I AM good!

I don't know why I ever doubt myself or am afraid to admit how good I am at what I do!

I've spent the last week trying to show/train someone to take my place with Mike since I started my new job with Val on Sunday.  Yesterday and today I've been showing Rita (the 3rd person to apply for the job) what all needs to be done. Showing someone else has given me a view of ALL that I do...and it really is a lot..especially since I've started the new job where I don't have to do all that much but be there to make sure Val is safe in a nice clean environment.  Mike you have to do almost everything...from getting him out of bed the first thing in the morning, putting him on the potty ..to giving him a shower every night and getting him into bed. All this is done in a home that is not the cleanest..the woman is a hoarder and it has driven me crazy for the past year..but I've kept telling myself that it wasn't that bad..but after the 1st person walked off the job because of the smell and the 2nd person didn't come back the second day..and now Rita is asking me how I stand the mess (I don't think she will last long) I realize that there is NO reason why I should have put myself through what I did in the last year..Thank God I'm out of there after tomorrow!
If nothing else this experience has shown me that I am good! I can do anything I put my mind too...

And on the funny side!

Thanks to Joy of Six  blog "Body Snatchers" today I was reminded that Life is funny...I don't have to be serious all of the time..It felt so good to just laugh out loud..

#7. Come out of seclusion

from SparkPeople Top 10 Strategies for Success..Use these ideas to meet your goals- by Mike Kramer
Has anyone ever achieved anything of real value all alone?  Probably not many.  Most receive some form of help from other people.  Support, information, a sense of shared experience, encouragement, advice, and well-timed pep talk are all invaluable as you set off on your adventure.

For me this should be #1 and it is probably the hardest thing for me to do and to maintain.  Altho if you ask my family they will tell you that I'm always busy.  I've kept busy with my Thus friends, even gone skydiving with my AOC friends . ...but through all that I HAVE secluded a part of me from everything..

I have basically given up on alot of things that made me happy and confident about myself.. my outdoor/hiking group (I've gone from doing something every month to only 2 trips this past year)..using the excuse that I've gotten too old and slow to keep up with all those young people...this is more Malarkey...I had to give up my gym (due to money cutbacks) and have lost contact with some really good friends I made there (not all). I gave up my own blog (using the excuse that I was tired of hearing me moan & groan about how unfair life was being to me) and reading other blogs. I gave up my support group at eDiets..tried SparkPeople but told myself that there wasn't a group that I fit in with and I didn't need it.  I've had times in the past 3 years that I tried to come out of seclusion only to go back to hiding after a few days/weeks..Mostly I've found myself escaping by reading books and going on FB to play games (I can spend a whole day playing Mafia Wars) Why did I let myself get to this point?

As I look back I can see what I did to myself..trying to isolate myself so I wouldn't have to admit that I have a problem...And my problem is that I don't/didn't want to admit to myself that I failed in keeping this weight off..that by secluding myself I gave myself permission to go back to not caring about myself enough to take care of ME..
I need to keep telling myself that I'm NOT all about the Weight..that I am a Person of Worth no matter how I look on the outside...I know that I feel better about myself when I look good but going into seclusion wasn't all about how I looked..I lost confidence in myself..I started to convince myself that I couldn't do the things I enjoyed/wanted..I was/am still afraid of failing so it's so much easier not to try. It is so much easier to NOT come here and examine why I do the things I do.

So coming out of seclusion at step at a time for me means getting my confidence back and not being afraid of admitting that I can fail..but always about getting back into the game and doing my best..

I am so lucky that I DO Not have to do this alone..I have some really great friends and family who are all supportive WHEN I let them.  The tools I need are right here. All I have to do is reach out and use them

It's the little things in life

I am feeling so much more positive these days and it's all due to taking 1 step at a time. Mostly trying to get myself back to being me.  For longer than I want to admit to I've been really lazy about keeping my kitchen clean...letting the dishes stack up, not putting things away...using the EXCUSE that if my kitchen isn't clean then I won't go in there and make something I don't need to be eating...Truthfully that's a bunch of malarkey...I've just been lazy and it didn't stop me from eating junk.

I can't get my dishwasher to run so last week I broke down and bought a small drainboard and have been making it a habit to clean the kitchen each night before going to bed (doing the dishes by hand..hmmm who would of thought)..I give myself 10 minutes and sometimes it doesn't even take that long..there is only me and since I don't want a bunch of dishes to wash it keeps me from making things I don't need.  NO MORE EXCUSES.

