the money goes but in the long run it is worth it to me. I feel so much better about myself knowing that I can go to the gym and work out. I also have the park, AOC, and TaeBo that I can do...The gym is a treat for myself that I think I deserve and need.
For the New Year I'm thinking about doing a 12 Week Starter Program that http://truth2beingfit.com/ mentioned in her blog yesterday. I think I've talked my Daughter into doing it with me. This will be in addition to the gym and my other activities..the only problem I can foresee is that I HATE floor exercises...but if I'm going to commit to getting back into shape this year then I going to have to do some things that I don't like...the good thing is that starting out it's only 3 days a week...I can do it in the morning before going to work right after getting up. No promises on this one..but I'm going to at least give it a try. If it's not a good fit for me then I will keep looking for something that is..I don't give up!

Everyday Choices are:
Getting out of bed and facing the day no matter what I'm feeling..
Not over eating or starving myself...either one of these DO NOT Work! I need to get back into eating 5 small meals a day.
To keep in touch with my friends and family (it's so easy for me to hide away in my house with a good book ALL of the time).
To blog no matter even if I'm not having a good day or staying on plan!

I didn't go to the gym last night, I ended up staying with Princess Val while her Dad went out with some friends..PV wasn't feeling well and we decided she didn't need to go out. Any way I earned a few extra dollars and this morning I was thinking of what I could spend those extra dollars on. My choices were
(a) a new pair of pants/jeans (I'm down to only 3 pairs that I can wear comfortably) (b) extra groceries or (c) get my hair cut (it's out of control and I hate looking at it in the mirror everyday...I could just chop it off myself)... I decided on C to get my hair cut..I really don't want to spend more money on clothes that I won't be wearing after I lose weight...(talk about motivation) and I already have money set aside for groceries  so I called my hairdresser/friend who I haven't been to in 3 months and made an appt for Monday (my day off)...It was good to talk to her and I'm excited to see her. I know I will feel better about myself after I get this mess my head trimmed up.

Now I'm off to work...More later
Happy New Year!

It's Thursday and I'm so not in the mood!

Yes I did make it to the gym last night. I did the treadmill for 1 mile and then did a leg workout. I know that I need to up my cardio but my right foot was cramping..I haven't been taking my supplements and I can tell it.

So today is a new day and I've already eaten my oatmeal/cranberries and taken my supplements. Now all I have to do is pack my bag for the gym and figure out what I'm going to have for lunch. I haven't been grocery shopping for me in 2 weeks (I did go last week and shop for Xmas Eve dinner and Holiday snacks) and my healthy choices are getting limited..no fresh veggies in the fridge..but I do still have the last of the pizza I had the other night (at least it's spinach & mushroom) and a couple of clematis's (which I absolutely love). I hate grocery shopping when I've got a limited amount of money. As usual It will be a tight month as far as money goes..but no sense in moaning about it..that's just my life anymore.

I wish I could get myself out of this mood I'm in today...I feel like the other shoe needs to drop...not sure what that really means.

I wish

I could say that I've been good this past week...but truthfully I've been VERY bad...I went to the gym only once..I didn't do TaeBo at all and I've eaten everything that I shouldn't have...LOTS and LOTS of sweets!

I feel like sh*t! My reflux is out of control..this from eating so much sugar..I'm coughing up a lung all the time (from the reflux)..eating tons of Tums for heartburn...and I have a constant headache (from the sugar again and not enough veggies)...

I did fix the ham ring for the kids on Xmas Eve and didn't eat it but had some ham left over and added it to my bean soup on Christmas Day...big mistake..one of the reasons I don't eat meat is that it doesn't like me...gives me diarrhea...well I spent most of Saturday night & Sunday morning on the toilet. still dealing with that problem some...it comes and goes... At least I'm getting cleaned out...LOL..

I still have sweets left in the house..I know that I should just throw it out..I did give most of what I made away but then my niece gave me a big tray that she had made up..she's going to school to be a chef...I've pretty much ate everything off that tray and keep telling myself that she went to all the trouble to make it for me I should just enjoy it (BTW she is very very skinny....doesn't have to worry about EVER gaining weight and eats like a pig). I'm not sure what happened to my Will Power this past week...It Totally disappeared...

I had my bag packed for the gym yesterday but could feel another attack of the diarrhea hitting me so I came home instead...and once I'm home that's where I stay...I fixed the frozen Spinach & Mushroom pizza that has been in my freezer for awhile and instead of only eating one piece I ate two!  I felt so stuffed afterwards!
At least I put the rest of it away in the fridge so I wouldn't be tempted later in the evening..I hate cold pizza!

I should be able to get back on track with my exercise today (I hope)...I miss the gym when i don't go but for some reason I've been giving into the inner voice a lot lately...My bag is still packed...I'm fixing veggie soup for lunch and trying to get my head back into the game...

I'm afraid to weigh myself but will do it before the end of the year...I promise! I know from how my clothes feel that I'm probably right back where I started a couple of months ago...I will not let this set back stop me though...I'll just start over again...and I'm not going to wait for the New Year!

A White Christmas in Georgia!



Christmas 2010

 Being from Wyoming and Colorado I grew up with snow on Christmas but I moved here to Georgia in 1986 and have probably seen snow on Christmas here maybe once. I got that good feeling inside me looking out the window this morning, mostly because I knew that I didn't have to go out and drive in it. I'm off work today and tomorrow so I plan on enjoying this gift to the max.

Last night I built a fire in the fireplace and watched a couple of old movies I had and thought about Larry and some of the good times we had together.



Christmas Blizzard 1982

 Christmas Eve 1982 Lar, Robbi, I and our dog Charlie were living in Lakewood Colorado and we had a blizzard. The next morning I got out and shoveled the walk so Lar could come outside. Being from N. Dakota he loved snow, but being in a wheelchair, it was hard for him to get around in snow. One of the reasons we chose Georgia to move to..we thought it would be easier in the winter. I know the picture is blurry but you can at least get an idea of how much snow we had. This is one of my favorite memories! I couldn't believe he came outdoors without his shirt..but he had an inner furnace those days and never seemed to get cold..he would drive his car with the heater blasting and his window down..Did I say that he loved snow! (at least  Robbi dressed warm..yes those are socks on her hands..best mittens ever). Later on that day Lar's best friend Warren came over and we had a snowball fight in the house...Crazy! Lots of Good Memories!

My life now is so quiet compared to when Lar was alive. The thing I love most about him was that you never knew what was going to happen. Each day was an "adventure" with him. There were no "rules"! He was an "one of a Kind of guy" and I miss him as much today as I did 7 years ago when he died. He will always be in my heart!
Altho I miss him I know he wouldn't want me to "mourn" him..he would want me to get out there and live life..which is what I try to do.

I'm off to build another fire in my fireplace, relax with a glass of wine and a good book! My kind of snowy day..no adventures for me today!

More later! Oh yeah...Happy Holidays!  Merry Christmas!

I feel so Righteous!

I went to the gym last night and there was hardly anyone there....It felt like a Saturday night at the gym..I guess everyone is out doing their last minute Christmas Shopping. That is one advantage to having very little money to spend, It doesn't take long to do your shopping.

I've got all my presents (what there is of them) wrapped and ready to give out tomorrow night. I've got most of my meal planned (I'm cooking) and even though I don't eat meat, I'm fixing my kids favorite Ham Ring with Cheese Sauce (for me I'm fixing the little salmon filled pretzels that I came up with a couple of weeks ago)....

I'm not working tomorrow so I will have the whole day off to finish cleaning my house before the kids come over for the annual Christmas Eve get together. This is a good way for all of us to get together and enjoy watching the kids unwrap Christmas presents.  But first we torture them by making them eat a dinner and then the kids read the the Story about Jesus being born on Christmas. We started this when about 13 years ago and it is now tradition. I think Traditions are good!

For today..I've got my gym bag packed and my Wild Rice & Mushroom soup all ready to take with me.
Not sure that I will actually go to the gym but if I have my bag with me that will be one less excuse I can use.

