I just got back from my morning walk with my neighbors dog. It's a beautiful day out and I love walking. I even ran (a little) down a couple of hills with her.
I've been busy this last week getting my house ready for my party that I had on Friday night so I haven't gotten to "my plan" of going to the gym and the park but I have been taking Morgan (neighbor's dog) on short walks around the neighborhood. I'm watching her until Monday night so at least that gives me the motivation to get out a little.
I have a long way to go to get ready for the 5k in 3 weeks if I'm going to run..I'll be all right to walk it...I do that (3 miles) at the park with no problem..but I really want to get my time down to at least 30 minutes and to do that I will have to run part of the way.
My lower back has been bothering me a lot lately and I know it's because of the extra weight I'm carrying..also my knees are feeling it and the only way it's going to get better is if I take off weight. I really hate the "aches & pains" that goes along with being over weight and I really NEED to get myself back to where I feel good again. I'm not going to say I need to "lose" it because then there's a chance I might "find" it again..Of course this is what I said the last time I took off the weight and I still put it back on. This time I really need to find the "magic" way of keeping off what I take off. Funny thing about "aches & pains" when I feel them from working out it's like a badge of honor..I know I'm doing good.
I know with hard work and motivation I can take off the weight and get back in better shape but truthfully I'm worried that I will do all this and then to only gain it back again. That's what has happened to me 2 times already in the past 10 years. I feel that at 60 years old I'm running out time to keep playing this "losing game"
so now I'm on the search for that "Magic" way that has worked for others who took off the weight and kept it off...I'm pretty sure it's through "HARD" work..there is never an easy way..dang!.
Weight loss goal
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Goal # 3..There's no turning back now!
So I've been busy with my first 2 goals ...Believing in myself and Being my own Best Friend..I decided today that it's time to move on to the next goal..
5 years ago when this picture was taken I came in second place for my age group (and got the plaque to show for it..LOL) at this race I look happy don't I? I was in pretty good shape because I had worked hard for 2 years and was close to my weight goal. I had lost over 60 pounds.
I know for this race I will have to work extra hard to get myself ready. This will be the third time I've done this race course..it's a nice course..not too strenuous or too hilly so I figure it's a good one to start off with (again). I'm excited about it. It's the motivation I need to get myself going. No more Excuses!
I'll tell you the truth..I have the jittery stomach thinking about putting myself out there again. I know I can do this. I need to get myself out of the "comfort zone" at the gym and start pushing myself more.
SO the Plan (I seem to love plans today) is to start running intervals on the treadmill at the gym in the evenings after work at least 3 times a week. I need to get up earlier in the morning (truthfully I've been staying up till 12- 1 in the morning and then staying in bed until 8 am) and take a walk/jog around the neighborhood..it's got some great hills at least 2 days a week (if not more). On my days off I need to get my butt to my favorite park (which is where I trained for 5k & 10k's before) whether it's in the morning or the evening..I've done this in the past and I can do it again.
I have my support team behind me...I 've just talked with my daughter and she and the grandkids are coming to cheer me on. I also posted on facebook so I know that all my friends will be supporting me.
I have the KNOWLEDGE all I have to do is put it into ACTION!
And since today is my day off I will finish cleaning my house and then go to the park..I HAVE A GOAL!
Goal # 3 is to do a 5k (run or walk)
I've just signed up (and paid) on line for the Duluth Fall Festival 5k race on Sept 26th. And since there is no refund, I have one month to get myself ready.
I've just signed up (and paid) on line for the Duluth Fall Festival 5k race on Sept 26th. And since there is no refund, I have one month to get myself ready.
5 years ago when this picture was taken I came in second place for my age group (and got the plaque to show for it..LOL) at this race I look happy don't I? I was in pretty good shape because I had worked hard for 2 years and was close to my weight goal. I had lost over 60 pounds.I would love to have this success again (in the race and the weight loss).
I'll tell you the truth..I have the jittery stomach thinking about putting myself out there again. I know I can do this. I need to get myself out of the "comfort zone" at the gym and start pushing myself more.
SO the Plan (I seem to love plans today) is to start running intervals on the treadmill at the gym in the evenings after work at least 3 times a week. I need to get up earlier in the morning (truthfully I've been staying up till 12- 1 in the morning and then staying in bed until 8 am) and take a walk/jog around the neighborhood..it's got some great hills at least 2 days a week (if not more). On my days off I need to get my butt to my favorite park (which is where I trained for 5k & 10k's before) whether it's in the morning or the evening..I've done this in the past and I can do it again.
I have my support team behind me...I 've just talked with my daughter and she and the grandkids are coming to cheer me on. I also posted on facebook so I know that all my friends will be supporting me.
I have the KNOWLEDGE all I have to do is put it into ACTION!
And since today is my day off I will finish cleaning my house and then go to the park..I HAVE A GOAL!
Learning to accept myself as I am right now and loving it
Does not mean that I don't want to lose this extra 50 pounds I'm carrying around..it means that I refuse to moan and groan about how I look right now. I'm finding that I am more than what I see in the mirror and I really like who I am..My weight does not define who I am. I CAN still be happy and love life. I will still be ME when I lose the weight (again) just easier to look at..LOL.
I know that I can lose this weight and I will but it won't happen over night. I'm not going to wake up tomorrow and all this extra weight will be gone (damn). It will take a lot of work and determination to get to my goal. I'm not giving up just because it's Hard or I've had some setbacks. I need to follow my plan..the one I know that works for me. (Pep talk to myself).
My plan is 5 simple steps:
1. Journal/Motivation...
2. Exercise..need to burn more calories than I take in each day.
3. Eat healthy..Protein & carbs need to balance..there is no "forbidden" foods just "portion control".
4. Drink water
5. Have Fun
I know I've said all this before..and I'll keep repeating it until I have got it down pat.
I know that I can lose this weight and I will but it won't happen over night. I'm not going to wake up tomorrow and all this extra weight will be gone (damn). It will take a lot of work and determination to get to my goal. I'm not giving up just because it's Hard or I've had some setbacks. I need to follow my plan..the one I know that works for me. (Pep talk to myself).
My plan is 5 simple steps:
1. Journal/Motivation...
2. Exercise..need to burn more calories than I take in each day.
3. Eat healthy..Protein & carbs need to balance..there is no "forbidden" foods just "portion control".
4. Drink water
5. Have Fun
I know I've said all this before..and I'll keep repeating it until I have got it down pat.
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Random Thoughts
I've come to the conclusion that I have too much "stuff" in my head...I can't seem to focus lately! Not sure if it's from all the "stuff" I read (my fav time thing to do) or if it's just an age thing. Or maybe it's an accumulation of both..
I have lots of things I think I'll blog about but when I sit down to type it all flies out of my head..or I see that someone else has blogged about it and they say it so much better than I could ever . My blogs now seem incomplete to me...when I'm thinking about what I want to blog the words just seem to come to my mind but then when I sit in front of the computer to type it I can't think of the words anymore.