 Also notice all the veggies on the counter...being a vegetarian you would think that I eat alot of fresh veggies...well altho I love veggies, for quite some time now I haven't wanted to take the time or the effort to eat them..been buying frozen (nothing wrong with that but fresh is so much better) or just eating LOTS of carbs...using the "EXCUSE" that fresh is too expensive..Yay summer!  My Daughter & SIL have a garden this year and they gave me yellow squash & tomatoes..which I've been snacking on the last couple of days..I love raw yellow squash..I slice it and use hummus as a dip...and Tomato sandwhiches are the best ever..specially with some spinach..Oh I know I still have a long way to go to get back to eating the way I need to but I feel so much better physically & mentally these days.

I've been reading motivational stuff here online and printing out a few articles I find helpful and even though
I haven't lost any weight, I know that I need to set some definite Positive goals SOON.  Goals that I can reach..I just keep putting it off because I don't want to fail. But I am working on it!
I figure I'll just take it slow but want to keep moving FORWARD..
All those little things I'm doing (cleaning my closet, kitchen, eating fresh veggies) will add up and one day I'll stop and looks and see that Lady Sue is there..

Step 2. Fit into that dress.

Step 2. Fit into that dress..(fromSparkPeople.. 9 Hidden Reasons to Stay Motivated )

It's been hanging up in your closet for 2 years now, just waiting to be thrown on for a night on the town. All it takes is for you to go that extra mile and stay on track. Before you know it, those 2 years will be acient history.

Before I get into this let me clarify some things.

I'm trying to get my life back to a place that I can focus on losing the weight and getting myself back into shape..but before I can get serious about that I need to do some cleaning up. 

 I LOVE MY HOUSE!!!

For the past year I've gotten so lazy about my surrounding and I find that this is all part of what I call my "depression". I've never been a "clean" nut but I do like things neat and tidy...a little dust never bothers me but I don't like clutter..Up to a year ago I always made my bed first thing in the morning..it only takes a couple of mins because I don't usually move around alot in the night. But if I'm being Truthful with myself (and I'm striving for that) I've let my house inside and outside go to pot. I've become so lazy that I'm ashamed if anyone would see my place...

Since I've started this blog I've been working on keeping my bedroom straightened up (at least once a week a good cleaning)..and I've been doing better..actually have been doing a little bit at a time on getting the whole house back to where I can be proud of it again..did I tell you I LOVE MY HOUSE!

Ok now back to step 2 for me.

My dresser and closet in my bedroom were stuffed with clothes that I can NOT  wear comfortably anymore..all mixed in with clothes I can..so I spend a part of my morning looking at al these clothes sometimes trying them on (even if I know they are going to be too tight) which only depresses me..Then I give myself the beating up for not getting myself together enough to lose the weight so I can wear them. There are so many tops that I absolutely love and remember how good it felt to wear them.  I've left them in my closet to give me Motivation but for me it only works the opposite..And truthfully for me the clutter in the closet bothers me...

SO this morning I cleaned out my closet and dresser of ALL things that don't fit me RIGHT now. And let me tell you there was a bunch..

These are the clothes out of my dresser and
my summer tops out of the closet.
The picture below is most of the hangers that
I took clothes off from...
Then theres the skirts, dresses, pants and
jackets that I will hang in the other closets

in the house..

I don't think I will have to do much shopping
when I DO lose this extra weight.

What I have left in my closet is not much but it is Motivaing me to get back into those clothes that I do love..I will leave most of them on the bed in the extra room and hang them back up in my closet when they fit me..

This is MY Step 2.

Working on changing my life

not just physically but mentally also. 

I've been doing a part time job for the past year that I felt that I had to stick it out although in many ways it was making me miserable.  I kept telling myself that I was Lucky to have the job. I did not believe in myself enough to really go out and find a better one. I've been living on a shoe string for the past 4 years and I'm scared to step out and take a chance on myself.  I talk big about how I want to improve myself and my situation but believing in myself enough to actually do it is another thing.

For the last month or so I've been looking on line at differant jobs...even applied for some but never heard back from them... I was looking at warehouse jobs, working at bookstores, any entry level job that I could find..but then one day while driving it came to me...obviously someone is trying to tell me something (god?).
My whole adult life has been about caregiving for special needs...First my son and then Larry...then when I was driving the school bus the part I enjoyed the most was when I did Community Skills with the special needs kids..in fact I want to be a special needs driver but you have to drive the regular bus for 3 years (I only made it 2 years)..and for the past year I have worked part time with Mike (who has CP and is mentally challenged). So why was I fighting it...I know I'm not certified but I am definatley experienced!