For now that's all I've got..so more later!

My Christmas list!

OK there are material things I want for Christmas (like a digital camera and a fire pit) but the things I really NEED are:
Willpower to get off sugar totally (again) and to stay off from it. I'm so addicted to sugar all it takes is one taste and then I crave it all the time. I've tried the substitutes, they either give me diarrhea, are too costly or don't satisfy my need. Honey comes the closest and I do use it in somethings.

Core Strength.. I find myself slouching all the time and I am constantly reminding myself to pull my shoulders back and sit up straight. It feels good to stretch out my back by sitting up straight and I'm not sure why I end up slouching. I see myself in pictures and I realize that I'm slouching and it makes me look all that much fatter.
When I stand or sit straight I actually look and feel thinner.

Positive Self Image... enough said!

Commitment...and not to the loony bin..I need to find the commitment that I had in 2003 to lose this weight and get myself fit. It was hard work but I did it then and I know I can do it again.

A short list (I'm not greedy) but I so wish I could wake up in the morning and find all of them in my life!

Wait a minute!!!!  I know that somewhere in me I have ALL of these things already. I just have to dig deep,  take them out of storage, dust them off and use them....

Fears Conquered!

Ok..I made it through the hike on Sunday and actually had a really good time.
As for my fears..well here's the list
You'll be the fattest person on the hike.... I was but it didn't seem to bother anyone else so I didn't let it bother me.


You're too out of shape to hike....Although I was really slow going uphill, I kept up with the group on the flats and downhills. We climbed up to the top of the mountain and then back down while it was snowing..
When we started there was just a little snow on the ground but by the time we got back to the cars there was at least 3 inches of snow. The temp was in the low 20's.

You're too old to hike ...Again I was the oldest in the group..but not too old to hike. There were 14 people signed up for this hike. 5 of us showed. The snow flurries scared most people off. Dirk & Peggy are in their 50's, Bill turned 59 on Sunday (I think going for a hike is a great way to celebrate your 59th birthday) and Dunkir (from India) was in his late 30's ...It was a fun group.

You'll wet yourself because your bladder can't wait anymore...used the restroom at the beginning of the hike and never even thought about it after that.

You'll get leg cramps....although I could feel my quads tightening up after about 2 hrs of climbing the hills I never got a leg cramp, I took my calcium and vitamin D before I left to go on the hike.

You won't be able to climb the hills...I just took it slow and steady uphill (and believe me there were a lot of them since we climbed to the top of the mountain) and my trekking poles really helped. I kept telling the others to go ahead and I would meet them at the top because I am so slow but they chose to pretty much stay with me.. We were ALL enjoying the hike and company too much.

You're going to make a fool out of yourself....Didn't happen

You're going to fail (AGAIN)... Didn't happen!

So again I wonder why I put myself through the self doubts before I do something. 

Monday night I went and got re certified for my CPR/AED and I left my cell phone at the fire station where we did the training. Didn't realize it until the next morning. It's weird how I've come to depend on having my phone with me while driving anywhere. I had to go 90 miles just to pick it up so was late to work. TG I have an understanding client. I ended up working late so didn't make it to the gym on Tuesday night.

Last night Atlanta had an ice storm so I chose to come straight home from work rather than push my luck and go to the gym then drive home later. Good thing too...I had just gotten home (which took me about a half hour longer than usual) and they close the road behind my house (the road I take to come home). It has a steep hill with a curve. When I drove it, I geared down, put on my flashers and took it really slow but I still slid most of the way down the hill. I could see the police lights from my kitchen window when I got home so I knew that they had closed it. There were a lot of accidents on the roads last night due to icy roads.
What I don't understand is how it can rain when it's below freezing...It's suppose to snow. I will take snow any day over ICE...I'm lucky that I don't have to go to work until after 10 am so hopefully by then the roads will be in good shape..The weather is suppose to warm up today.

Since I haven't been to the gym for a while, I woke up this morning and decided to get off my fat butt and do my TaeBo tape. My inner voice tried to tell me it's too cold but I didn't listen. I always feel better if I get my body to moving. I've still got my gym bag packed and in the truck but will wait to see if I go tonight or not.

Eating is out of control...I know that I need to get it under control but for some reason I just can't get my head into it right now. Lot's of sweets! I'm afraid to weigh myself...I think my scale is broken (LOL)..I know that I will NOT lose the weight until I can get portion control and the sweets out of my life, just not right now..PLEASE. 

One day at a time!

Why do I do this to myself?

I'm going on a hike today with the AOC (Atlanta Outdoor Club) and as usual I'm nervous about it. I didn't sleep well and I had a dream about going on a hike, kind of like the dream you have where you go back to high school and can't remember your locker combination...this one I get to the meet up and I go to grab my daypack but all that is in it is my sleeping bag..so I leave it and go grab my poles and all I can find is my walking stick, which I figure will work...as I am walking it turns into a broom..that's just the parts that I can remember..

Now don't get me wrong..I love hiking..it's just that I worry so much that I won't be able to do it...that I'll be late getting to the meet up. (I've been there before but it's on the other side of town) or that I will slow everyone up or I will fall and won't be able to get up...I know it's dumb to worry about it but I just can't seem to stop.

I so want to get back into hiking but I have all these negative thoughts going through my mind:
You'll be the fattest person on the hike
You're too out of shape to hike
You're too old to hike
You'll wet yourself because your bladder can't wait anymore
You'll get leg cramps
You won't be able to climb the hills
You're going to make a fool out of yourself
You're going to fail (AGAIN)...

OK..I've got to conquer those fears and JUST DO IT... and if any of my fears are realized I will live with that too...but if I don't try then I will Fail myself...
More Later

Christmas Temptation!

Chocolate Covered Cherries! OMG!...I've been patting myself on my back because every time I go to the store I've passed up buying any CCC...This has always been one of my biggest downfalls in life. I could eat a whole box by myself in one sitting.

I think my obsession with CCC started when I was a kid. I grew up very poor. My Mom was a single mother with four kids...Not easy in the 50's & 60's...We were on welfare in a small town. I have to say this for my Mom..she did her best..We always had a Christmas! My Mom's one weakness was CCC...she loved them..but when you have 4 kids who also loved any thing sweet any time there were CCC in the house, she was lucky if she got even one....So she would buy herself a box at Christmas and hide it...I don't know if my siblings knew that she did this..but I knew...usually because she sent me out to buy them...I would dream about those CCC...I would have traded my toys for a box...And probably for that reason CCC & Christmas seem to go together for me..I never crave them any other time...oh If I see them at the store I think to myself it would be nice to have a box..but I can pass them up without too much trouble.

Another funny CCC story is one that happened when my daughter was a teen and we had just moved to Atlanta. I had bought a box of CCC and brought them home..That box of CCC hardly made it through the door before it was devoured (not just by me)...So I figured it would be a good present if I bought each of us our own box and wrap it up and put it under the tree...Well, as Christmas got closer, I noticed that there were a lot more than the three boxes that I had put there in the same shape...It seems that Robbi, her Boyfriend & Larry had the same idea...When we opened the boxes on Christmas morn there were 16 boxes of CCC...Now you think this would have cured me of my CCC obsession..(and truthfully it did for a couple of years) but this year it seems to be in full force...

But as I said I've been doing real good restraining myself, reminding myself that all that sugar tears up my stomach...makes me cough and I REALLY don't need it..also I can use the money on something else...

So tonight I stopped over to my daughters for (supposedly) a moment...(it actually ended up longer) and my SIL tries to give me a box of CCC..it seems like there was sale and he bought 4 boxes...NOW you can be proud of me...because I said NO...I really wanted to say YES, YES & Yes....but I know me I couldn't just eat one piece of candy I would end up eating that whole box (probably in my truck on my way home).

One thing that helped me control myself is that I signed up for a hike on Sunday and I've got to stay Totally away from ALL sugars this next 3 days or I will end up coughing and with heartburn..and I hate that..