I've been checking out other blogs to get motivation (and it does) and I think I'm having "Blog Envy". It's not that I want to have the following that say FF&P has but I want to be able to put into words what I am feeling at the time.
Also I used to be funny! When I look back over my some of my first blogs on Me, Myself & I, I actually laugh...where is that humor now? Was it because I was so happy with myself it just seemed to come out in my blogs? When did I get so serious? Finding Lady Sue should be fun..
I have lots of things I think I'll blog about but when I sit down to type it all flies out of my head..or I see that someone else has blogged about it and they say it so much better than I could ever . My blogs now seem incomplete to me...when I'm thinking about what I want to blog the words just seem to come to my mind but then when I sit in front of the computer to type it I can't think of the words anymore.
I've been checking out other blogs to get motivation (and it does) and I think I'm having "Blog Envy". It's not that I want to have the following that say FF&P has but I want to be able to put into words what I am feeling at the time.
Also I used to be funny! When I look back over my some of my first blogs on Me, Myself & I, I actually laugh...where is that humor now? Was it because I was so happy with myself it just seemed to come out in my blogs? When did I get so serious? Finding Lady Sue should be fun..
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
I survived the hike!
It turned out a little different than I planned though.
I got to the park on time and met up with the group which consisted of the trip leader D, Sandra with her black dog, 2 first time hikers Ava (from Mexico) and Tanya (from France) three guys (one with a dog) and me. Sandra with the dog was probably the youngest of us all in her late 30's early 40's, as usual I was the oldest in the group. We started out fine. I talked with D and one of the guys (who just happened to have the same name as my cuz Glen). After about a mile and half of keeping up a fairly fast pace I fell back to the end of the pack with Glen. I always feel more comfortable being the last one in the line, that way I don't slow anyone down.
We were all spread out and the trail was pretty easy, not exactly flat but no big hills, I had my favorite walking stick that helps me keep the weight off my knees. Then I see Tanya take a fall in front of me. She is probably the next oldest in the group...maybe in her middle 50's. She is crying saying she twisted her foot and that she was dizzy and sick to her stomach. Now we are in the middle of the hike on a small trail where no one can drive up and pick her up (which is what I think she wanted) so after we got her calmed down. Gave her some Gatorade and I gave her a mint to suck on (to settle her stomach). We got her up out of the trail and using my walking stick had her go to the side of the trail (funny thing is she didn't even limp).
After talking with D who has done this trail before, she and I decided it would be best if Tanya went back the way we had come to a service road that we had crossed which would take us back to the main road. I volunteered to go with her and Ava since I knew the service road and that way once we got to the main road Ava could go back to the parking spot and get her car (she & Tanya had come together) while I stayed with Tanya. The rest of the group would continue and finish the hike.
We took it slow going back and Tanya didn't seem to be having any problem walking. She did tell me that she was on Antibiotics and was wearing a long sleeve jacket so I figured the heat is what was making her dizzy and sick to her stomach. We got her back to the main road with out any trouble and loaded in the car after Ava went and got it. By this time it was 7:30pm and I decided after seeing them off that I would walk around the lake...my usual walk at this park since it would take me too long to catch up with the group. It was a nice night for a walk and by the time I got back to the parking the rest of the group was getting there. So all though I didn't get to hike that much at least I got in a good walk and I met some nice people.
I got to the park on time and met up with the group which consisted of the trip leader D, Sandra with her black dog, 2 first time hikers Ava (from Mexico) and Tanya (from France) three guys (one with a dog) and me. Sandra with the dog was probably the youngest of us all in her late 30's early 40's, as usual I was the oldest in the group. We started out fine. I talked with D and one of the guys (who just happened to have the same name as my cuz Glen). After about a mile and half of keeping up a fairly fast pace I fell back to the end of the pack with Glen. I always feel more comfortable being the last one in the line, that way I don't slow anyone down.
We were all spread out and the trail was pretty easy, not exactly flat but no big hills, I had my favorite walking stick that helps me keep the weight off my knees. Then I see Tanya take a fall in front of me. She is probably the next oldest in the group...maybe in her middle 50's. She is crying saying she twisted her foot and that she was dizzy and sick to her stomach. Now we are in the middle of the hike on a small trail where no one can drive up and pick her up (which is what I think she wanted) so after we got her calmed down. Gave her some Gatorade and I gave her a mint to suck on (to settle her stomach). We got her up out of the trail and using my walking stick had her go to the side of the trail (funny thing is she didn't even limp).
After talking with D who has done this trail before, she and I decided it would be best if Tanya went back the way we had come to a service road that we had crossed which would take us back to the main road. I volunteered to go with her and Ava since I knew the service road and that way once we got to the main road Ava could go back to the parking spot and get her car (she & Tanya had come together) while I stayed with Tanya. The rest of the group would continue and finish the hike.
We took it slow going back and Tanya didn't seem to be having any problem walking. She did tell me that she was on Antibiotics and was wearing a long sleeve jacket so I figured the heat is what was making her dizzy and sick to her stomach. We got her back to the main road with out any trouble and loaded in the car after Ava went and got it. By this time it was 7:30pm and I decided after seeing them off that I would walk around the lake...my usual walk at this park since it would take me too long to catch up with the group. It was a nice night for a walk and by the time I got back to the parking the rest of the group was getting there. So all though I didn't get to hike that much at least I got in a good walk and I met some nice people.
Monday, August 23, 2010
I need Sleep!
I should have never blogged my worries here last night...all I did was dream about the hike tomorrow and it wasn't good..What with all the hiking I did in my dreams I didn't get hardly any rest during the night...now I'm dragging around this morning...Not Good! LOL!
I've been trying to get at least 6 to 7 hours of sleep at night..which is a lot compared to the 4 -5 hours of sleep that I'm used to..I still wake up several times during the night...almost always at 3 am...I don't know if it's because that's the time I got up for Larry the 23 years we were together so my internal clock is set to that or not.
From everything I've read I do know (and agree) that a body needs sleep to rejuvenate itself. I guess that's where the 8 hour rule came in...I also know that If I sleep more than 8 hours I feel headachey and draggy (is there such a word?) all day so I think the 6-7 is good for me. Now if I could just figure out HOW to make my mind and body do it!
I know that I can't have anything to eat (especially sweets) for at least 3 hours before going to bed...something I'm still working on as this is when I really crave foods (especially sweets).
And I know that I need to clear my mind of any problems or worries I have before going to bed or I will end up tossing and turning all night...Surprisingly keeping my house clean has helped. I actually feel good about my home because just doing little things each day (such as making my bed, picking up my clothes and doing the few dishes I have) has decluttered my mind. I never knew it was bothering me so much but since I've began not letting things go even for one day I feel so much lighter in my mind. It is a joy to wake up to my house each morning. I actually look forward to getting out of bed. I know it only takes me less than a half hour to do what I need to do so when I do come home after my work out at the gym in the evening I can relax and enjoy myself. Hmmmm...nice...which actually helps with my sleeping...
hmmm interesting how it all works out!