In the most part I liked working with Mike..I hate the hours (which is a split shift..working in the morning and going back at night) and the never knowing if his Grandmother (who has custody of him) will call me 10 mins before I am getting ready to leave the house to tell me they don't need me that day. (this has happened several times)..The most hours I could get is 30 but most of the times it runs from 20-26 hrs...and I only get paid for the hours I work..There are other things that really bother me about this job personally but I've dealt with them for the past year so feel that if I had to I could..but I really don't want to.

So anyway after preaching to myself here about believing in myself I found a site Care.com that helps find people to take care of special needs clients..It's free and has a lot of information on it..so I took the plunge and applied for the one that I know that I can be good at..the hours are good..I won't have weekends but I do get Tues & Weds off each week and it is full time...not part time..I went for an interview on Weds and was offered the job...I've accepted and gave notice at my part time job..so now I'm waiting for approval from the Medicaid Provider that will actually be paying me and then I will start anew again..

The job will be challenging because I will be taking care of a young woman who has Turner Syndrome (I had never heard of this before but I've gone on line and checked it out) and some other disablities but I believe in myself enough to say I CAN DO THIS...

More later...

Believing in Myself!

I've come to the conclusion that not only do I need to have confidence in myself to be able lose this weight but I have to get the rest of my life in order.

Sure I need to get back to exercising and eating. That's probably the easiest part about getting back on track...But as I sit here and look at my life I realize that when I was losing the weight before Life was good..I had a job I liked...money in the bank...I was doing things I enjoyed such as hiking/backpacking and hanging out with my friends of THUS...I still hang out with my friends but the rest of my life has changed.

I can pretty much pinpoint WHEN I let life beat me back down and I quit doing all the things that I know I need to be doing.  I can't go back and change it but I can look at where I am and What I want to change and figure out what I need to do to Find Lady Sue.

STEP #1 to Getting back on Track!

Ok so I've had a problem coming here and blogging like I promised myself I would do...wish I could figure out how I did it years ago when I was blogging "Me, Myself & I".  If I'm going to be truthful with myself (and I'm trying for that end result even if it hurts...LOL) then I will admit that I mostly blogged when I was at work..my job then was not real demanding and I had a lot of "down time"..and I was also on a "high" because I was feeling so good about myself and my progress with my weight loss. Each day was a "WOW" day for me...I was excited and happy with myself.  That's the person I want to be again. Well Maybe not quite the Same but I want that feeling back.

In trying to get Motivated I actually opened up a email from SparkPeople, which I joined some time ago but rarely go to anymore (I did for a while when I first joined but mostly just look at the recipes)..I found after I joined that most of the articles I felt like I already knew it all or that I didn't want to hear about other people's successs..but i didn't cancel my membership..you never know when you might actually want that motivation and support..like today..
Anyhoooo,... today I read 2 articles   www.sparkpeople.com/resource/motivation_articles.asp?id=196
9 Hidden Reasons to Stay Motivated
25 Ways to get Back on Track Today

Again Nothing New...but for some reason it was what I probably needed to read today.. I even printed them out because I can never remember exactly what I read unless I go over it again and again...
So anyhoooo...The first article is the one I want to look at seriously today..maybe I will take 1 reason a day and see how I can make it my own...
This is my way of getting back on track (I hope).

1. Confidence
    "How did it feel after that first jog around the block? Or when you finally walked the stairs at work without losing your breath?  The more you accomplish, the more you'll believe in yourself."

I hate it that I'm back to where I can't jog or even go up a flight of stairs without losing my breath or having my legs hurt so much. I do remember how good it felt that first time I ran a 5K (I even got a trophy for my age group). That's why one of my goals is to do another 5K.  Part of that feeling good about myself was Confidence that I could do anything that I set my mind too.  So where is that Confidence now?  What happened to me that I now say those words that I refused to say before "I CAN'T DO THIS"..

I find myself waiting for people to do things for me that before I would have just gone ahead and done it myself and never think a thing about it..Telling myself that I'm too out of shape or it's too hard for me to do it.(or even GOD Forbid too OLD).It's defintely all a mind set.