But I'm determined that the Christmas Temptation will not win this year!

Wish me Luck because it seems that they (CCC) are everywhere!

Christmas Wishes!

I'm a firm believer in that although life can be hard for me, there is always some good in my life too.

As I sat at my friend's house last night drinking a glass of wine, visiting with 2 of my good friends, we were discussing another friend who lost her Father a couple of months ago and how she is having such a hard time dealing with it.  I feel for this friend and wish I could give her some words that would make it all better for her. This time of season seems like it is so much harder to deal with loss.

 I lost my son in November 1978 and I remember that 1st Christmas without him. I was lucky that I had my daughter and niece to put my focus on. I had no money that year but I had a sewing machine and a bag of material that had been given to me. So I made the girls pj's & nightgowns and for their dolls I made outfits with the scraps of material. Some friends gave me an old wagon that I repainted for my daughter. My daughter was only five years old that Christmas and she loved the wagon and played with her doll and clothes for a long time. Focusing on what I did have and keeping busy got me through that Christmas...I guess what I'm trying to say here is that although it was a hard Christmas for me, it also holds good memories. Life is like that! It will hand you the hard times but also give you the good if you will only reach out and take it.
Sometimes I get so wrapped up in what I DON'T have I forget what I DO have.  The material things seem to override all the other things in our lives. Right now, this morning, if I could be given One wish for Christmas, I wouldn't wish for money (although that would be nice to have)...I would wish that my friend and all the other's like her could find peace within themselves.

I look around at my family and friends and think how Lucky I am to have them. They are supportive of me and accept me just as I am (not always an easy thing). My Christmas wish for each of them is that they can   look for the good in their lives and only find happiness.

On the Positive Side: Although I couldn't go to the gym last, I did do my TaeBo workout at home in the morning before going to work (I'll be able to go the gym tonight).  Also I worked a couple of hours extra Tues night while Val's Dad went out to an event and got paid extra monies and he's asked me if I could stay extra on Friday night also. This gives me money to spend on Christmas gifts I wouldn't otherwise be able to afford this year. All is Good!

In This Topsy Turvy World

some times all it takes is knowing that you aren't alone..thanks to Grump and her comments on my last blog!

I woke up this morning thinking to myself.."I don't know why I keep struggling with this when I know I can't do it...I have no will power when it comes to food...I'm going to be busy this week and I won't get any exercise so I'll probably just put back on the weight that's taken me this long to take off...So why keep trying! Why don't I just Accept that I'm destined to be "Old and Fat"...Talk about feeling sorry for myself!!!

Well...thanks to Grump who got me going this morning I'm not going to Accept it. I deserve to be "fit & healthy"  I want to feel good about myself..It's when I stop caring that I defeat Myself! One thing that can be said about me is that I'm not a Quitter... What I really want to defeat is this feeling that I don't deserve to be what I know I can be..I just wish that it wasn't so hard to do.

Well, Nothing has ever been easy in my life, from my childhood, to losing a son and a husband...I've struggled with not having money before (you would think I would be good at it by now) and I've been by myself this past 8 years (really missing Larry today)..and will probably be by myself the rest of my life...So do I accept that all the bad things happening in my life and ignore all the good things I do have...NOT ON YOUR (or MY) LIFE!

Sure I don't have extra money to spend on presents for my family this year BUT I will still have Christmas at my house on Christmas Eve..I know that the kids all understand that I'm  not be able to give expensive gifts but I do have lots of LOVE to give to each of them. And although Larry isn't with me for Christmas (you would think after 8 years it would get easier), he's in my heart as always.

I'm determined I will get to the gym at least 2X this week. I will eat my soup (which is already made for the week) for lunch. I will not give into this Self pity party! Even if I don't lose weight this week I will NOT give up, there is always next week!

On the Positive Side...My bills are paid for this month..I have groceries in my house..I always have a book I can read..and I have family and friends out there that care about me...what else could a person want in life?

Quick update!

I did go to the gym on Thursday night but I got there later than I usually do (I worked late) and since I've been thinking about doing a class (I have done Kickboxing & Hip Hop classes a couple of year ago when I lost all my weight) I decided to check into the Cardio Kickboxing Class since it was just about to begin.
This was a big mistake for me...first off the instructor comes in and doesn't even say anything to anyone, just goes over to the stereo and starts his music, LOUD, even if he did say anything you couldn't hear him because the music was so LOUD. I guess I'm definitely getting older because although I don't mind loud music in my truck (that way I don't hear all the noise it makes) Loud music at the gym gives me a headache....Then he starts right in on jumping up and down and swinging his arms (I think it was suppose to be an upper cut)..now this may have been his warm up but it wasn't any moves I had ever seem before in any class I've taken...and it wasn't what I call a warm up but since I decided that I would try this class I went ahead and started jumping up & down, only to land wrong on my right foot and my ankle went out on me...I decided this was a sign that I wasn't meant to do this class..so I walked out on the class and went upstairs to the treadmill and tried to walk/run and made it for a mile before my ankle totally gave out on me..I finished up the night on the recumbent bike, did 3 miles, but even that hurt my ankle...
My ankle was fine yesterday but my legs were killing me from the workout on Weds night...I did go to the gym and did an upper body workout but no cardio...
It seems that I come up with these big plans but never carry them out all the way..not sure how to change this but will keep working on it..I know that I need to up my cardio!
Today is Saturday and I have a b'day party for my nephew in law who turns 45 this month so that means no gym tonight.... I will go after work..no worries about over eating, they will probably not have any foods that I like but it will be good to visit with people I don't see often anymore...
more later

Big Talk..now let's see some Action!

As I said before..I can talk big but when it comes to actually doing the deed I seem to fail at it.

I woke up this morning with the great idea of when I go to the gym tonight after work (notice I said When not IF) I will walk/run 3 miles on the treadmill. Now for some reason I can do 3 miles (45 mins) at the park (my problem there is actually going to the park...once I'm there no problem) but I can barely stand to do 1 1/2 miles (30 mins) on the treadmill. That 20 mins on the treadmill seems like forever. I don't listen to music because it gives me a headache. I've never been able to do more than 40 mins on a treadmill even in my "best" days when I was in good shape...not because my body couldn't do it but I just can't seem to get my mind wrapped around it.

So the challenge for me today is that I WILL get on that treadmill tonight after work and I will do 3 miles no matter how long it takes. My plan is not to do any weight tonight (I might do some ab work, no promises, I'll have to see how I feel). I did lower body last night at the gym (no cardio because I forgot my socks. EXCUSE?) and want to save my upper body for tomorrow night since so I can workout in the free weight area. I've got a b'day party to go to on Saturday night so this will be my only chance for the rest of this week.
I know I need to up my cardio anyway..

I will be back to record exactly what I do...this will keep my honest.
more later

Christmas is getting CLOSE!

I can't believe it's the first day of December already. How times flies!  Although I'm dreading Christmas because of my money situation, I've come to the conclusion since I can't keep it from happening then I'm going to "embrace" it.  I've got Christmas decorations I haven't put up for 8 years..and since this is something I can do that does not cost anything, I'll get up in the attic and pull them down and decorate my house this year...won't my kids be surprised. I put lights on one of my trees out in the yard last year and that shocked everyone..I think I'll go for a bigger shock this year. I'll post a picture here when I get done.

I've already told my daughter that I will be fixing her cousins & hers favorite meal this Christmas Eve (which is always spent at my house by the family) and she has offered to help with the cost. More on this later.

Last year I gave everyone books from my library (I was even more broke last year than I am this year). Not sure yet what I'm going to do but have been looking into what I can do on a budget. I really like giving presents (sometimes I think it's more fun for me than it is the person recieving) and I've been known to give some pretty weird gifts (especially to the guys).

I've made up my mind that I will not get depressed about what I CAN'T do this year but will look into what I CAN do.