I've been trying to get at least 6 to 7 hours of sleep at night..which is a lot compared to the 4 -5 hours of sleep that I'm used to..I still wake up several times during the night...almost always at 3 am...I don't know if it's because that's the time I got up for Larry the 23 years we were together so my internal clock is set to that or not.
From everything I've read I do know (and agree) that a body needs sleep to rejuvenate itself. I guess that's where the 8 hour rule came in...I also know that If I sleep more than 8 hours I feel headachey and draggy (is there such a word?) all day so I think the 6-7 is good for me. Now if I could just figure out HOW to make my mind and body do it!
I know that I can't have anything to eat (especially sweets) for at least 3 hours before going to bed...something I'm still working on as this is when I really crave foods (especially sweets).
And I know that I need to clear my mind of any problems or worries I have before going to bed or I will end up tossing and turning all night...Surprisingly keeping my house clean has helped. I actually feel good about my home because just doing little things each day (such as making my bed, picking up my clothes and doing the few dishes I have) has decluttered my mind. I never knew it was bothering me so much but since I've began not letting things go even for one day I feel so much lighter in my mind. It is a joy to wake up to my house each morning. I actually look forward to getting out of bed. I know it only takes me less than a half hour to do what I need to do so when I do come home after my work out at the gym in the evening I can relax and enjoy myself. Hmmmm...nice...which actually helps with my sleeping...
hmmm interesting how it all works out!
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Hiking!
I've signed up for a hike Tuesday afternoon. It's suppose to be an easy D3 hike but the team leader mentioned in her description that since this is a fairly easy trail that the pace will be moderate to fast..Then I looked to see who signed up for the hike and it's all 40 year olds. I know that I can do the hike but fast? Not sure about that..The reason I gave up hiking was not because I couldn't do it but because I'm so slow..That's me Slow & Steady..once I start I never stop to rest until I'm done..No matter what I'm going to do this hike but I can't help but worry! I remember hiking with people who couldn't do the hike and how it made everyone grumble..and I don't want to be the one that ruins the hike for everyone. I've been walking on the treadmill at the gym..which to me is harder than walking on the trail..at least the trail isn't so boring and hate having the mill move under my feet..at least on the trail it doesn't move..Well..I'm going to stop worrying and I'm just going to enjoy the hike. It's close to home..in fact it's at the park that I usually go walking at and I've been wanting to go off the main trail anyway..I'm not going to worry about my age because most of my friends are lots younger than me.
On the Positive Side...I'm feeling pretty good about myself. Haven't allowed myself any negative self talk for a while. :-) and tomorrow is Monday (my Friday because I'm off on Tuesday and Wednesday).
On the Positive Side...I'm feeling pretty good about myself. Haven't allowed myself any negative self talk for a while. :-) and tomorrow is Monday (my Friday because I'm off on Tuesday and Wednesday).
Friday, August 20, 2010
You are only as old as you feel!
I sometimes wonder if I'm the only 60 year old that is trying to get my life together. I've been checking out some other blogs..so far I've found some 40 & 50 year olds who seem to think they are "over the hill"..so what does that make me? DETERMINED! That's what!
I added http://fiftyfatandgrumpy.blogspot.com/ to my Blog list..so far she comes the closest to how I feel...except that I love the gym and she doesn't...
I've been told over and over that "you are only as old as you feel" ..Ok some days that's pretty darn old and other days I feel that I'm still in my 30's..I refuse to let my age define me. Just because I'm 60 years old does not mean that my life is over. I will not sit on the couch and watch life go by. I still have so much that I haven't done in this life and I plan on doing it (or at least giving it a good try). I watched "Bucket List" the other day and am going to come up with my own List of things I would do if I won the" Lottery" ! (hey I bought 2 tickets tonight!) I'll get back to this later.
On the Positive Side...I went to the gym tonight and worked out in the free weight area for the first time since I've been back.I've been using the machines but I always liked the free weights better...Friday nights a good time to go because most of those "hunky" guys that work out are somewhere else (probably out with their fit and young girls..lol).. I did have to drop my weights but I still did my old routine and it felt pretty damn good. I even watched myself in the mirrors and only praised myself..I refused to think negative thoughts...I did do bench presses and I felt pretty good about myself when I left the gym in my sweat soaked clothes.
I have been putting in at least 3 days a week and although I don't see a difference in my weight, I do see a difference in how I feel. I'm standing/sitting up straighter..holding in my tummy more with my chin up. I do know it all takes time and I have faith that IF I keep it up I will get to where I want..
I added http://fiftyfatandgrumpy.blogspot.com/ to my Blog list..so far she comes the closest to how I feel...except that I love the gym and she doesn't...
I've been told over and over that "you are only as old as you feel" ..Ok some days that's pretty darn old and other days I feel that I'm still in my 30's..I refuse to let my age define me. Just because I'm 60 years old does not mean that my life is over. I will not sit on the couch and watch life go by. I still have so much that I haven't done in this life and I plan on doing it (or at least giving it a good try). I watched "Bucket List" the other day and am going to come up with my own List of things I would do if I won the" Lottery" ! (hey I bought 2 tickets tonight!) I'll get back to this later.
On the Positive Side...I went to the gym tonight and worked out in the free weight area for the first time since I've been back.I've been using the machines but I always liked the free weights better...Friday nights a good time to go because most of those "hunky" guys that work out are somewhere else (probably out with their fit and young girls..lol).. I did have to drop my weights but I still did my old routine and it felt pretty damn good. I even watched myself in the mirrors and only praised myself..I refused to think negative thoughts...I did do bench presses and I felt pretty good about myself when I left the gym in my sweat soaked clothes.
I have been putting in at least 3 days a week and although I don't see a difference in my weight, I do see a difference in how I feel. I'm standing/sitting up straighter..holding in my tummy more with my chin up. I do know it all takes time and I have faith that IF I keep it up I will get to where I want..
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
I want more PLEASE!
I totally enjoyed talking with friends last night at the Social. As I was looking around at everyone I came to the realization what I have missed so much is the Positive energy these people give off..they are so happy to be doing what they love..being outdoors in nature hiking, kayaking and meeting others that are like minded.
The time I was hiking/backpacking with them was some of the best times in my life. And I want more of those good times!
I also realized on my way home that I am the ONLY one that has been keeping me from enjoying life using my weight gain and money situation as an excuse. No one ever told me that I couldn't hike or do the things I like..No one in this group has ever complained about me..I was too busying doing that myself to understand that it was really just an EXCUSE not do the things I like...And I have been miserable for the past year because of this..Nothing was ever accomplished by sitting around and moaning/groaning about how things are..you have to put yourself out there and move..
