Goal # 3..There's no turning back now!

So I've been busy with my first 2 goals ...Believing in myself and Being my own Best Friend..I decided today that it's time to move on to the next goal..

Goal # 3 is to do a 5k (run or walk)
I've just signed up (and paid) on line for the Duluth Fall Festival 5k race on Sept 26th. And since there is no refund, I have one month to get myself ready.

5 years ago when this picture was taken I came in second place for my age group (and got the plaque to show for it..LOL) at this race   I look happy don't I? I was in pretty good shape because I had worked hard for 2 years and was close to my weight goal. I had lost over 60 pounds.

I would love to have this success again (in the race and the weight loss).

I know for this race I will have to work extra hard to get myself ready. This will be the third time I've done this race course..it's a nice course..not too strenuous or too hilly so I figure it's a good one to start off with (again). I'm excited about it. It's the motivation I need to get myself going. No more Excuses!

I'll tell you the truth..I have the jittery stomach thinking about putting myself out there again. I know I can do this. I need to get myself out of the "comfort zone" at the gym and start pushing myself more.

SO the Plan (I seem to love plans today) is to start running intervals on the treadmill at the gym in the evenings after work at least 3 times a week. I need to get up earlier in the morning (truthfully I've been staying up till 12- 1 in the morning and then staying in bed until 8 am) and take a walk/jog around the neighborhood..it's got some great hills at least 2 days a week (if not more). On my days off I need to get my butt to my favorite park (which is where I trained for 5k & 10k's before) whether it's in the morning or the evening..I've done this in the past and I can do it again.

I have my support team behind me...I 've just talked with my daughter and she and the grandkids are coming to cheer me on. I also posted on facebook so I know that all my friends will be supporting me.

I have the KNOWLEDGE all I have to do is put it into ACTION!

And since today is my day off I will finish cleaning my house and then go to the park..I HAVE A GOAL!

Learning to accept myself as I am right now and loving it

Does not mean that I don't want to lose this extra 50 pounds I'm carrying around..it means that I refuse to moan and groan about how I look right now. I'm finding that I am more than what I see in the mirror and I really like who I am..My weight does not define who I am. I CAN still be happy and love life. I will still be ME when I lose the weight (again) just easier to look at..LOL.

 I know that I can lose this weight and I will but it won't happen over night. I'm not going to wake up tomorrow and all this extra weight will be gone (damn). It will take a lot of work and determination to get to my goal. I'm not giving up just because it's Hard or I've had some setbacks. I need to follow my plan..the one I know that works for me. (Pep talk to myself).
My plan is 5 simple steps:
1. Journal/Motivation...
2. Exercise..need to burn more calories than I take in each day.
3. Eat healthy..Protein & carbs need to balance..there is no "forbidden" foods just "portion control".
4. Drink water
5. Have Fun

I know I've said all this before..and I'll keep repeating it until I have got it down pat.

Random Thoughts

I've come to the conclusion that I have too much "stuff" in my head...I can't seem to focus lately! Not sure if it's from all the "stuff" I read (my fav time thing to do) or if it's just  an age thing. Or maybe it's an accumulation of both..

 I have lots of things I think I'll blog about but when I sit down to type it all flies out of my head..or  I see that someone else has blogged about it and they say it so much better than I could ever . My blogs now seem incomplete to me...when I'm thinking about what I want to blog the words just seem to come to my mind but then when I sit in front of the computer to type it I can't think of the words anymore.

I've been checking out other blogs to get motivation (and it does) and I think I'm having "Blog Envy". It's not that I want to have the following that say FF&P has but I want to be able to put into words what I am feeling at the time.

Also I used to be funny! When I look back over my some of my first blogs on Me, Myself & I,  I actually laugh...where is that humor now? Was it because I was so happy with myself it just seemed to come out in my blogs? When did I get so serious? Finding Lady Sue should be fun..

I survived the hike!