More later since I'm running late (spent too much time reading other blogs) and have to go pack my lunch for work. Already have my bag for the gym packed!

What to do on my day off?

It's finally cold out here in Georgia...Not bad for the end of November..but the cold makes me just want to snuggle in on my day off.

So far today..I've done my load of laundry. Made my new favorite Wild Rice with Mushrooms soup for the week. Experimented with an old recipe (Ham Roll with Cheese Sauce) and came up with a new one using what I have in the cupboard..I call it Salmon Filled Pretzel Bites with White Cheese Dipping Sauce (whew what a mouthful)...It turned out really tasty (too bad I don't have someone to share it with)so I  typed up exactly how I made it and put it in a file in my documents for future use. I'm always experimenting with what I have in the cupboard and making up recipes, then I can never remember how I did it and can't fix it again..but this time I've got it figured out.  I figure it will be a good appetizer to take if I have a party to go to this next month... Still need to work on the dipping sauce since I don't use milk (don't even have any in the house) I used vegetable broth (it wasn't bad just missing something).

I had to put in a phone call to payroll because my check this week was shorted. After sitting on hold for over 20 mins (using up minutes on my cell phone) I actually got a hold of someone and hopefully we have it all straightened out. I feel this is a BIG accomplishment.

And now I'm going to treat myself for the rest of the day, fix myself a cup of hot tea and read my book in front of the fire because that is what I DO on my day off when it's too cold to go outside.

Having A great day here, hope you are too!

Talk is easy

but actually doing what you say can be a bitch..

I've been so mad at myself and life this past couple of weeks because AGAIN I've let myself down...I talk a good game but when it come down to it..that's all it is Talk!

So I come here and say how I'm going to lose 3 pounds in 1 week or I'll know why...Well, I didn't lose 3 pounds..I actually gained a 1/2 pound...Talk about upsetting! Trying to figure out what went wrong..During that week.I upped my exercise by doing my TaeBo in the morning and went to the gym in the evening and upped my weights.I ate soup for lunch everyday....yet I still didn't lose any weight..my daughter says it's because I'm building muscle (muscle weighs more than fat) and everyone knows that you can't build muscle and lose fat at the same time...She might be right because the next week I didn't go to the gym but still watched what I ate and I lost 1 pound..This past week I've gone back to the gym because 1. I'm paying for it..2. I love how my body & mind feels after a good workout.

I've come to the conclusion that although it may work for some people to have a plan and blog about it..that just doesn't work for me..It's like my body and mind are working against what I want! I hate the disappointment and how I feel that I've let myself down again..that I can't do anything that I say..so I go into hiding.

After a lot of thought about just giving up on the whole thing I've decided that I'm not going to let this thing beat me...I know I can lose the weight..I've done it before...I just have to find my own way of doing it and feeling good about myself in the progress sooo....I'm not going to give up totally..I'm still coming here to blog my thoughts BUT enough of the game playing for me..I will go back to Step 1 on figuring out how I'm going to get down below 200 pounds. No time limit for me...Wanting something is not enough, I have to figure out How to get what I want without setting myself up for failure!

On the Positive Side:  I went to the gym last night and actually ran half a mile on the treadmill without walking..I actually did 1 1/2 miles but the second half I had to walk/run a couple of times to catch my breath..legs never bother me..it's my breathing..It's weird but running on the treadmill is easier on my knees and balance than trying to walk fast. I don't always run, just when I feel like I want to move my body faster...I have to admit that I although I'm not losing the pounds like I want, I am feeling better about myself than I did a couple of months ago.

I went for a short walk with my daughter and g'daughter after dinner on Thanksgiving and I actually was able to keep up with my daughter (who walks fast) and even ran a bit with my g'daughter..Not bad for an old lady of 60 years young.

I have to keep reminding myself why I am doing this..It's for myself, so I can feel better, do the things I love!

I will not let "setback" stop me from going forward in my life! Who knows what's around the corner!
More later..

6 miles at the park today!

As I expected my friend backed out on the walk at the park today...This isn't the first time she has done this so I was prepared. She is one of those overweight people who is always saying that she needs to get started and lose weight but doesn't like gyms...so I keep suggesting she should come to the park with me but today she cancelled because she had to go to breakfast at Cracker Barrel with her family...hmmm walk at the park or eat a big southern type breakfast? Well of course she went out for breakfast at noon...oh well, I'll just keep on inviting her and someday maybe she will actually join me...it's not like the park is out of her way...

So I went to the park by myself....got a little later start than I had planned because I started to watch Xmas movies on tv...I forced myself to turn it off after the first one and got in the truck and went...It was such a beautiful day out...I've been trying to increase my speed while walking on the treadmill at the gym to see if it will help me while I walk at the park...I really want to start going on hikes with the AOC group and be able to keep up with everyone..so today I decided to push myself and walked at a faster pace than I usually do..I didn't run/jog at all...I told myself that if I could do the one time around the lake (3 miles) pushing myself as much as I could then I would turn around and to the loop again at my usual pace...which made it 6 miles...by mile 5 my quads were starting to feel it...but I made it...I may not be losing any pounds but I feel that I am definitely getting more fit....

Day 5 Inspiration:  Overlook your flaws. Celebrate your strengths!

I Will continue on no matter what!

I gave into temptation this morning and weighed myself first thing when I got out of bed...I figured that since I'm half way through I should have at least lost 1 1/2 pounds....I should have known better...the scale said I've lost  .6 pounds that's just a little over half a pound..come on! I've upped my exercise and been pretty much watching what I eat..lots of homemade soup..and I still can't lose this weight..What gives with my body? Why is it so easy to gain weight but so hard for me to lose it? So do I just give up and forget about losing this 3 pounds this week? NO WAY...I still have 3 days so I got my butt into the living room and did my TaeBo workout tape..and now I feel better...I AM NOT going to get back on the scale until Monday morning no matter what!

Funny how this bookmark with the Inspirations on it goes with my week so perfectly
Day 5 Inspiration: Setbacks can only stop you if you let them!

I'm determined to see this through!

Day 5 Morning

TaeBo workout   DONE
Supplements & Vitamins   DONE
Breakfast/oatmeal/cranberries   DONE
Gym bag packed     DONE
Lunch (soup from yesterday) packed DONE
Attitude Adjustment     DONE

I did go to the gym last night. I didn't give into the IC or excuses although I did go out to dinner with Princess Val and her Dad after taking her to the Dentist, before going to the gym...I usually never eat before going to the gym..it's just too hard..but I ate fairly light (1/2 naked baked potato, sauteed mushrooms & steamed veggies off the side items) and as I said I did NOT give in and use that as an excuse (mainly because I knew I didn't get my morning workout in)..I upped my cardio (did all three Elliptical/recumbent bike/treadmill) for a total of 30 mins and then did a good leg workout...I was sweaty and tired by the time I got done.

I will go again tonight and plan on doing the Stair Monster (for cardio) and then hit the weight room for some upper body workout...Yay for Saturdays when there isn't many peeps at the gym.

I have a 3 mile hike planned for tomorrow with a friend..I hope she doesn't back out on me...if she does I guess I'll just have to go by myself...no Problem!

 LOL..I just read Dr. Fatty's blog from yesterday...Maybe it's not me but my scale...I'm going in and reading her letter to her scale to mine right now and telling it it's from me..That will teach it!...

Day 4

Not a good start...I slept in, woke up with a stuffed up head and didn't do TaeBo this morning...I truly feel I need a break..I don't think I could do a leg kick even if I wanted to..I will do a leg workout and extra cardio tonight at the gym though. No Excuses!

TaeBo   NO
Supplements & Vitamins   DONE
1 piece of toast with an egg/hot choc for breakfast   DONE
Gym bag packed    DONE
Lunch (leftover veg. soup, I added some Kidney beans) packed   DONE
Attitude Adjustment    Still needs to be done!

DAY 4 INSPIRATION (I didn't plan this and this is what it really says LOL)
Give yourself permission to relax!