I have had this good feeling for weeks now and I don't want it to end. I know that how I look at life and the choices I make are responsible for my well being. If I look at things in the negative way then I will be miserable. Even in the toughest times there is always something good to find. I've said those words many times in the past but I see now that I chose my main focus to be on the bad things not the good. I suppose this is human nature and I'm not sure how to keep it from happening again..because if I've learned anything in this lifetime it is that there will be hard times in my life. But for now I Want more Good Feelings PLEASE. I know it is up to ME to get out there and find them..Not to let myself be complacent and stagnant. I have to push myself out of this box that I've gotten myself into and not only find Lady Sue but find what makes me happy.
So GOALS....
1. Keep working on getting fit so I can get back into the things I love like hiking/backpacking.
2. Keep myself from going into seclusion..Put myself out there with like minded friends.
3. Be my own best friend...no negative self talk!
4. Be proud of what I have accomplished!
The time I was hiking/backpacking with them was some of the best times in my life. And I want more of those good times!
I also realized on my way home that I am the ONLY one that has been keeping me from enjoying life using my weight gain and money situation as an excuse. No one ever told me that I couldn't hike or do the things I like..No one in this group has ever complained about me..I was too busying doing that myself to understand that it was really just an EXCUSE not do the things I like...And I have been miserable for the past year because of this..Nothing was ever accomplished by sitting around and moaning/groaning about how things are..you have to put yourself out there and move..
I have had this good feeling for weeks now and I don't want it to end. I know that how I look at life and the choices I make are responsible for my well being. If I look at things in the negative way then I will be miserable. Even in the toughest times there is always something good to find. I've said those words many times in the past but I see now that I chose my main focus to be on the bad things not the good. I suppose this is human nature and I'm not sure how to keep it from happening again..because if I've learned anything in this lifetime it is that there will be hard times in my life. But for now I Want more Good Feelings PLEASE. I know it is up to ME to get out there and find them..Not to let myself be complacent and stagnant. I have to push myself out of this box that I've gotten myself into and not only find Lady Sue but find what makes me happy.
So GOALS....
1. Keep working on getting fit so I can get back into the things I love like hiking/backpacking.
2. Keep myself from going into seclusion..Put myself out there with like minded friends.
3. Be my own best friend...no negative self talk!
4. Be proud of what I have accomplished!
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Step 2. Fit the dress!
7.Wear comfortable clothes that you like, that express your personal style, and that feel good to your body. From 20 ways to love your body .
For so long now I've refused to buy bigger clothes...told myself that I would lose weight so I could wear the clothes I already have..but in the meantime I've been miserable...the clothes I have are too tight and I definately look FAT in them...I look in the mirror and give myself the negative talk because I hate how I look in them.. Step one for me was to clear out my closet of all the clothes that don't fit me anymore...which I wrote about here... This was back in June (how time flies).
For some reason since I gained the extra weight I've been buying ALL my clothes at WalMart...and absolutely refused to go to the Big womens sizes..so nothing was comfortable on me. I feel like most of the clothes I buy there do not say "this is me".. they were just something to wear..
So Step 2.. I've taken a good hard look at myself this past couple of weeks and decided to get my head out of my ass...and admit..I'M BIG! I weigh over 200 pounds so of course I'm not going to fit into my size 12 & 14 clothes anymore..Even most of size 16 are tight on me...Even when I was in size 10 pants my tops were still Large..because I have heavy arms and large shoulders..this is who I am..doesn't mean that I can't look good..it just means that I don't have and never will have a model type body..
Now that I've gotten the new job and have a few extra dollars I've been buying a few clothes at Ross's Dress Barn...this was my all time favorite place to buy my skinny clothes at a great price. I can usually find tops that I feel fit my style..not old lady clothes or things teenagers wear.. I started out buying size 1X but even they are tight on me so the last couple of blouse I bought are size 2X..I probably won't be able to wear them once I start losing the weight but they are comfortable (but not baggy) on me right now and I feel like I look good .
I got my hair cut today and went to Ross's and bought a couple of shirts (yes they are size 2X), I like the style and fit of both. I started to say that they looked better on the hanger than on me (more negative talk) but damn I feel good . I even took pictures of myself with my cell phone..and you know I hate pictures of myself...( figure if I take enough pictures I will get to where I can actually like looking at them...lol).
I'm going to wear this tonight since I've gotten up the nerve to go to the AOC Monthly Social.. I haven't been for over a year because this is my Outdoors group and they are mostly all young and fit..but I love the energy these people have and find that I really miss them..I follow them all on Facebook but it's not the same...I'm making myself get out of seclusion and putting myself out there..
For so long now I've refused to buy bigger clothes...told myself that I would lose weight so I could wear the clothes I already have..but in the meantime I've been miserable...the clothes I have are too tight and I definately look FAT in them...I look in the mirror and give myself the negative talk because I hate how I look in them.. Step one for me was to clear out my closet of all the clothes that don't fit me anymore...which I wrote about here... This was back in June (how time flies).
For some reason since I gained the extra weight I've been buying ALL my clothes at WalMart...and absolutely refused to go to the Big womens sizes..so nothing was comfortable on me. I feel like most of the clothes I buy there do not say "this is me".. they were just something to wear..
So Step 2.. I've taken a good hard look at myself this past couple of weeks and decided to get my head out of my ass...and admit..I'M BIG! I weigh over 200 pounds so of course I'm not going to fit into my size 12 & 14 clothes anymore..Even most of size 16 are tight on me...Even when I was in size 10 pants my tops were still Large..because I have heavy arms and large shoulders..this is who I am..doesn't mean that I can't look good..it just means that I don't have and never will have a model type body..
Now that I've gotten the new job and have a few extra dollars I've been buying a few clothes at Ross's Dress Barn...this was my all time favorite place to buy my skinny clothes at a great price. I can usually find tops that I feel fit my style..not old lady clothes or things teenagers wear.. I started out buying size 1X but even they are tight on me so the last couple of blouse I bought are size 2X..I probably won't be able to wear them once I start losing the weight but they are comfortable (but not baggy) on me right now and I feel like I look good .
I'm going to wear this tonight since I've gotten up the nerve to go to the AOC Monthly Social.. I haven't been for over a year because this is my Outdoors group and they are mostly all young and fit..but I love the energy these people have and find that I really miss them..I follow them all on Facebook but it's not the same...I'm making myself get out of seclusion and putting myself out there..
Monday, August 9, 2010
5 things that I love about myself!
This morning I've been spending time reading blogs for inspiration/motivation at operationbeautiful.com my new all time favorite place to be. I've been looking for blogs that relate to what I'm trying to do..finding myself..and in the process I'm finding a lot of good tools to have through others. When I get done reading I find that I feel lighter and happier. Finding happiness again...To me this is more important than actually losing the pounds right now. I'm still working on losing but I find that first I have to accept who and what I am...and to do that I need get rid of some bad habits (like negative thinking) So instead of looking in the mirror and listing all the things I hate about my body, today I'm going to look inside of myself and find 5 things I love about myself.
1. I love that I am a Loving Mom, a Fun Grami, an Awesome Aunt and a Good Friend!
2. I love that I see beauty in so many things, such as a smile, trees/flowers, a bird in flight, clouds and the stars in the sky on a clear night.