It's easy for the writer to tell you to get Confidence but he doesn't tell you HOW to get it back...I know that to my friends and family I am Confident (after all didn't I skydive last year) but inside I fear Failure..what if I can't do this or what if it is too hard. I need to go deep inside of me and find that Confidence in myself again so that I can Know that I can Find Lady Sue, that person who feels good about herself  whether she is at her "perfect" weight or not..

I need to get off my butt (and this computer) and go out and climb that flight of stairs until I can do it without losing my breath...I remember when I first started going to the gym back in 2003 I could hardly climb the 6 stairs up to the weight room in the gym...and so everyday I would make myself go up and down them as fast as I could until I could do it without losing my breath (it took a couple of weeks) and then I did it carrying weights...people in the gym looked at me like I was crazy but after a while they got used to me and applauded my efforts. This gave me the confidence to do other things...so maybe How I get my Confidence back is to do the things that I'm afraid of failing, and if I do fail them then try again until I can do it.

I think Step #1 to Getting Back on Track is to BELIEVE IN MYSELF!

It's a beautiful day

Feeling good here today...I went for my walk at the park, talked to some friends, came home to eat my oatmeal and talked with my Daughter on the phone...checked my emails & FB..and now I'm here!!!
Whooo hooo...
It's so nice outside I think I'll spend the rest of the morning on my back patio reading...who knows I might even pick up the rake and rake some of the back yard..then take a shower and go to work...
Sounds like a PLAN to me!

A day in my life...

I started out planning to come here and blog EVERY day no matter what...but I haven't been doing so well at it..I have composed a few blogs that I decided not to post because they were too Negative...alot of beating myself up because I'm not doing what I said I was on April 1st...and here it is 3 weeks later and I've still not got it under control...Who knew how hard this was going to be?  I did! That's why I've put off (which is the easier way) of trying to get control of my life and weight ...

It's so easy to come home in the morning after work and sit at the computer, go to FB and play MW...and before you know it..it's time to go to work for the evening...and I haven't done any of the things I promised myself that I would do..hmmmm...
I need to turn this around NOW...Instead of Beating myself up this week I'm going to look at what I have done right and what else I need to do..

Sure I have been walking at the park about 2-3 times a week..need to up this to everyday..
Eating has been better on the most part but still not where I need it to be IF I truly want to lose this weight..
I did lose about 5 pounds the first week but I found 4 of them back...
I went back to drinking Decaf Green Tea with honey instead of Black tea with sugar...my tummy is doing better thanks...but still not drinking enuff Water...

I've been soo cold lately..can't seem to warm up and I use this as an excuse not to do anything...I need to get motivated and move around some...get out one of my exercise tapes and work up a sweat..that should warm me up...
so off I go...
More Later

Rainy Day and Cravings!

It's been a rainy day today and I ended up staying at home after taking a couple of truck loads of stuff to the Great American Clean Up that Auburn was holding...got rid of some of the stuff I couldn't sell at my yard sale..
I also returned the exercise bike I was borrowing from my neighbor...for untold reasons I CAN NOT ride the bike...I know that a recumbent bike is ok but I can't sit on a straight up bike...which is kind of sad since some of my fav memories are of riding my bike early in the mornings a few years ago with my neighbor..I was hoping I could get back to that again..but have to face it...can't do it and will have to find another hobby that I can do to get exercise...for now I will be satisfied with walking at the park...or hiking!

All day I've been having cravings for sugar and chips...so I ate cantelope instead..but I still had the cravings...I kept going into the kitchen to see if I could find anything to eat that would satisfy me but there wasn't anything...I kept telling myself that FOOD is only Fuel. I spoke with my Daughter a couple of times and she helped me get through to a point...but I found that I couldn't settle down to do anything because I wanted those damn tortilla chips and sugar cookies....finally I broke down and went to WalMart but once I got there I decided to make healthier choices...I bought Pretzels & graham crackers...I also bought some fresh tomatoes and banana's...Came home fixed me a tomato/spinach sandwich, pretzels and a graham cracker for dessert...and I feel content now...
I really need to come up with a food plan...and stick to it..

Fuel for my body!

Yesterday I was remined by Dave, a friend who was on eDiets with me a couple of years ago, of something I believed then and have forgotten.