Day 3

First off I would like to tell "Grump" Thanks for all of her comments and that she has nothing to be ashamed for...we each do our own thing and truthfully although I'm determined to do this THIS week, I can't make any promises what will happen next week. We each find our own motivation in our own way. You are doing good by blogging..it helps me to know that I'm not alone in this WAR against "lazy" self...

Day 3
TaeBo tape Done
Supplements & vitamins Done
Gym Bag packed Done
Oatmeal/cranberries for breakfast Done
Lunch (soup again) packed   Done

Yep I went to the gym last night even after going over to my daughters for a few minutes...No excuses accepted! I kept my truck running while in my daughter's so I would be tempted to stay..I had to deliver some candles to her that she had ordered..
The gym is a good place for me..I saw a couple of friends that encourage me to keep coming. And I raised my weights on the bench press...whooo hooo ..I'm aiming to become the "strong older woman" of the gym...

I've been fighting a temptation today...I keep thinking about getting on the scale and weighing to see if I'm losing...I know this is not good for me...and I will wait until Monday to weigh but the temptation is killing me..
I've never been one of those people who believe in the scale because it fluctuates all the time...I've tested it myself by weighing myself several times in one day and it always read a different number.  So I WILL stay away from the scale..but what a temptation!

I put on my favorite jeans (size 16) today and had to lay on the bed to snap and zip them up (I just washed them)..this is not good...With the ab exercises I've been doing I can see the differance above my waistline but that "apron" on my lower belly just does not go away, except when I put on tight jeans then it only moves up above the waistline to become my "muffin top"..it's like a big jelly roll...moves around all over the place...this is not good..I know that the jeans will stretch out as the day goes by and fit better(at least I hope so) but in the meantime here I sit with my belly being held tight in by material and makes it hard for me to breath..(how did I do this when I was young and ALWAYS wore Tight jeans?). I try not to get discouraged about the rolls of fat I have but the one thing I do know from past experience is that although I can lose the pounds and become smaller in size, I will still have all of the extra skin hanging on my "apron"(lower belly), my "Wings" (under my arms) and "Wattle" (under my chin)..this is what happened to me when I got down to size 10.They don't look as big but they are still there flapping...I hate it but it's part of getting older I guess! I try not to think about it but it is always in the back of my mind...It doesn't change my mind about wanting to get back to my size 10 but it does bother me. I guess it comes down to me wanting to look good! Can I feel good if I don't look good? Hmmm that's the big question for me today! I do feel good about myself (as long as I don't look in the mirror or see a picture of myself)...


Day 3 Inspiration...Every little success counts!

Day 2 started off right!

With the time change I'm waking up an hour earlier (by the clock)..I never set an alarm but just wake up when the sun comes out (I sleep with my blinds open. Good thing I don't have any neighbors behind me). Instead of pulling the covers over my head and trying to go back to sleep I actually got up and pulled on my workout clothes and did my TaeBo tape...whooo hooo...My IC was trying to tell me that I ached too much and that since I worked out twice yesterday I deserve a break..I had one thing to say to that IC...
"THREE POUNDS!!!!!." and believe me I said it loud and clear..there was no contest who would win this morning..After my work out I took my supplements and started my homemade veggie soup (for lunch), then fixed myself 1 piece of toast with pb, and ate it with a banana and a glass of juice.  I've got all my workout clothes for tonight laid out on the bed , all I have to do is put them in the bag and I'm ready for the day..
It amazes me how good I feel when I actually get myself going in the morning...Shoot I already feel thinner...that may be because I'm sitting up straight instead of slouching...exercise does that for me!

DAY 2 Inspiration....You can handle anything that comes your way!

I'm committing myself!

Ok I've had enough of my wishy washy ways...I'm tired of not really Committing myself to losing any weight..I've been telling myself that it doesn't matter if I lose weight this week...that I didn't gain it overnight so I won't lose it overnight...BullShit!..this is just an excuse to myself so I don't feel like I'm a failure...I know that if I really commit I will lose this weight NOW...I've done it before and I CAN do it again! But if I keep up the way I've been going the last few months I WON'T see the results I want to see! To do that I have to get off my fat butt and COMMIT!  This is my pep talk to myself today!

So I'm going to LOSE 3.4 pounds this week...by this time next Tuesday I will weigh 210 or I will know Why!
I got up this morning and did my TaeBo tape..worked up a good sweat..Took the last of my yummy Wild Rice/Mushroom/Spinach soup and grapes to work for lunch and a snack..Then after work I went to the gym and worked up another good sweat...I know that To lose this 3.4 pounds I'm going to have to work hard this week..watch what I eat (plan on lots of healthy soups) and drink water, water and more water! My head is still congested so I'm doing alot of breathing through my mouth, which is dry and the more water I drink the thirstier I get..What gives with that?

In reorganizing and cataloging my books I found one that I had on my shelf that I'm rereading (although I don't remember reading it the first time). It was written in the 90's by Alice Faye (an actress/singer from the 30's & 40's). She was in her 70's when she wrote the book which is "Growing Older, Staying Younger". She died at the age of 83 in 1998. I haven't gotten that far into it yet but so far I like it..She's all about fitness and staying young (as in attitude and body)...I always feel that if I can learn at least one thing that I can use from these kind of books than I'm ahead of the game. One of the things that she said that hit home for me was that as a young woman she didn't have self confidence in herself but after she reached her 50's she found that confidence...I've always had a problem with Self confidence...so maybe there's still hope for me...

I do have confidence that I can lose this 3 pounds this week..(I keep thinking if I say enough it will come true)..
 Now for the mushy stuff...in one of the books I found a book mark cut out from a magazine (possibly Woman's World I know I used to read it alot)...It is titled 7 Days of Inspiration..so here goes ..(.I'll add one each day of this week)...
Day 1..Think good thoughts about yourself. They're all true!

Who knew WalMart was a "pick up" place?

I've been a widow going on 8 years and altho I did do some dating a couple of years ago, I haven't dated since I gained the weight back. In fact I tell everyone that I'm not interested in finding someone to date. The truth is I don't think there is anyone out there that would want me and I'm not taking the chance of getting the brush off because I'm not only too old but too fat. I think what I miss the most is the flirting.  When I lost all my weight 5 yrs ago, I felt so good about myself that I would flirt with everyone. Now I just feel like a wall flower. 
What lead me to thinking about dating again is...I'm off work today and I went to Wally World to do my shopping this afternoon.  Well when I got there I noticed several older (like gray haired) ladies all decked out going into the store. I looked around and damn if there weren't a bunch of older men doing their grocery shopping..you could tell they were single by the little they had in their cart. In fact while in the canned beans section one older gentleman actually said to me that he was looking for a smaller can of chili because it was for just him since he lives by himself.  I'm not sure if he was flirting with me or not. LOL...There were several men that looked to be in their early 60's..I didn't realize this was a "pick up" place but there seemed to be some flirting going on over the fresh fruit between several of those older ladies & gents. It was funny. Who knew !
Most of the time I'm okay with living by myself and I really don't want to go through all the trouble "breaking
in" someone. I have girlfriends that I go out with. Also I meet people through my AOC group, although most of them are in their 30's & 40's. And then if I really want "eye candy" I check out the guys at the gym. So it's not like I'm lonely or desperate for someone..it's just that I would like Not to worry that I couldn't attract someone if I saw someone I wanted because of my size.
I can't stop getting older but I can stop being "fat".
Didn't do much on my day's off except working on cataloging all my books (still)...got a lot of exercise bending down and picking up books...stretching to the top of the bookcases..and carrying books from one room to the other...lots of squats! 
Back to work and the gym tomorrow!