3. I love that I am spontaneous!
4. I love my freckles (they make me unique).
5. I love my strength.
That wasn't so hard! I wonder how many more things I can find?
I also working on 20 ways to love your body
I'm off to have a beautiful day!
1. I love that I am a Loving Mom, a Fun Grami, an Awesome Aunt and a Good Friend!
2. I love that I see beauty in so many things, such as a smile, trees/flowers, a bird in flight, clouds and the stars in the sky on a clear night.
3. I love that I am spontaneous!
4. I love my freckles (they make me unique).
5. I love my strength.
That wasn't so hard! I wonder how many more things I can find?
I also working on 20 ways to love your body
I'm off to have a beautiful day!
Friday, August 6, 2010
No More Negative Self Talk!
The other day my granddaughter Jessi said something that has gotten me thinking. I was telling her how beautiful she is when she said to me..."NO Grami I'm Ugly! You have to say I'm beautiful because you're my Grami. " and she truly believes it. She wasn't just saying it to get attention...she is only 7 years old and is already starting with the negative self talk. And where does she get it? I do it all the time...any time some one compliments me..I deny and find a negative thing to say..if someone says my hair is nice..I say it's a mess today.. I look in the mirror and tell myself that I look bad all the time..I notice my daughter (Jessi's Mom) does the same thing. Is this just a BAD habit? If so then I CAN and Will break myself of it...and thanks to http://operationbeautiful.com/ I now see that I'm not alone and there is help out there for me..I want to feel good about myself just how I am..I'm not waiting for the day that I have lost weight....
I love the post it note idea. I'm posting one on my mirror tonight. It's just hard for me to say that I'm Beautiful!!!..But maybe if I say enough I will eventually believe it...
Found this blog through operationbeautiful and it works for me..
http://www.healthforthewholeself.com/2010/08/be-your-own-best-friend/ great advise on how to become my own best friend..it's so true I wouldn't say any of the negative things I say to myself to my friends or to my daughter..From now on my best Friend is ME!
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Tuesday!
Having my days off in the middle of the week is certainly different for me. It feels like Saturday but everyone I know is at work..hmmm. What can I do with myself today?
I used to be organized but as you can tell by the picture of my desk this morning, things have gotten out of control and I keep putting off going through all the junk. Last time I cleaned my desk I just dumped everything in a box and put it out in the garage. I'm sure there is something in there that I should file away but since it's been a few months and I haven't needed it I guess it's no big deal..this has been my attitude about pretty much on everything in the last year. Out of site out of mind! But not anymore!
So today I not only cleaned my desk up..I put everything where it belonged. I did find a couple of things that I had totally forgotten..A poem I wrote for a party we had back in August 1996 and note my neighbor had written to me a few months ago. I got a good laugh out of both of them...Maybe someday I will blog about them.
My desk now looks like this... which I can live with a whole lot better. I love my office but have dreaded cleaning my desk so I've put it off..just like I've been doing with a lot of things in my life. I guess it's a sign that I'm on my way to a better life.
I'm going to reward myself and go out and buy a book.
Later
So today I not only cleaned my desk up..I put everything where it belonged. I did find a couple of things that I had totally forgotten..A poem I wrote for a party we had back in August 1996 and note my neighbor had written to me a few months ago. I got a good laugh out of both of them...Maybe someday I will blog about them.
I'm going to reward myself and go out and buy a book.
Later
Friday, July 30, 2010
Catch Up Time..
Where did the time go?..I see it's been a full week since I've Blogged...
Food ...I still haven't conquered the food tracking...truthfully I'm not even trying. I am trying to watch WHAT I eat but I know I've got a long ways to go before I get it right. Not going to give up though..I just have to find a way that works for me..
Exercise..The gym...I love it..I've been taking it slow and building up..because I didn't want to be so sore that I couldn't move...but I do know that I have to be a little sore or I'm not going to build the muscle back like I want. I went last night and pushed myself on doing legs...second time since I've joined back. It felt good..my legs were tired when I left the gym but they don't feel to bad today. I still haven't done the treadmill...but tonight I will..I want start off with interval jogging (can't truthfully call what I do running)...to see if I can build myself back up to running... I still want to do a 5K in the future...looking at the one @ the end of September.
First I'll see how my knees do on the treadmill and then maybe I'll go back to the park next time I'm off work and see how I do..I know if I keep pushing myself a little bit at a time I can get to where I want...just not sure about the time line...I refuse to get discouraged..if running isn't something I can do..then I'll find something else that I can do.
Motivation..I've been invited to go a Wedding in September with some friends...I would like to lose some of this excess fat around my belly by the time I go so the skirt I'm planning on wearing will fit me better..I know I won't be skinny by then (if ever)..but I want to feel good about myself. I know all my friends support me and do not judge me..I do enough of that myself...but I don't want to embarrass them..
I'm getting my hair cut on Aug 10th..keep your fingers crossed it turns out good..at least if not I'll have a couple of weeks for it to grow out before the wedding..LOL..
Excuses...I still keep making them...Didn't go to the gym a couple of times because I was too sore...or it was raining..and one other was I visited my daughter instead..Ok maybe that one was a good reason not excuse...I need to commit to the gym..and stick to it...I know once I get to the gym and start my workout that all is good and then I'm glad I went..
As for eating..I bought ice cream this week because it's hot here in Georgia..now I know ice cream makes me cough for at least an hour after..and the sugar tears up my stomach...also keeps me awake all night..so why do I keep eating it?.The Evil part of me tells me I deserve it and it taste sooo good....and that I have cut back on the scoops and etc. etc..etc..I'm not going to beat myself up about it because it's not the end of the world if I have some ice cream..it's just that I feel I'm not getting control of what I eat. This IS the biggest problem I have. I'm addicted to food...I know I need to find a way to keep from sabotaging myself..I need to take a close look at WHY I do it..just not today...(not good)...
Journaling or blogging...need to figure out why it's so hard to come here some days and easy other days..
I'm still struggling with making myself go out and do things..I've been advoiding some of my friends...not because I don't want to see or hear from them..but because I'm ashamed of what I've let myself become..
It's so easy just to pick up a book and escape into a fantasy world.
So on the Positive Side...What I did right this past week.....I went to the gym 4 times...I met with my freind Cory and got caught up with him since he's gotten back from his summer trips..I spent time with my Daughter and Granddaughter..even went out to supper with them. Last night I spoke on the phone with my friend D (who talks forever on the phone). As I've always said..I'm taking it one step at a time..
More later
Food ...I still haven't conquered the food tracking...truthfully I'm not even trying. I am trying to watch WHAT I eat but I know I've got a long ways to go before I get it right. Not going to give up though..I just have to find a way that works for me..
Exercise..The gym...I love it..I've been taking it slow and building up..because I didn't want to be so sore that I couldn't move...but I do know that I have to be a little sore or I'm not going to build the muscle back like I want. I went last night and pushed myself on doing legs...second time since I've joined back. It felt good..my legs were tired when I left the gym but they don't feel to bad today. I still haven't done the treadmill...but tonight I will..I want start off with interval jogging (can't truthfully call what I do running)...to see if I can build myself back up to running... I still want to do a 5K in the future...looking at the one @ the end of September.