"Sue - I remember when we were all on eDiets and you telling us that you needed to remember that food is just FUEL FOR YOUR BODY. Nothing more: it can't make you happy or destressed...it's just fuel...just thought i'd give you a friendly reminder! :-D"

I've been stressing about what I eat and moaning about how I can't control my "comfort" eating and putting off writing anything about eating because I felt that I wasn't ready to look closely at my eating habits...which I know are "out of control". Sure I can eat "good" one day but find excuses the rest of the week for eating foods that I know are Not what I need to be eating.

This morning while walking at the park I got to thinking about "FUEL FOR MY BODY" and comparing it to my truck..Now my famous "Pink Truck" is a lot like me..she's getting older (I bought her new back in 1995) and she's had some hard wear & tear and isn't in the best of shape..but I love this truck..
Due to my money situation I've been putting the cheapest fuel I can find in her and haven't been changing oil or tires on her like I should...About a month ago she started to running bad...cutting out on me and having no power..and my friend Tommy the mechanic took a look at her and basically told me that I need to get a new vechicle because there was too much wrong with her..I don't have the money to even think about buying a new one and besides like I said "I LOVE MY TRUCK" and I'm not ready to give her up YET...My SIL put used tires on her and changed her oil for me and I decided that I would just drive her until she quit on me...
But I also decided to start putting the better  fuel back in her too...After a couple of weeks of using the better grade fuel I noticed that she quit "cutting out" out on me and has more power...Not as much as she had when she was new but much better...it is costing me more but it's definately worth it if I can keep my truck longer.

So I got to thinking about what "Fuel" I put in my body and expect it to run the way I want it too. I know that when I eat refined sugars, I get heartburn and end up coughing alot...but I've convinced myself that the candies/cookies and sugar in my tea taste sooo good and is so much cheaper that it's okay to eat them now and then (truthfully all the time).  I also know that my body doesn't function as good with the bread/pasta/potatoes that consist of most of my diet and I KNOW this has contributed to my weight gain. I also "cut out" (run out of energy) and have no power.  Although it's cheaper(?) to eat these foods I would feel so much better if instead of the candies/cookies I have a piece of fruit (which I happen to like also)...fresh steamed veggies work wonders for me instead of the bread/pasta/potatoes...oh I'm not saying I can NEVER have these things, it's just that like my truck I run better on the better grade "fuel".  There are times I still use the cheaper fuel in my truck but I only put enough in it until I can get the better grade fuel..I never fill up with it.  So I know that I will still have times when I eat the "wrong" thing but IF I can get back into my mind that this is FUEL for my body then hopefully I will be conservative with it and get right back to eating the better grade "Fuel"..That way I can see changes in my body and how I feel...
Thanks to my friend Dave for reminding me and helping me get back on the track.

Party and nothing to Wear!

I'm going to my Annual April Party on Saturday...and I don't have anything to wear!

 Everything I have in the closet either doesn't fit me anymore or is not party wear. So I decided to stop off at Ross's (my fav place to shop when I lost all the weight 4 yrs ago) to see if I could get inspired...I only gave myself a half hour but I did find a couple of things to try on..
The first dress I tried on was a long summer dress..I liked it on the rack but I thought it made my butt look too big (which it is!)...the second one ...the only reason I picked it was I thought I could wear it to a job also..but it was too  low in the front..Then I tried on a white skirt which I really liked but it was a little tight around the butt area (really need to work on that area) but decided that with my black blouse I have.. it might work..so I put the other two away and went to stand in line...of course the lady in front of me had a return and a price check..and I realized I didn't have time to wait so I put the skirt back on the rack and left to go to work...
The more I thought about the first dress.. the more I liked it..it was colorful (more party like than a white skirt and black top) and a good style for me...and I remembered I have this little short sleeve jacket that would go good with it (that would hide my big butt some). It really was comfortable and cute...so I stopped back between jobs (since it was on the way) to see if I could find it again and buy it...
Of Course it wasn't there anymore..and there wasn't any other like it on the rack...so I guess it wasn't meant to be..and all the reasons I don't want the white skirt are coming into mind..Like ME wearing white is not a good idea...for some reason White NEVER stays clean on me for more than a minute...I attract dirt or spills when I'm wearing white... and I'm always consious of the fact that white is so see-through altho this one had a bottom layer to it so it wouldn't be so bad...and do I go commando or go out and buy a pair of white panties to go with it...There were several of these skirts on the rack so I have no fear that I will get to the store and there won't be any..
My other option is to go to another Ross's (there are 3 in my area) and check to see if maybe the dress I really liked it there or Do I just go buy the white skirt and stop worrying about how I look?
More Later

Monday Morning Walk

I haven't been to the park for my walk since last Thursday.  I could give several excuses but the truth be told I could have gone even if it was in the evening...but I didn't.