Brrrrr

I think winter has arrived in Georgia. I closed all of my windows and turned on the heat this week. I even brought my one plant I keep outside in the summer into the house because there was a freeze warning. (I will move it into the garage tomorrow since it always tries to die on me in the house. I've had this plant for over 7 years and we go through the same thing every year)..that's how I know when to drag out my winter clothes.
Yep...it's time for the big baggy sweatshirts which I used to think hid all of my fatty parts on my body..WRONG! Who am I kidding! Big only makes me look bigger!
I'm lucky I have a job where I can wear anything I want so I don't HAVE to dress up like if I had an office job (altho from what I can see most office jobs are pretty casual anymore). So I'm looking in my closet this morning trying to decide what to wear and decided to dress up a little..I like to do this for ME every once in awhile...it makes me feel good. I found a blouse that I don't wear often because it's long sleeves (I have short arms and long sleeve always go down to my knuckles) and it's the type that you can roll the sleeve up..but I decided that I like this blouse and I want to wear it anyway. Then I put on one of my favorite necklaces (I haven't been wearing necklaces at all for a while because I think it draws attention to my double chins and "wattle" because I like Chokers!) which  actually fits me better now than the last time I tried it on...whoohooo. I feel pretty today and am ready to face anything...

I made the best ever Wild Rice & Mushroom soup last night and will take it to work for lunch with me (actually I made a big pot so will have enough for a few days). I have my gym bag packed ready to hit the gym today (didn't go last night) and work out with the free weights (my favorite)...I just remembered that I hadn't taken my vitamins & supplements yet so Stopped everything and went and took them. I've had my oatmeal/cranberries for breakfast.  I'm off work tomorrow and the next day...I plan on going to the park for another great walk and will hopefully finish up with my bookcases...I have 5 of them done, which only leaves 4 left (I'm not going to do my cookbooks which is a whole nother bookcase at this time)..The sun is shining and I feel GOOD!

No time this morning

Had to pay my bills (online) this morning so now I'm not only late but broke...
I did go to the gym last night and got in a pretty good workout on my legs...but probably not good enough since I'm not sore...hmmm  maybe I need to change up my workout again...
The sun is shining this morning but I think it's a little cool outside. I've got a problem in the fact that I only have one pair of pants that fits me comfortably...I have other pants that fit me but are tight...I do have quite a few pairs of capri's which I've been wearing but my legs get cold..I need to lose this 5 pounds so all my pants will fit me comfortably...talk about motivation...
Got to go...More later

Another day...

Yesterday went pretty good..working on having another good day today.
After arguing with my Inner Child (I call her Evil Eva) who tried to convince me that it would be better to go home, sit in front of the fireplace and read a book than to go to the gym and get a work out...I won or I should say I compromised..I did go to the gym but I'm sorry to say I didn't work out as hard as I have been. I only put in 15 mins of cardio , I did get in a good upper body workout but didn't do any abs (which I truly need). Then I came home, curled up on the couch with a blanket and watched TV (no I didn't start up a fire in the fireplace, it was too late by the time I got home).
I've taken my supplements & vitamins & packed my gym bag already this morning. I still have to figure out what to take to work for lunch. Although They (being Princess Val's Dad) agreed to feed me, the food he has at the house just isn't what I like and need. Funny thing is when I first started this job (and one of the reasons I was so happy about it) I was impressed because when I saw the food in the kitchen I was to feed Princess Val it was all healthy foods..well that didn't last long..now when "Dad" does the shopping he brings home "lots of Junk foods".  His idea of healthy and mine are two differant things. I have tried helping him by giving suggestions but he is the type that thinks he knows it all...so I've started taking my own food..and sometimes I share it with Princess Val...
Running late again..so More Later

I feel Yechy today!

I haven't been feeling too good for the past couple of weeks..lots of aches & pains...my head is all stuffy (allergies?) and yesterday I was suffering from UTI. Some of the aches & pains (knees mostly) are my own fault...I haven't been taking my vitamins & supplements regularly...I know when I do that I feel better. I've been a  hypochondriac since I was a kid...I thought I had overcome this in the past years but I'm not sure if a lot of what I'm feeling is just in my head. I hate being sick...I love feeling good! So I'm adding taking my Supplements & Vitamins DAILY to my goal for this month...When I lost the weight last time I was taking 10 different vitamins/supplements daily..I can't afford that now so I've trimmed it down to 4 basics I feel I need at this time. I take a woman's multi vitamin, Calcium Citrate +D (I don't drink milk of any sorts), Vitamin C & Glucosamine Chondroitin plus MSM supplement.

I didn't make it to the gym last night. I have excuses! I had to go over to my daughters to have my son-in-law work on my truck...and then I was in pain from the UTI...(I pushed loads of water into my system and I seem to be better today, still hurts some but not like last night) ....my head was hurting from being stuffy and I had to get home to watch The Biggest Loser...I still have my bag packed and in my truck so I have every intention on going tonight. I've eaten my oatmeal/cranberries and drank my glass of mango juice for breakfast, I have my soup ready to take with me to Princess Val's, got my book to read and I'm ready for to go to work.
More Later

Goals for November!

I weighed in this morning and I've 1.4 pounds..I'll take it! Not going to be upset because it's only one pound but look at it as a Positive. I didn't make my goal of 8 pounds by the end of October but I came close. So will set a new goal for November. I really want to lose 2 pounds a week..that would put me at 205 the first of December  and then I would only need to lose 6 pounds to be under 200 by the first of the Year. December's a tough month because of the Holiday..the big challenge will be the sweets. To reach this goal I will have to get control of what I'm eating and quit making excuses and get to the gym and work out more...

EXERCISE...my goal for the gym is at least 3 times a week to get a GOOD workout..that means cardio and strength training. On my days off I will either work in the yard, go for a hike (with my AOC group or by myself at my favorite park) or work out with one of my Tae Bo videos.
FOOD...One of the things I loved when I was losing weight 5 years ago was trying new Healthy foods...I'm now on the quest to find Healthy Budget friendly foods...it's a challenge to myself.
WATER...although I do drink water I need to drink more...I average about 40 fl oz right now and it needs to be at least 64 oz..I used to drink a gallon a day...I've been drinking a lot of teas and hot chocolate lately. I will limit myself to one cup of either a day as a treat.
JOURNAL...Keeping honest with myself by coming here! Not always the easiest thing for me.

My Walk In the Park Today!





My first day off on a Monday. I got up and got on the computer to work on reorganizing my books. Went on line to find Healthy ideas on a budget (see new food blog sites) and then I looked out the window and realized that I was wasting a perfectly beautiful day. I've been bad about getting my exercise this week so decided enough with the excuses and put on my shoes and drove to my favorite park.
I love this park it's a 3 mile loop with lots of trees and rolling hills! Since I don't have a digital camera I used my phone camera..Not too bad !

There were a lot of squirrels running around collecting all of the acorns today. There is one on the tree but it's hard to see!



I'm standing on a bridge





I love the boardwalk!





The End!



20 Things Reasons

20 Things Reasons for Me to lose weight!

1. Getting dressed without having to try on several things before finding something that fits.

2. Shopping for clothes at any store I want and not having to worry that they won’t have something that will fit me.

3. Climbing up stairs without getting out of breath or having to haul myself up with the hand rail.

4. Being able to get off the floor without having to grab onto furniture.

5. Looking in the mirror and liking what I see.

6. Being able to cross and uncross my legs comfortably and easily.

7. Being able to move around in restaurants between tables without worry about bumping into people.

8. Being able to wear a skirt or shorts without my thighs chafing.

9. Being able to hike and keep up with the rest of the group.

10. Fitting into chairs with arms

11. Being able to cut my toenails

12. Being able to bend over and tie my shoes without getting out of breath.

13. No more heartburn.

14. Being able to play around with my GrandKids.

15. Being able to get in and out of cars/trucks easy.

16. Being able to "hop up" out of bed or a chair rather than having to plan in advance how to haul myself up.

17. Feeling so much healthier, stronger, happier.

18. How proud my family is of what I accomplished.

19. Feeling about ten years younger.

20. Having people rave about how good I look!

This thanks to an article in SparksPeople...I used some of her reasons and added my some of my own...