It turned out a little different than I planned though.
I got to the park on time and met up with the group which consisted of the trip leader D, Sandra with her black dog,  2 first time hikers Ava (from Mexico) and Tanya (from France) three guys (one with a dog) and me. Sandra with the dog was probably the youngest of us all in her late 30's early 40's, as usual I was the oldest in the group.  We started out fine. I talked with D and one of the guys (who just happened to have the same name as my cuz Glen). After about a mile and half of keeping up a fairly fast pace I fell back to the end of the pack with Glen. I always feel more comfortable being the last one in the line, that way I don't slow anyone down.
 We were all spread out and the trail was pretty easy, not exactly flat but no big hills, I had my favorite walking stick that helps me keep the weight off my knees. Then I see Tanya take a fall in front of me. She is probably the next oldest in the group...maybe in her middle 50's. She is crying saying she twisted her foot and that she was dizzy and sick to her stomach.  Now we are in the middle of the hike on a small trail where no one can drive up and pick her up (which is what I think she wanted) so after we got her calmed down. Gave her some Gatorade and I gave her a mint to suck on (to settle her stomach). We got her up out of the trail and using my walking stick had her go to the side of the trail (funny thing is she didn't even limp).
After talking with D who has done this trail before, she and I decided it would be best if Tanya went back the way we had come to a service road that we had crossed which would take us back to the main road. I volunteered to go with her and Ava since I knew the service road and that way once we got to the main road Ava could go back to the parking spot and get her car (she & Tanya had come together) while I stayed with Tanya. The rest of the group would continue and finish the hike.
We took it slow going back and Tanya didn't seem to be having any problem walking. She did tell me that she was on Antibiotics and was wearing a long sleeve jacket so I figured the heat is what was making her dizzy and sick to her stomach. We got her back to the main road with out any trouble and loaded in the car after Ava went and got it. By this time it was 7:30pm and I decided after seeing them off that I would walk around the lake...my usual walk at this park since it would take me too long to catch up with the group. It was a nice night for a walk and by the time I got back to the parking the rest of the group was getting there. So all though I didn't get to hike that much at least I got in a good walk and I met some nice people.

I need Sleep!

I should have never blogged my worries here last night...all I did was dream about the hike tomorrow and it wasn't good..What with all the hiking I did in my dreams I didn't get hardly any rest during the night...now I'm dragging around this morning...Not Good! LOL!

I've been trying to get at least 6 to 7 hours of sleep at night..which is a lot compared to the 4 -5 hours of sleep that I'm used to..I still wake up several times during the night...almost always at 3 am...I don't know if it's because that's the time I got up for Larry the 23 years we were together so my internal clock is set to that or not.

From everything I've  read I do know (and agree) that a body needs sleep to rejuvenate itself. I guess that's where the 8 hour rule came in...I also  know that If I sleep more than 8 hours I feel headachey and draggy (is there such a word?) all day so I think the 6-7 is good for me.  Now if I could just figure out HOW to make my mind and body do it!

I know that I can't have anything to eat (especially sweets) for at least 3 hours before going to bed...something I'm still working on as this is when I really crave foods (especially sweets).

And I know that I need to clear my mind of any problems or worries I have before going to bed or I will end up tossing and turning all night...Surprisingly keeping my house clean has helped.   I actually feel good about my home because just doing little things each day (such as making my bed, picking up my clothes and doing the few dishes I have) has decluttered my mind. I never knew it was bothering me so much but since I've began not letting things go even for one day I feel so much lighter in my mind. It is a joy to wake up to my house each morning. I actually look forward to getting out of bed. I know it only takes me less than a half hour to do what I need to do so when I do come home after my work out at the gym in the evening I can relax and enjoy myself. Hmmmm...nice...which actually helps with my sleeping...

hmmm interesting how it all works out!

Hiking!

I've signed up for a hike Tuesday afternoon. It's suppose to be an easy D3 hike but the team leader mentioned in her description that since this is a fairly easy trail that the pace will be moderate to fast..Then I looked to see who signed up for the hike and it's all 40 year olds.  I know that I can do the hike but fast? Not sure about that..The reason I gave up hiking was not because I couldn't do it but because I'm so slow..That's me Slow & Steady..once I start I never stop to rest until I'm done..No matter what I'm going to do this hike but I can't help but worry! I remember hiking with people who couldn't do the hike and how it made everyone grumble..and I don't want to be the one that ruins the hike for everyone. I've been walking on the treadmill at the gym..which to me is harder than walking on the trail..at least the trail isn't so boring and hate having the mill move under my feet..at least on the trail it doesn't move..Well..I'm going to stop worrying and I'm just going to enjoy the hike. It's close to home..in fact it's at the park that I usually go walking at and I've been wanting to go off the main trail anyway..I'm not going to worry about my age because most of my friends are lots younger than me.

On the Positive Side...I'm feeling pretty good about myself. Haven't allowed myself any negative self talk for a while. :-) and tomorrow is Monday (my Friday because I'm off on Tuesday and Wednesday).

You are only as old as you feel!