First I'll see how my knees do on the treadmill and then maybe I'll go back to the park next time I'm off work and see how I do..I know if I keep pushing myself a little bit at a time I can get to where I want...just not sure about the time line...I refuse to get discouraged..if running isn't something I can do..then I'll find something else that I can do.
Motivation..I've been invited to go a Wedding in September with some friends...I would like to lose some of this excess fat around my belly by the time I go so the skirt I'm planning on wearing will fit me better..I know I won't be skinny by then (if ever)..but I want to feel good about myself. I know all my friends support me and do not judge me..I do enough of that myself...but I don't want to embarrass them..
I'm getting my hair cut on Aug 10th..keep your fingers crossed it turns out good..at least if not I'll have a couple of weeks for it to grow out before the wedding..LOL..
Excuses...I still keep making them...Didn't go to the gym a couple of times because I was too sore...or it was raining..and one other was I visited my daughter instead..Ok maybe that one was a good reason not excuse...I need to commit to the gym..and stick to it...I know once I get to the gym and start my workout that all is good and then I'm glad I went..
As for eating..I bought ice cream this week because it's hot here in Georgia..now I know ice cream makes me cough for at least an hour after..and the sugar tears up my stomach...also keeps me awake all night..so why do I keep eating it?.The Evil part of me tells me I deserve it and it taste sooo good....and that I have cut back on the scoops and etc. etc..etc..I'm not going to beat myself up about it because it's not the end of the world if I have some ice cream..it's just that I feel I'm not getting control of what I eat. This IS the biggest problem I have. I'm addicted to food...I know I need to find a way to keep from sabotaging myself..I need to take a close look at WHY I do it..just not today...(not good)...
Journaling or blogging...need to figure out why it's so hard to come here some days and easy other days..
I'm still struggling with making myself go out and do things..I've been advoiding some of my friends...not because I don't want to see or hear from them..but because I'm ashamed of what I've let myself become..
It's so easy just to pick up a book and escape into a fantasy world.
So on the Positive Side...What I did right this past week.....I went to the gym 4 times...I met with my freind Cory and got caught up with him since he's gotten back from his summer trips..I spent time with my Daughter and Granddaughter..even went out to supper with them. Last night I spoke on the phone with my friend D (who talks forever on the phone). As I've always said..I'm taking it one step at a time..
More later
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Trying NOT to be frustrated here
The keeping track of calories has never been easy for me because I don't know how many calories is in the simple things..like for instance today I'm having 1/2 cantaloupe for breakfast with my cup of tea. You would think with all the books I have in this house I could find one of the calorie counter books I used to have..No such thing..I've looked. Yesterday I went on line to find a tracking system I could use. I finally (after hours of frustration) settled on using Fitday.com. It's the one I used years ago..not bad but since I couldn't find my old account I have to start all over with the set up. I hate setting up a new food diary because I don't eat packaged foods (much) mostly I cook from scratch and I change the way I make things as the mood hits me..OK I'm starting to get upset again..I can feel the frustration coming.
Anyway Fitday does have a calorie counter but cantaloupe is not in it. I've decided I'll just write down exactly what I'm eating and the time I eat it for now..not to worry about the calories yet. Get used to journaling what I eat first then give Fitday another chance..maybe next week on my day off when I have more time to fool around with it. The one thing I do know is that I'm not going to journal WHAT I eat here!
The good news is that yesterday I went to the gym..I feel so good..I did the Elliptical and then worked out with the machines on my upper body...I'm a little sore in the pec area but other than that I feel good. I took a hot shower this morning and it took out most of the soreness. I thought my tri's would really hurt because I had them burning..I still feel a little burning in them when I tighten them but not bad. I'll go again tonight and work on my lower body.. I really thought I would have to start all over with the lower weights but it was like I had never left the gym. I felt so proud of myself and of course I ran into an instructor that I used to know and she was so supportive of me..I definitly feel this is a step in the right direction for me.
Anyway Fitday does have a calorie counter but cantaloupe is not in it. I've decided I'll just write down exactly what I'm eating and the time I eat it for now..not to worry about the calories yet. Get used to journaling what I eat first then give Fitday another chance..maybe next week on my day off when I have more time to fool around with it. The one thing I do know is that I'm not going to journal WHAT I eat here!
The good news is that yesterday I went to the gym..I feel so good..I did the Elliptical and then worked out with the machines on my upper body...I'm a little sore in the pec area but other than that I feel good. I took a hot shower this morning and it took out most of the soreness. I thought my tri's would really hurt because I had them burning..I still feel a little burning in them when I tighten them but not bad. I'll go again tonight and work on my lower body.. I really thought I would have to start all over with the lower weights but it was like I had never left the gym. I felt so proud of myself and of course I ran into an instructor that I used to know and she was so supportive of me..I definitly feel this is a step in the right direction for me.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Finding my "Happy"!
This week I've been thinking about signing back up with my gym. I cancelled my membership over a a year ago because I wasn't going for several reasons. No motivation, no gas monies and it was out of the way. When I had been going every day it was because the gym was on my home..so I didn't have any excuses then. I was (and still am) short of monies and figured since I wasn't utilizing the gym I was wasting that money. My new job is close to the gym so there goes that excuse. In thinking about what really made me happy a few years ago my mind goes to all the times I had at the gym...I actually loved it...I miss playing racquetball, doing the hip hop or kickboxing classes and just plain working out with the weights. I felt so good about myself when I was going to the gym. Many of my friends now are ones I met at the gym. I am a very social person and with my current job it is just Princess Val, her Dad, and sometimes Sandi (his girlfriend) all day and then I come home to just me. I find that I need people around me. As for the monies..I figure if I go 5 times a week it will cost me $1.82 a day, less than $2..I'm saving that much or more on gas with the new job..so I think I can swing the cost. Where else can I go and enjoy myself for such little monies.
So yesterday I went for a tour at Lifetime Fitness..it's a big gym that a lot of the peoples from my old gym went over to. It was nice, had a lot to offer (mostly for families) but the monthly cost was more than I wanted to pay and I just didn't feel comfortable there. It was too fancy..besides they didn't have a racquetball court, which is a biggie for me! And there were a lot of kids running around..Now don't get me wrong I like kids, just not when I'm working out.....I'm glad I checked it out because now I know I'm not missing anything!
SO...I went back over to my old gym and talked to the General Manager and got signed back up. The funny thing is while I was waiting for Aaron (the GM) I ran into 3 different people I knew and talked to them and this was in the off time, in the afternoon and a weekday!!! I remember that no matter what time I went to this gym I always ran into at least one person I knew. I have been a member since 2003 and I pretty much used to go everyday ...in fact I had worked at a different location for LA Fitness for a year (but I found out that I wasn't good at being a Sales Counselor, not aggressive enuff). Walking into my old gym, It felt like I had come "home"..I looked at all machines and in my mind I was figuring out what work out I would do first. I will be going today, altho it's my day off, because I have to go over that way to take care of my daughters animals while they are out of town. No excuses here.