I had trouble motivating myself to go this morning...I was in a VERY negative mood..thought of lots of reasons NOT to go...but I knew that once I got to the park and started walking that ALL would be good.

I got to my parking space (I always pick the same one by the playground and restroom) and sat in my truck listening to my radio show and trying to convince myself that I really wanted to get out and walk, Not turn around and go home.  Then I saw the "dark guy" that runs everyday...he does at least 4 turns around the lake and I figured he was on his first turn..he waved at me so I knew I had best get myself out and start walking..I have it figured how far I could get before I see him again..this time it would be just before I get to the "Big Bridge" about a mile...I'm still in a negative mood at this time and when I stopped to go the the bathroom before going..the restrooms were a mess (groundskeepers hadn't got there yet)...Now I ask you WHY do people trash restrooms? I decided not to use this one (it was that bad) and go to the one by the equestrian parking which is about a mile down the trail..As I started I saw one of the groundskeepers picking up all the trash from the past weekend...I do NOT understand why people leave their trash on the ground when there is trash containers through the park...it can't be that hard to carry it for a bit.  As I walk over the wooden bridge I start looking around and notice the sky is a beautiful blue..there is a fog lifting off from the lake and the birds are singing..I feel the stress and all the negative thoughts I'd been having lift and I rememebered why I love walking early in the morning...I got to the restroom and it was much better..not totally clean but good enough for me to go in...this one is NOT by the playground so I guess that goes to show that it must be "KIDS" that mess up public restrooms because surely Adults know better...
any way...As I get back on the trail I see the "lady with the 2 yellow labs"  (another regular) getting out her vehicle..she waves at me...I smile and wave back... There are only a few people who walk this early and most of them are regulars...as I get to the "big Bridge" the "dark Guy" goes by just like I thought...so I know I'm walking at a good pace.  I see my other "regualars", we say our good mornings...and I even stop after the "long Bridge" to talk with Mr. J & Mrs. A, a couple I've talked with before...I'm feeling pretty good by now...and wondering WHY I had such a hard time convincing myself to walk...
It's so much better to be in a Postitive mood than I negative mood...I'm going to work hard all day to stay that way...and then tomorrow I'll go back out there for another walk and dose of happiness.

Day after turning 60!

Trying real hard here not to be discouraged...Spent the day having a yard sale...I am the queen of Bad yard sales and today was no exception...Not going to do it EVER AGAIN...no matter what!

Worked in the yard for awhile but mostly sat on my butt the last 2 days..I really need to get to the park and walk..if nothing else but to clear my head.

Maybe tomorrow will be better and I can write something worth while..

Last day before turning 60!

In the past I've been known to ignore my b'day..like if I didn't acknowledge it I wouldn't get any older.I did this on my 50th...allowed no one to wish me Happy B'day or to even mention it...I think Lar and I probably went for a ride so I wouldn't have to take calls (he was never one for B'day's anyway).. For some reason I don't think my family is going to let me get away with it this year..I guess they figure 60 is a big deal.  I tend not to think about getting older. I really can't see myself  being old!
So what am I doing on my last day of being in my 50's? So far NOTHING! I got up and paid bills and have been reading a book and playing on the computer...I do have things I could do..like clean the house and finish getting ready for the yard sale tomorrow..The weather is cool today..suppose to rain..which would be nice cause it'll wash away some of the pollen. I just can't seem to get motivated today!

I think I should celebrate today not tomorrow after all I did make it through another decade...I suppose I should look back on the last decade to see what all I've accomplished..but I'm just not in the mood for that today..Maybe tomorrow!  I think I'll go have another cup of tea and read some more!

No energy today..

One of my goals is to come here and blog each day no matter what.
Today was Not one of my better days...but I've had worse. Nothing bad happened to me..no bad news..just didn't feel good...mostly allergies (I guess)..The pollen count was off the chart today..everything outside is covered in green pollen...I woke up with a stuffy head and decided against walking at the park...poor Morgan..it was our last day..I puttered around all day and didn't accomplish much until around 5ish then after taking a nap, I actually got myself outside and mowed the lawn...felt like I was covered with pollen..couldn't wait to take a shower.
I am sore all over and Still have no energy..hope tomorrow is better...

