Feeding the Ache!

I have this ache in my chest that I keep trying to feed..altho I know that will not help!

We have friends that are going through a bad time right now. Their son who has cancer is losing his fight for life. No matter how prepared I think I am for these things or how I try to distance myself..it still affects me.
My heart aches for this family so much.  I wish I could make it better for them but I know they will have to find their own way. Luckily they have some really good friends (my daughter is one of them) and support from their family..They are not alone.

Right this moment I am thinking about what I can find to eat to make this ache go away....or to just feel good for a minute. I've been where they are and know how hard it is! It brings back all the feelings and memories of the last days of my son Jason and my husband Larry. All those feelings I thought I've learned how to deal with. I know it's NOT all about ME..but that doesn't stop it!

Food has always been a comfort for me! Whenever I've needed it, it has been there! Although the feeling doesn't last at least it stops the pain for a bit. Instead I've come here to journal these feelings..I would go for a walk at the park but it is too hot out right now. I know I need to focus on dealing with these feeling I have and to learn that food is NOT my friend..it will not make everything all right! In fact if will only make me feel worse in the long run.

I did good on eating all day yesterday until I spoke with my daughter last night who told me that Tommy has taken a turn for the worse and not expected to make it to the week end. Then I started to eat....and eat..until I was sick. I beat myself up for giving into "old bad habits" and here I am today thinking about doing the same all over again..You would think that I would learn! Well maybe I have..just because I gave in last night doesn't mean that I will give up.  I will conquer this and learn by my mistakes!