What Happened to Glenn?

I've been following Glenn @ Fifty Five & Fat and he was one of my followers but tonight I see he dropped out..I hope it wasn't something I said. I hope everything is all right with him, he's been doing so good. I love his commuting stories and he always has  positive comments to my blog. That's one of the problems with blogging..you get to "know" and like people and then all of sudden they drop out and you have no idea what happens to them.
Glenn..if you read this..I hope everything is good for you! You have been a real inspiration to me!

Books, Books, and more Books

I know that I should be blogging about "weight loss" but I'm on a kick on something else right now (at least for today).


B'day bookcase

  I love to read..in fact you could call me an avid reader. I read all kinds of books..I go through periods of doing nothing but reading (I'm in one of those periods now). I truthfully could live without TV but don't take my books away.

I have bookcases full of books in every room of my house (except the bathrooms).  Larry had the bookcase  in my office built for me for my B'day one year (best gift EVER)...and the small bookcase in my living room is the one my GrandDad built over 50 years ago.




GrandDad's Bookcase


 This is only 2 of my many bookcases. I have Books stacked up on the floor in two rooms because I've run out of space for bookcases..books in boxes in the closet...book up in the attic...boxes out in the garage...my kids tell me that I can never move because of the books..Get the idea!

With so many books I sometimes forget what book I have and when I go to the bookstore I end up buying a book only to find out I have it already. (This happened to me last week)..or that my daughter has it in her books.
Anyway I've tried to catalog all of my books on the computer a couple of times in the past..it has never worked...either my computer crashed and I lost all the info or I would see a book that I hadn't read for awhile and would get sidetracked and start reading again. Last night I decided that I would try again and stayed up till 3 am this morning working on a simple Excel Spreadsheet and now I don't have time to think about blogging about weight loss...but I'm still working on it.
Got to go to work...I love this job because while I'm waiting for Princess Val to get dressed and eat, I have to be real quiet...so I sit there and READ a book!...It's the Perfect Job for me..I just wish it paid more. But hey I'm not complaining..IT's a JOB!

I hate the word OBESE!

I watched "The Biggest Loser" last night and as I watch these "obese" people get on the scale to weigh themselves I wonder if our society is getting immune to the sight of really obese people and how is that affecting all of us.
Ten years ago these people would have never came out in the public looking like they do but now (for money and fame?) they bare it all on TV. Don't get me wrong I think it's great that they are finding help to get the bodies they need and want but is it entertainment or motivation for most people.

 I see rolls & rolls of fat on their bodies and think "Thank God that isn't me...I'm not that fat so I don't have anything to worry about". I see people at the store who are too "obese" to walk so they take the "electric cart" and fill it up with junk foods. And I think to myself...Thank God that isn't me...I'm not that fat so I don't have anything to worry about"...I see the "obese" woman with her chubby little kids in line at the grocery store, her cart full of junk foods and soda's and think to myself that I am so much better than she because see I don't buy cookies, cakes, donuts or soda's.
What does it matter IF I am 30, 40 , 50 or 100 pounds overweight I'm still "OBESE" !

Lord how I hate that word...From my Webster Dictionary...OBESE adj. Lat. obesus grown fat from eating... Get IT! It doesn't say you get OBESE from lack of exercise or that it's hereditary...that it's your Mom's fault that you're OBESE or that Life made you OBESE...NO! it says you've grown FAT from eating!!! So why am I still making excuses in what I eat...there are alot of people in this world who don't belong to the gym or work out daily but they do eat sensibly so they are not OBESE...I want to be one of those people...but because I'm OBESE and have GROWN FAT FROM EATING,  it will NEVER be easy for me..It will always be a struggle...I Will have to exercise to burn this extra fat off my body, I will have to watch my calories and I will have to drink my water...

Because the one thing I do know is that IF I accept that I'm OBESE then the possibility of my being as fat as those people on the show or the people in the grocery store will be come a reality and that is NOT acceptable to me.

Starting the day off right!

It's my day off today..and I've work up a good sweat with Billy Blanks Tae Bo. I feel full of energy now! I had a glass of juice and in a little while I'll fix me my oatmeal. I NEVER eat before I exercise because I would get reflux.  It takes awhile for me to feel hungry after I exercise. I like to relax so when I do eat it will stay down. I hate having stomach problems but that's life for me and I've learn how to deal with it.

I did NOT listen to my inner child last night and I DID go to the gym...I will admit that I called my Daughter to push me into going. My inner child was giving me lots of EXCUSES not to go but I didn't give in and as usual once I was there I did fine. In fact although I didn't do the treadmill for cardio, one of the Stair Monsters was free and just waiting for me so I did 20 mins on it..It kicked my butt...by the time I was done I was soaking wet with sweat but it felt good..I kept my form (no leaning over and holding onto the front of the machine as I see so many peeps doing) and upped my level. Then I did a good leg work out..(gripping here).one of the things that really bugs me about the gym is those people who sit on a machine (especially if there is only one, like the abductor machine) and visit with their friends while I'm waiting to use that machine. I will usually ask (politely) how many more sets they have and hope they take the hint...and if they don't then I move onto another machine until they leave..but it still upsets me when peeps use the gym for social hour...when I talk with others I try not to hog a machine at the same time. But I still love going to the gym.  I haven't seen the older lady that I talked with last week but I'm hoping that she is coming at a different time than me.

Still not as on track with eating as I would like to be but I am working on it. It's not that I eat food that I shouldn't, more like that I don't balance my meals like I know I need to be doing. It's hard for me to get in enough protein in my diet. I would be happy just eating Vegetables only all day long!
On the Positive side..I am doing better at controlling my sugar intake..in fact I had to ask my daughter to bring sugar ( for those people who use it in their coffee or tea) to my candle party because I didn't have any in the house and didn't want to buy any and have it here in the house. I'm using honey in my tea or drinking the loose leaf tea that my friend Corey brought me from Germany..it has dried fruit in it so I don't need any sweetener. I do so love my tea!

I finally faced the dreaded scale today and I've lost another pound for a total of six. Although I wish it was more I'm not discouraged. I know for me it just going to take time..I guess I would rather lose it slow than fast..I've done it both ways before and I need time to adjust my thinking so once I do lose it I will NOT gain it back...I want off this yo yo merry go round...

I don't have any plans on what to do with my 2 days off right now. I'm still short on money this week so don't want to burn gas running around so looks like I'll stay home. I'll probably end up reading one of my new (used) books...good thing I worked out this morning...

Thinner or Stronger?

It's rain here this morning and I'm feeling achey all over. Sometimes getting old isn't much fun. Am I complaining....NO just stating a fact.  I've got my gym bag packed for tonight and even if I'm still achey I know I will feel better after I work out. I probably won't do any cardio tonight as it is Monday and EVERYONE hits the gym on Monday, and it seems like they are all on the treadmill. I will not use that as an excuse Not to go (although I'm tempted and that's why I posted it here so I can't use it as an excuse..lol)

I did go to the gym last night and because it was Sunday I actually got to work out in the weight room. I love working with the free weights but I feel that since I'm not a "serious" weight lifter that I shouldn't take up a bench when there are "serious" guys there working out...For some reason Saturdays & Sundays there are only a few "serious" people there and I can always get a bench. I upped my weights last night on bench presses and felt better about my progress than I have in awhile. It's been tough since I've been back because I had to drop my weights back almost to where I was when I started 5 years ago..but I'm getting stronger every time I go in.  This is my favorite time at the gym..I figure I will be one of the oldest "STRONG" lady around..The problem with weight training is that muscle weighs more than fat so although I feel I'm getting stronger I'm not losing the weight like I should be. So Do I want to be thinner or do I want to be stronger?
I am doing some cardio at the gym (this should help with losing weight)..I like a good warm up of about 20 mins (this is about all I can stand doing on the treadmill) and I'm trying to get back into running. My knee has been giving me trouble lately but I dug out my knee brace and have been wearing it. I've gotten my time down on doing a mile to less than 14 mins (that's down from 18 mins). This is interval running and walking (mostly walking right now) on the random setting with an incline of 7. I've been working up a pretty damn good sweat doing this..and it's a good warm up before I go do the weights which is my main goal.