Sweating like a Fool.(or Sweating with the Oldie..LOL)

If sweating makes you lose weight then by this time next week I should have lost pounds...LOL!
I've been busy with walking the dog, cleaning out the garage & riding the exercise bike...in all of these things I have to change my clothes after because I'm drenched. Its unusually hot here in the south for April which doesn't help.
Morgan and I went for our walk this morning earlier so it wasn't so bad..yesterday we went later in the morning after I blogged and I was drenched by the time we got done. Today was nice and cool...less people and less dogs...much better..aiming for the same time tomorrow. Normally I walk pretty early on my way home after taking care of Mike so it's usually cool.

Worked hard yesterday on Garage..SIL (son-in-law) came over and helped me move the couch and freezer that I'm going to sell at the garage sale..he also got my lawn mower running so I can mow tomorrow. Trying to finish up with sorting out what I want to sell and what I want to keep/throw away..I think I have it pretty much figured out..I'm Having trouble getting motivated because it's so darn hot out there but all I really have to do is clean everything up and figure out where I want to put the stuff I'm going to keep..I can tell when I've been depressed because everything is NOT organized. I used to have a really Neat/Clean garage..could find anything I needed in the dark...Need to get back to that!

Exercising!!!! Yep..I've been getting alot of that this week. My legs and feet hurt! But it's a good hurt cause I know I'm doing what I need to do...Morgan has been a good motivator...she loves walking at the park and I hate to think of her just out in the back yard being bored...besides I love walking in the morning at my favorite park..
The Exercise Bike I borrowed and put in my bedroom...Sunday night I almost had myself talked out of riding it ..told myself I would start on Monday...but then I had 20 mins left to the program I was watching on tv (can't remember what it was now) and so I got on the bike and rode until the program was over...my legs were burning within the first 5 min and my butt was killing me but I stuck it out...seemed like the longest 20 mins I can remember... then last night same struggle with myself...too tired..my legs hurt..I wanted to take a shower because I was all dusty/dirty from working in the garage..but I didn't let myself give into those excuses and got on the bike and rode for 20 mins while watching Dancing with the Stars...Man did I sweat up a storm...and the shower after felt sooooo good...

I've got some errands to run so thinking to do it now during the hot part of the day and work on the garage tonight...
So more to Come

Real Life Steps In

My mind is so scattered today...Trying to get myself together!
Yesterday I got a call (that threw me into a funk) from the Grandmother of Mike (the boy I take care of ) to tell me that he will be with his Mother all week and that I don't need to come. This is not good news since I only get paid for when I work.
The nature of both of my part time jobs are dependent on me working them..and since my second part time job is driving a bus for an after school program I had already knew that I won't be working this week during Spring Break,  but I was ok with that because I'm taking care of Morgan and that pretty much covers me..
My main part time job (the one I get more hours from) is taking care of Mike (18 yrs old) who has Cerebral Palsy who lives with his Grandmother. I go over in the morning and get him out of bed, dressed and off to school.(and when he doesn't go to school I stay with him for an extra couple of hours a day), then go back in the evening to exercise & give him his shower and put him to bed (there's more I do but this is the basics). I knew from the past experience that there was a possiblity that he might go to his Mom's for a couple of days but was hoping that I would be able to work at least a few days this week...No such luck!
Like a lot of people in this day and age I live pay check to pay check..Part time jobs do not pay much so I've budget myself very tightly..have limited myself to only things I absolutely cannot live without (or so I tell myself).  I've had a couple of extra expenses in the last couple of months that have pretty well wiped me out.
I know that I have to get a "real" (full time) job before this summer...altho my hours with  Mike can go up to 30 hrs a week..this is not enuff for me to live on. So I've been making excuses about getting out there and finding that job...more on this later.
Any way...Yesterday after I get the call, the first thing I do is go into the kitchen to find comfort food. This is one of my main problems as why I've gained the weight back...I've let my emotions run the show for so long that it's second nature..Yes I admit I am an Emotional Eater!  Even if I think there is nothing in the house that I can eat, I will find something!!!! I didn't want to think about what this set back means to me...It's not like eating will make it go away, or even make me feel better..but because I knew that I would have to come here and blog (threat I made to myself) I didn't...instead I went outside and tried to get my lawn mower started (which it won't) and then raked part of my front yard until I could figure out what I CAN do about making some monies this week. 
I've decided to have a Garage Sale..next weekend...First off understand that I have NEVER had a successful Garage/Yard Sale so I hate them!  I don't go to them because I feel that I have enuff junk already..and why would I want something that someone else doesn't. So why would anyone else want my junk.....But I've decided to bite the bullet..this will be a good way to get my garage cleaned out (something that has been needed for awhile)..I've been decluttering my house for the past year and everything I dont' want or need has gone into the garage so it is quite the mess...So after my walk this morning (with Morgan at the park) I will start going through the junk.
My Daughter has already donated a table & chairs, and Lady J has offered me a wing back chair...I will sell the freezer (works but I don't buy anything I need to freeze anymore) which I have to clean up...This is my plan to keep from going into a depression (which I usually do when something like this happens) and just sit around and read books or play on the computer all week...
Now that my mind is working better...I'm off for my morning walk.
More to come later