I sometimes wonder if I'm the only 60 year old that is trying to get my life together. I've been checking out some other blogs..so far I've found some 40 & 50 year olds who seem to think they are "over the hill"..so what does that make me? DETERMINED! That's what!

I added http://fiftyfatandgrumpy.blogspot.com/ to my Blog list..so far she comes the closest to how I feel...except that I love the gym and she doesn't...

I've been told over and over that "you are only as old as you feel" ..Ok some days that's pretty darn old and other days I feel that I'm still in my 30's..I refuse to let my age define me.  Just because I'm 60 years old does not mean that my life is over. I will not sit on the couch and watch life go by. I still have so much that I haven't done in this life and I plan on doing it (or at least giving it a good try). I watched "Bucket List" the other day and am going to come up with my own List of things I would do if I won the" Lottery" ! (hey I bought 2 tickets tonight!) I'll get back to this later.

On the Positive Side...I went to the gym tonight and worked out in the free weight area for the first time since I've been back.I've been using the machines but I always liked the free weights better...Friday nights a good time to go because most of those "hunky" guys that work out are somewhere else (probably out with their fit and young girls..lol)..  I did have to drop my weights but I still did my old routine and it felt pretty damn good.  I even watched myself in the mirrors and only praised myself..I refused to think negative thoughts...I did do bench presses and I felt pretty good about myself when I left the gym in my sweat soaked clothes.
I have been  putting in at least 3 days a week and although I don't see a difference in my weight, I do see a difference in how I feel. I'm standing/sitting up straighter..holding in my tummy more with my chin up. I do know it all takes time and I have faith that IF I keep it up I will get to where I want..

I want more PLEASE!

I totally enjoyed talking with friends last night at the Social. As I was looking around at everyone I came to the realization what I have missed so much is the Positive energy these people give off..they are so happy to be doing what they love..being outdoors in nature hiking, kayaking and meeting others that are like minded.
The time I was hiking/backpacking with them was some of the best times in my life.  And I want more of those good times!

I also realized on my way home that I am the ONLY one that has been keeping me from enjoying life using my weight gain and money situation as an excuse. No one ever told me that I couldn't hike or do the things I like..No one in this group has ever complained about me..I was too busying doing that myself to understand that it was really just an EXCUSE not do the things I like...And I have been miserable for the past year because of this..Nothing was ever accomplished by sitting around and moaning/groaning about how things are..you have to put yourself out there and move..

I have had this good feeling for weeks now and I don't want it to end. I know that how I look at life and the choices I make are responsible for my well being. If I look at things in the negative way then I will be miserable. Even in the toughest times there is always something good to find. I've said those words many times in the past but I see now that I chose my main focus to be on the bad things not the good. I suppose this is human nature and I'm not sure how to keep it from happening again..because if I've learned anything in this lifetime it is that there will be hard times in my life. But for now I Want more Good Feelings PLEASE.  I know it is up to ME to get out there and find them..Not to let myself be complacent and stagnant. I have to push myself out of this box that I've gotten myself into and not only find Lady Sue but find what makes me happy.

So GOALS....
1. Keep working on getting fit so I can get back into the things I love like hiking/backpacking.
2. Keep myself from going into seclusion..Put myself out there with like minded friends.
3. Be my own best friend...no negative self talk!
4. Be proud of what I have accomplished!

Step 2. Fit the dress!

7.Wear comfortable clothes that you like, that express your personal style, and that feel good to your body. From 20 ways to love your body .
For so long now I've refused to buy bigger clothes...told myself that I would lose weight so I could wear the clothes I already have..but in the meantime I've been miserable...the clothes I have are too tight and I definately look FAT in them...I look in the mirror and give myself the negative talk because I hate how I look in them.. Step one for me was to clear out my closet of all the clothes that don't fit me anymore...which I wrote about here...  This was back in June (how time flies).

 For some reason since I gained the extra weight I've been buying ALL my clothes at WalMart...and absolutely refused to go to the Big womens sizes..so nothing was comfortable on me. I feel like most of the clothes I buy there do not say "this is me".. they were just something to wear..

So Step 2.. I've taken a good hard look at myself this past couple of weeks and decided to get my head out of my ass...and admit..I'M BIG!  I weigh over 200 pounds so of course I'm not going to fit into my size 12 & 14 clothes anymore..Even most of size 16 are tight on me...Even when I was in size 10 pants my tops were still Large..because I have heavy arms and large shoulders..this is who I am..doesn't mean that I can't look good..it just means that I don't have and never will have a model type body..

