I'm such a Procrastinator!

I actually wrote the last post last Friday and finally got around to posting it yesterday!!! 
I must have sat down at this computer at least every day and tried to write something but I never could complete a thought. I would type a sentence to only go back and delete it. So instead of keeping to my plan of blogging every day I would just go and read everyone else's blog and feel that I couldn't compete with all of the witty, motivating things that were said out there. So I did nothing!
yep..I'm good at doing Nothing...it's easy and I've had years of practice not following through with what I start..that's why I've lost major weight at least 3 times in my life to only gain it back..because I haven't figured out how to break myself of this habit of starting and not finishing. I am determined that this time I will get it figured out and this will be the LAST time I put myself through the pain and agony of trying to get myself back to where I want to be.

On the positive side..I will give myself a little break here because although I gave up taking pictures of what I eat (read on to find out why) and coming here to actually post a blog..I didn't give up going to the gym or working out..There were a couple of days that I struggled with myself about going to the gym but once I was there I felt a lot better..There were a couple of days (like last night) that I could have gone but decided to give myself a break (or rather my aching body) but I think I'm actually doing ok. I did sign up for a hike this coming Sunday morning and I'm excited about that.

(Moaning & Groaning) the reason I didn't go to the gym last night (although I know I won't be going for the next few days) is that I have been reminded (by my body) why I hate Lunges..I have aches and pains in my legs and ass...in muscles I forgot I had..I really pushed myself working out my lower body on Tues. night.

I'm off work for 4 days (starting today) and this is the first weekend I've had in a long time to do what ever! I Am excited about this but I'm still short on money (going on the hike is my one big treat since I have to pay for gas and parking at the park we're going to) so although I can't go out and do the things like shopping or painting my bedroom, there are still things around the house that I can do. My daughter & granddaughter are coming over on Saturday to help me wash windows (something that I've put off doing for years and boy do they need it..again signs of my procrastination). Hey I should get some exercise from this Right? Today I need to get in the spare room and clean it up. And there is the yard..I need to mow, it's a beautiful day out there and the exercise will be good...Through my (dirty)window here in the office I can see the leaves falling.

 I love Autumn but it does give me work in the yard to do (which I haven't done much of in the last few years). When Larry was alive I always kept our yard looking good...he would sit on the porch in his wheelchair and visit me while I worked and we both enjoyed being out doors. I miss the long rides in the car to see the colors of fall that we used to take. For some reason I'm missing Larry more this year than I have in a long time..that's been part of my problem the last week..trying to deal with the loneliness of being a single widow. Even when I'm with people I still feel something is missing..it's hard to deal with some times. I usually try to fill the hollowness with food or just escape into one of my books (which I've done this past week...the books not the food). I know that it will get better and although the hollow feeling never leaves I will be able to handle it better in time..I've done it before and I'll do it this time. But I'm telling you it isn't easy! So much easier to do nothing and wallowing in self pity...Not sure what set me off this time but I know if I don't find a way to learn how to deal with it then all I'm working toward is for nothing because I will go back into that "black hole" I find myself in and it's not a place I want to be in...Enough of that..

Pictures of food I eat...I still think the Idea of doing this is/was a good one..and it did work for me for awhile..but (and I'm being truthful here) I found myself "grazing "  (especially at work where there has been a lot of temptations lately) and not being honest about it...and this will only work IF I'm honest with myself..I'm not posting these pictures for anyone but myself and if I can't be honest then I'm only wasting the time it takes to do.  It did make me aware of what I was eating for meals. I will most likely go back to it as soon as I can figure out how to keep myself Honest!

Goals for this next week
Blog each day what I'm feeling and doing even if it's only a sentence or two.
Keep myself honest on what I'm eating. No more "mindless/grazing" eating.
Get out and work in the yard!
Clean the spare room!
Spend time with my family!
Enjoy myself hiking on Sunday!

More later