Easter Morning and it's all about Exercise!

I'm taking care of my neighbors (Lady E) dog this week while she's in Florida.  Morgan (the dog) is my motivation for walking this weekend...We had a fun 3 mile walk yesterday morning at my favorite park. I even let her play in the water for a bit...then we sat on a hill and watched all the people until she dried off a bit..she did a lot of rolling in the grass and shaking...It was fun..I had planned on walking her around the neighborhood last night but got home from the "Daughter's"  and watched TV and came here and blogged instead. We'll be leaving for the park after I get done here. We went a little later yesterday and there were too many people with dogs for me..hopefully today being Easter there will be less...

I usually do ok on walking at the park in the morning on nice days during the week but weekends I find myself making excuses not to go. As I said this is my favorite park..it has a lake with a 3 mile trail around it..there are off trails but I enjoy the lake...a couple of good steep inclines and 2 restrooms situated in really good places (which is important when your my age lol)..

Next weekend I've got a date to walk with my BFF Lady M & (possibly) Lady D on Saturday so the only day I'll have to push myself is on Sunday.
Early this morning when I went to let Morgan out for a potty break I "borrowed" (which means I brought it to my house) Lady E's exercise bike (it was in her garage not being used...oh yeah, I cleared it with her first) and set it in my bedroom and tried it out for a couple of minutes...got a good leg burn but realized how much I've let myself get out of shape... I'm planning to get at least 20 mins (starting out) on it in the evenings..I do have a tv in there so that should give me extra exercise. The ultimate plan is to get where I feel comfortable to ride a "real" bike again..I have some friends in my THUS group who bought bikes last summer and talked about doing bike rides but I felt that I wouldn't be able to keep up with them..so now I'll be on the look out for a good used bike.  I do have one in the garage that my #1 niece gave me but it is pretty rusted and needs new tires...since I don't know the first thing about fixing bikes it has set there since last summer...easier (if I can afford it) to buy another one that is all ready to ride..

I figure I need (starting out) at least 1 1/2 hrs a day of exercise to burn the calories.which I should be able to do with walking and riding the bike but in case that isn't enough..I've also dug out my old vcr exercise tapes..3 Billy Blanks TaeBo , Pilates for Dummies,  Bellydance (this one put me to sleep before the girls voice is soooo monentous), and Richard Simmons Sweating to the Oldies.  I do not have a DVD player so will be on the lookout for more VCR tapes...there has to be someone out there that wants to get rid of them..I really would like to find one for Beginner's Yoga,  or something with meditation...I also have Bill Phillips Body for Life tapes (I still like his old program) and eDiets Dr. Skare motivation cd's (I use to listen to these in my sleep at night..maybe this time I'll listen to them while I'm awake LOL).
 Then there is mowing the lawn and taking care of the yard...I figure IF I ever get my lawn mower running then I will count this as exercise too..maybe I'll have the yard that I used too have again...the last few years it's looked pretty pitiful...

Ok got my laundry in the dryer and it's time for me to go take Morgan for that promised walk..
More to come later...
Happy Easter to All...

1 PM...back from our walk...dog is tired and I'm all sweaty but had a great walk. Yesterday Morgan was still full of energy when we got back so today we did a little running/jogging and I think I really wore her out...I know I'm ready for a rest.  Beautiful warm day out there..not too many people but did watch a family hunt for Easter Eggs while we sat on the same hill as yesterday cooling down after our walk.  Love this weather!