I'm actually looking forward to it..I know that tomorrow I'll probably be sore all over but I also know that's part of getting back to where I want to be and it won't last forever (the pain!)..
The other thing I'm going to attempt to start doing today is keeping track of what I eat. I have never been good at counting calories or writing down what I eat...I hate it! I don't want to do it! I'll usually start out good for a couple of days and then give it up..I've tried using the on line tracking systems..they don't work for me..I get too frustrated with them...It's hard!!!! and I'm lazy! I just want to eat and then forget it..Oh.. I know, I've read all the books and articles how being aware of each bite you put in your mouth will help you lose weight...What with starting out with the weights again, I know that I need to not only watch the amount of what I eat but also that I get enough proteins and carbs so I can get the full benefit of my workout, and that's where tracking what I eat will help. Also When I am honest and write down EVERY BITE I'm eating, it keeps me from eating those things I know I don't need to be eating. I have to be honest with myself here...I'm not so worried about calories (altho it might surprize me how many I really eat in a day!), but more that I'm balancing my foods. More on all this at a later date when I've had time to think it over more..and also to see if I can get a tracking system that works for me everyday.
So yesterday I went for a tour at Lifetime Fitness..it's a big gym that a lot of the peoples from my old gym went over to. It was nice, had a lot to offer (mostly for families) but the monthly cost was more than I wanted to pay and I just didn't feel comfortable there. It was too fancy..besides they didn't have a racquetball court, which is a biggie for me! And there were a lot of kids running around..Now don't get me wrong I like kids, just not when I'm working out.....I'm glad I checked it out because now I know I'm not missing anything!
SO...I went back over to my old gym and talked to the General Manager and got signed back up. The funny thing is while I was waiting for Aaron (the GM) I ran into 3 different people I knew and talked to them and this was in the off time, in the afternoon and a weekday!!! I remember that no matter what time I went to this gym I always ran into at least one person I knew. I have been a member since 2003 and I pretty much used to go everyday ...in fact I had worked at a different location for LA Fitness for a year (but I found out that I wasn't good at being a Sales Counselor, not aggressive enuff). Walking into my old gym, It felt like I had come "home"..I looked at all machines and in my mind I was figuring out what work out I would do first. I will be going today, altho it's my day off, because I have to go over that way to take care of my daughters animals while they are out of town. No excuses here.
I'm actually looking forward to it..I know that tomorrow I'll probably be sore all over but I also know that's part of getting back to where I want to be and it won't last forever (the pain!)..
The other thing I'm going to attempt to start doing today is keeping track of what I eat. I have never been good at counting calories or writing down what I eat...I hate it! I don't want to do it! I'll usually start out good for a couple of days and then give it up..I've tried using the on line tracking systems..they don't work for me..I get too frustrated with them...It's hard!!!! and I'm lazy! I just want to eat and then forget it..Oh.. I know, I've read all the books and articles how being aware of each bite you put in your mouth will help you lose weight...What with starting out with the weights again, I know that I need to not only watch the amount of what I eat but also that I get enough proteins and carbs so I can get the full benefit of my workout, and that's where tracking what I eat will help. Also When I am honest and write down EVERY BITE I'm eating, it keeps me from eating those things I know I don't need to be eating. I have to be honest with myself here...I'm not so worried about calories (altho it might surprize me how many I really eat in a day!), but more that I'm balancing my foods. More on all this at a later date when I've had time to think it over more..and also to see if I can get a tracking system that works for me everyday.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Self Image
I took this picture this morning with my cell phone while I was looking in the mirror. In my mind I had this really great smile and my eyes were twinkling and I felt like I looked good. I'm not sure what other people see. I do know that most people tell me I don't look my age..not sure if they are just saying that to be nice or if it's true..I'm not so concerned about looking my age...I just want to go back to looking good like I did a couple of years ago.. I know that I will never be a skinny model type..my body just won't accept that and it won't be me..SO WHO AM I?
Lady Sue's Self Image goals. I want to be someone who's face shows that she is happy (I am a lot happier now than I was a couple of months ago). I also want to be active..to be able to do the things that I like..such as...not to be afraid to jump on the trampoline with my grandkids if I want.. (my Daughter's MIL, who is older than me, did this a couple of weeks ago at her house and I was so jealous but still afraid to make a fool of myself)..or worry about slowing people down on a hike. And of course I want a body that I don't have to be ashamed of when I look in the mirror.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
I'm not losing any weight BUT
I still feel good about myself.
This last week has been a roller coaster for me but I'm not beating myself up for it. After I posted here last I actually went to the refrigerator and instead of eating anything I could find..I cleaned it out instead..throwing away anything I knew that I didn't need...Didn't leave much but it worked for me..got my mind off from "mindless eating" and gave me something positive to do.
Sad to say but Tommy passed away the next morning. You hear all the words that people say to make it better..like "now he's in heaven and not in pain anymore" but it my heart still aches for his parents.
I went to the Funeral...lord how I hate funerals...but again it wasn't about me..I wanted to say my last good bye to Tommy.
My new job is GREAT! In my mind I've named my "client" Princess Val..We are still on the "honeymoon". She has alot of problems..Turner Syndrome, which affects her size..she's 4'3" and weighs about 60-70 lbs. She's about the size of my Granddaughter who is 7 yrs old..It's hard to remember that she is in her 30's because she is also Autistic and has Tourettes Syndrome..Her days mostly consist of being in her rooms upstairs (like a princess in a tower), and I stay downstairs, (like a ogre or maybe a guard, a nice one I hope) checking on her regularly. Which is where I came up with her nickname...This past week she actually came downstairs to watch her movies with me a couple of times..Her favorite is "Sleeping Beauty". I love to hear her laugh...it's very infectious..She has tried to "play" me against her Dad already..I'm learning that she has a little "imp" in her..but I think I can handle her..It is so much better than my last job. The house is clean and organized. I eat my lunch there because they actually eat healthy. There are a couple of things that aren't perfect but I think I can handle it after the last year.
I worked out with Billy Blanks Tae Bo tapes a couple of times this past week...was happy with the results..I was afraid that since I haven't done them for so long that I wouldn't be able to keep up with the tapes or do all of the exercises..but I did...Whooo hooo....I've come to the conclusion that I do better if I have a man instructor (except Gilad..yech)...I've tried some of the programs on FIT TV but I just get irritated at the womens voices. What's with that?
I'm still working on making a plan for my "diet"..I know that the one thing that will help me get my eating under control is to journal...I always do good for a day or two then find excuses not to do it...this time I'm having a hard time convincing myself to even get started..I'm defeating myself before even starting..Something to work on...Looking for a good program that I can stick to..the ones I've tried in the past just didn't work..