Now that I've gotten the new job and have a few extra dollars I've been buying a few clothes at Ross's Dress Barn...this was my all time favorite place to buy my skinny clothes at a great price. I can usually find tops that I feel fit my style..not old lady clothes or things teenagers wear.. I started out buying size 1X but even they are  tight on me so the last couple of blouse I bought are size 2X..I probably won't be able to wear them once I start losing the weight but they are comfortable (but not baggy) on me right now and I feel like I look good .

I got my hair cut today and went to Ross's and bought a couple of shirts (yes they are size 2X), I like the style and fit of both. I started to say that they looked better on the hanger than on me (more negative talk) but damn I feel good .  I even took pictures of myself with my cell phone..and you know I hate pictures of myself...( figure if I take enough pictures I will get to where I can actually like looking at them...lol).

I'm going to wear this tonight since I've gotten up the nerve to go to the AOC Monthly Social.. I haven't been for over a year because this is my Outdoors group and they are mostly all young and fit..but I love the energy these people have and find that I really miss them..I follow them all on Facebook but it's not the same...I'm making myself get out of seclusion and putting myself out there..

5 things that I love about myself!

This morning I've been spending time reading blogs for inspiration/motivation at operationbeautiful.com my new all time favorite place to be. I've been looking for blogs that relate to what I'm trying to do..finding myself..and in the process I'm finding a lot of good tools to have through others. When I get done reading I find that I feel lighter and happier. Finding happiness again...To me this is more important than actually losing the pounds right now. I'm still working on losing but I find that first I have to accept who and what I am...and to do that I need get rid of some bad habits  (like negative thinking) So instead of looking in the mirror and listing all the things I hate about my body, today I'm going to look inside of myself and find 5 things I love about myself.

1. I love that I am a Loving Mom, a Fun Grami, an Awesome Aunt and a Good Friend!

2. I love that I see beauty in so many things, such as a smile, trees/flowers, a bird in flight, clouds and the stars in the sky on a clear night.

3. I love that I am spontaneous!

4. I love my freckles (they make me unique).

5. I love my strength.

That wasn't so hard! I wonder how many more things I can find?

I also working on  20 ways to love your body

I'm off to have a beautiful day!

No More Negative Self Talk!

The other day my granddaughter Jessi said something that has gotten me thinking. I was telling her how beautiful she is when she said to me..."NO Grami I'm Ugly! You have to say I'm beautiful because you're my Grami. " and she truly believes it. She wasn't just saying it to get attention...she is only 7 years old and is already starting with the negative self talk. And where does she get it? I do it all the time...any time some one compliments me..I deny and find a negative thing to say..if someone says my hair is nice..I say it's a mess today.. I look in the mirror and tell myself that I look bad all the time..I notice my daughter (Jessi's Mom) does the same thing. Is this just a BAD habit? If so then I CAN and Will break myself of it...and thanks to http://operationbeautiful.com/ I now see that I'm not alone and there is help out there for me..I want to feel good about myself just how I am..I'm not waiting for the day that I have lost weight....
I love the post it note idea. I'm posting one on my mirror tonight. It's just hard for me to say that I'm Beautiful!!!..But maybe if I say enough I will eventually believe it...
Found this blog through operationbeautiful and it works for me..
http://www.healthforthewholeself.com/2010/08/be-your-own-best-friend/  great advise on how to become my own best friend..it's so true I wouldn't say any of the negative things I say to myself to my friends or to my daughter..From now on my best Friend is ME!

Tuesday!

Having my days off in the middle of the week is certainly different for me. It feels like Saturday but everyone I know is at work..hmmm. What can I do with myself today?

I used to be organized but as you can tell by the picture of my desk this morning,  things have gotten out of control and I keep putting off going through all the junk. Last time I cleaned my desk I just dumped everything in a box and put it out in the garage. I'm sure there is something in there that I should file away but since it's been a few months and I haven't needed it I guess it's no big deal..this has been my attitude about pretty much on everything in the last year. Out of site out of mind! But not anymore!

 So today I not only cleaned my desk up..I put everything where it belonged. I did find a couple of things that I had totally forgotten..A poem I wrote for a party we had back in August 1996 and note my neighbor had written to me a few months ago. I got a good laugh out of both of them...Maybe someday I will blog about them.

My desk now looks like this... which I can live with a whole lot better. I love my office but have dreaded cleaning my desk so I've put it off..just like I've been doing with a lot of things in my life. I guess it's a sign that I'm on my way to a better life.

I'm going to reward myself and go out and buy a book.
Later