I did good on my eating yesterday..I had my oatmeal for breakfast..took a spinach salad with grapes for lunch. some crackers with my hummus/avocado dip for snack and when I got home I fixed myself some veggie soup for dinner. It was nice eating what I like and feeling satisfied.


Good news...starting the first of November I will be getting off work on Sundays and Mondays instead of Tues & Weds..this means that I will be able to get in some Sunday hikes with my AOC group. With the weather getting cooler I can't wait.  I probably won't get back into backpacking this year but hopefully by spring I will be able to get in at least one trip..it's a goal to work for.

The answer to my question of whether I want to be thinner or stronger is ....ta da...I want to be both...I want to be a thinner stronger person..that's what I was a couple of years ago and I want that back. I know with hard work I CAN DO IT!

Saying "NO" and being consistent!

Opps..didn't even get on the computer yesterday so no post..
My candle party Friday night was alright..not spectacular but I really am not one for those so call "parties" where you sell things. The only reason I did this one was I have a friend who is trying to start her own business so I got talked into it.. I really need to learn how to say "NO" to things like this.
The positive side is that it was nice to see some of my friends and family get together..something that doesn't happen often.
I've always prided myself on being able to say "NO" but lately I haven't been doing good in this department.
Not only did I get talked into this party but I've not been eating the way I should..I've given into my "Inner child" way to much lately..not only on what to eat but going to the gym. I do good some days but I'm not consistent. Something I really need to work on.
Yesterday I wasn't feeling the best (too much wine?)and was tired from staying up so late Friday night so I came home instead of going to the gym...but today I'm back on plan..I have my gym bag pack and also have my spinach salad ready to take with me to work.  I'm feeling good today.

Real quick

I'm going in to work early today because I'm hosting a Candle party tonight (what was I thinking?) so have to make this one quick!
For a good laugh make sure to check out Jack Sh*t today.

I did go to the gym last night and pushed myself over my comfort zone..It hurt so bad it felt good! Not going tonight because of the party but  will be back there tomorrow night.
I'm one of those "talkers" at the gym...Last night I saw this "older" overweight woman working out with a younger (really fit) guy (turns out he's her son) so I gave her some encouraging words to motivate her..it was her first time at the gym and I didn't want her to get discouraged. She's the same age as me (which is really unusual) and her daughter and son have been trying to get her to come to the gym for quite some time..she said one of her biggest worries was that she would be the oldest and fasted person there...LOL...That's one of the things I do love about my gym..there are all types of people that go there...some really buffed out guys (eye candy for me) in the weight room...and then the rest of us. I have made many friends there over the past 5 years.
Opps just looked at the time..got to go!
More later

No excuses here!

I left my reading glasses at Princess Val's last night so am having to squint to read what I type..hopefully I have my fingers on the right keys...LOL. I want to keep to my plan of blogging each day. That means NO EXCUSES! (TG for spell check)
I did good yesterday..I went to the gym, did my cardio on the elliptical (15 mins) and the treadmill.(I walked at a 14 incline, the highest the tm machine will go, for 15 mins)..worked up a good sweat...flirted with the guy on the tm next to me...oopps...I meant I talked with him..he was nice but too young as usual. I've seen him there before and he talked to me first. Then I did strength training for the upper body. I will do my lower body (legs mostly) tonight. I really like going to the gym. I feel so good when I leave it.
I came home and steamed me some veggies for supper.
I've got my gym bag packed for tonight and am actually looking forward to going.
Now I'm off to read (squinting) to see how everyone else did yesterday.
More Later

I'm so bad!!!!

I didn't go to the gym AGAIN last night! All day my back was bothering me. Not sure what the problem was but it is better this morning (finally). So I spent the time I would have at the gym and went to the store to pick up some things I need for Friday night (should free me up to go to the gym Thurs night).
Then came home and watched The Biggest Loser. Which will probably be the last time I watch that show for this season. It's now getting more into the competition part of the show and they put that girl from Atlanta that cries all of the time that I couldn't stand in the first show on.

For the past week I haven't been able to get back into my routine at the gym for some reason or other (mostly excuses).  I have big plans to get back and really work out on a regular schedule but it seems that I'm not as COMMITTED as I need to be. I am the one holding me back. I use the excuse I want to "find myself" first before really getting serious and committing to lose this weight but after reading Jodi at Truth2BeingFit I realize that I need to commit to my exercise plan and my eating plan NOW and while I'm losing the weight work on how I can stay on my plans and not get side tracked like I have the last couple of weeks.
I'm going to follow Dr J's advice on Getting Unstuck. He really hits on exactly why I'm stuck.
So many others out there are doing it. Yes, it's harder now that I'm older, alone and broke (these are only Excuses) but I am sure there is a way to do it and I WILL figure it out. My new Mantra is not "I'm going to do it" but "I AM DOING IT"..thanks Dr.J.

A little of this and a little of that!

It's Tuesday and I have to go to work...hmmm...I guess I've actually gotten used to having Tues & Weds off..Like I said my job isn't too hard so I don't really mind.
I didn't get to the gym last night because Princess Val was having a very bad day. She couldn't focus, only wanted to jabber to herself and go around in circles (the Autism was in full force). I couldn't get her settled down even to eat..took me about 3 hrs to get her to eat a bowl of chicken/rice/broccoli (one of her favorites)..
Finally around 5 pm her Dad and I took her to the park and walked about a mile with her with each of us holding her hands so she couldn't wander..this seemed to calm her down a little. Then Dad drove us to McDonalds to get her a McFlurry and a Fish sandwich (which she ate..hooray). I don't eat fast foods so all I had was an iced tea. By the time we got back to their house is was late. The worry about this young lady not eating is that she only weighs about 60 pounds as is and can't afford not to eat. I wish I could give her some of my weight. I figure she burns about 2000 calories just because she never stays still. That's been one of my biggest problems at this new job is trying to figure out how to get enough calories into this girl to keep her from going into a chemical imbalance..normally she does fine with eating but since her schedule was all changed this past weekend, she is way off... Hopefully today she will be better.

So although I didn't get to the gym at least I got some exercise in the Walk. Won't be able to work out at the gym on Friday because I'm hosting a party at my place Friday night. Am I ready for that? NO!
I'm going to try a new recipe for Hummus Guacamole I found on SparkPeople.

Since I cleaned my windows this past weekend and the weather is so nice here I've left them opened. I love the fresh air coming in...would sleep better except that I now can hear my neighbors dog Scooby (a great Dane) barking..I usually don't hear any of the dogs in the neighborhood (and believe there are lots of them) but for some reason Scooby has been barking constantly for the past two days..in fact I can tell he is getting hoarse today. I'm not going to close my windows and hopefully I Will get used to his barking and will be able to block it out.

Got to get my stuff ready for work and head out..More later

Where did the weekend go?

Here it is Monday morning already. The weekend went so fast. I didn't get all that I had plan accomplished but I still feel I had a pretty good time. My daughter & g'daughter came over Saturday and we got the kitchen./dining room windows washed. This is a big job and I couldn't have gotten it done without their help. It was nice spending time with my daughter..we laughed alot remembering the past when Larry was alive. Although he was her Step Dad, to my daughter Larry was her DAD. We got together when she was seven years old and although there were times when they didn't get along..most of the time they did..Lots of memories there. (For some reason I've been thinking about Larry alot lately..it's been seven years since he died).
Sunday I took my hike and then mostly slept and did nothing the rest of the day.
I have to work straight through the next 8 days to make up the days the extra days that I did get off..It won't be any big deal since my job isn't all that hard.
I've got my bag for the gym packed and will hit it hard there tonight after work. I'm planning to get at least 5 days in at the gym this week.
More later