I took my truck into the shop to get some work done on it today and instead of sitting there waiting for it I took a walk to the park..actually I was going to go to the library but they didn't open up till 11 am....which was only about an half mile away...I sat under an old oak tree and just listened to the birds and enjoyed the breeze through the trees...it was so nice and relaxing..I realized that this is something I need to do more of..Funny thing was that on my walk I had a guy pull over in his truck to see if I was broke down and needed help..you have got to love small towns....LOL....
Overall I'm pretty happy with myself...I feel that I've come a long way over the last couple of months...
This last week has been a roller coaster for me but I'm not beating myself up for it. After I posted here last I actually went to the refrigerator and instead of eating anything I could find..I cleaned it out instead..throwing away anything I knew that I didn't need...Didn't leave much but it worked for me..got my mind off from "mindless eating" and gave me something positive to do.
Sad to say but Tommy passed away the next morning. You hear all the words that people say to make it better..like "now he's in heaven and not in pain anymore" but it my heart still aches for his parents.
I went to the Funeral...lord how I hate funerals...but again it wasn't about me..I wanted to say my last good bye to Tommy.
My new job is GREAT! In my mind I've named my "client" Princess Val..We are still on the "honeymoon". She has alot of problems..Turner Syndrome, which affects her size..she's 4'3" and weighs about 60-70 lbs. She's about the size of my Granddaughter who is 7 yrs old..It's hard to remember that she is in her 30's because she is also Autistic and has Tourettes Syndrome..Her days mostly consist of being in her rooms upstairs (like a princess in a tower), and I stay downstairs, (like a ogre or maybe a guard, a nice one I hope) checking on her regularly. Which is where I came up with her nickname...This past week she actually came downstairs to watch her movies with me a couple of times..Her favorite is "Sleeping Beauty". I love to hear her laugh...it's very infectious..She has tried to "play" me against her Dad already..I'm learning that she has a little "imp" in her..but I think I can handle her..It is so much better than my last job. The house is clean and organized. I eat my lunch there because they actually eat healthy. There are a couple of things that aren't perfect but I think I can handle it after the last year.
I worked out with Billy Blanks Tae Bo tapes a couple of times this past week...was happy with the results..I was afraid that since I haven't done them for so long that I wouldn't be able to keep up with the tapes or do all of the exercises..but I did...Whooo hooo....I've come to the conclusion that I do better if I have a man instructor (except Gilad..yech)...I've tried some of the programs on FIT TV but I just get irritated at the womens voices. What's with that?
I'm still working on making a plan for my "diet"..I know that the one thing that will help me get my eating under control is to journal...I always do good for a day or two then find excuses not to do it...this time I'm having a hard time convincing myself to even get started..I'm defeating myself before even starting..Something to work on...Looking for a good program that I can stick to..the ones I've tried in the past just didn't work..
I took my truck into the shop to get some work done on it today and instead of sitting there waiting for it I took a walk to the park..actually I was going to go to the library but they didn't open up till 11 am....which was only about an half mile away...I sat under an old oak tree and just listened to the birds and enjoyed the breeze through the trees...it was so nice and relaxing..I realized that this is something I need to do more of..Funny thing was that on my walk I had a guy pull over in his truck to see if I was broke down and needed help..you have got to love small towns....LOL....
Overall I'm pretty happy with myself...I feel that I've come a long way over the last couple of months...
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Feeding the Ache!
I have this ache in my chest that I keep trying to feed..altho I know that will not help!
We have friends that are going through a bad time right now. Their son who has cancer is losing his fight for life. No matter how prepared I think I am for these things or how I try to distance myself..it still affects me.
My heart aches for this family so much. I wish I could make it better for them but I know they will have to find their own way. Luckily they have some really good friends (my daughter is one of them) and support from their family..They are not alone.
Right this moment I am thinking about what I can find to eat to make this ache go away....or to just feel good for a minute. I've been where they are and know how hard it is! It brings back all the feelings and memories of the last days of my son Jason and my husband Larry. All those feelings I thought I've learned how to deal with. I know it's NOT all about ME..but that doesn't stop it!
Food has always been a comfort for me! Whenever I've needed it, it has been there! Although the feeling doesn't last at least it stops the pain for a bit. Instead I've come here to journal these feelings..I would go for a walk at the park but it is too hot out right now. I know I need to focus on dealing with these feeling I have and to learn that food is NOT my friend..it will not make everything all right! In fact if will only make me feel worse in the long run.
I did good on eating all day yesterday until I spoke with my daughter last night who told me that Tommy has taken a turn for the worse and not expected to make it to the week end. Then I started to eat....and eat..until I was sick. I beat myself up for giving into "old bad habits" and here I am today thinking about doing the same all over again..You would think that I would learn! Well maybe I have..just because I gave in last night doesn't mean that I will give up. I will conquer this and learn by my mistakes!
We have friends that are going through a bad time right now. Their son who has cancer is losing his fight for life. No matter how prepared I think I am for these things or how I try to distance myself..it still affects me.
My heart aches for this family so much. I wish I could make it better for them but I know they will have to find their own way. Luckily they have some really good friends (my daughter is one of them) and support from their family..They are not alone.
Right this moment I am thinking about what I can find to eat to make this ache go away....or to just feel good for a minute. I've been where they are and know how hard it is! It brings back all the feelings and memories of the last days of my son Jason and my husband Larry. All those feelings I thought I've learned how to deal with. I know it's NOT all about ME..but that doesn't stop it!
Food has always been a comfort for me! Whenever I've needed it, it has been there! Although the feeling doesn't last at least it stops the pain for a bit. Instead I've come here to journal these feelings..I would go for a walk at the park but it is too hot out right now. I know I need to focus on dealing with these feeling I have and to learn that food is NOT my friend..it will not make everything all right! In fact if will only make me feel worse in the long run.
I did good on eating all day yesterday until I spoke with my daughter last night who told me that Tommy has taken a turn for the worse and not expected to make it to the week end. Then I started to eat....and eat..until I was sick. I beat myself up for giving into "old bad habits" and here I am today thinking about doing the same all over again..You would think that I would learn! Well maybe I have..just because I gave in last night doesn't mean that I will give up. I will conquer this and learn by my mistakes!
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Enjoying Breakfast
Yesterday I fixed the breakfast I said I was BUT then I brought it in here and ate it while I was on the computer...afterwards I barely could remember what I ate. This is a BAD habit I've gotten into the last couple of years and It's probably going to be one of the hardest to break. I will fix a good meal but instead of enjoying it, I will be doing something else while eating it..even when I do eat at the table it's usually while reading a book. Lately I've been bad about bringing my food into the office and eating while on the computer. The problem with this is that I'm not satisfied...half the time I feel that I haven't even eaten so I go looking for something else to eat. Sometimes, especially if I eat while watching tv, I can't even remember what I ate. The other thing that is bad, is that although I love to cook and try new recipes, lately I've been only eating what only takes a couple of mins to either nuke in the micro wave.
So this morning I fixed an white egg omlete with mushrooms/onions, turkey bacon, cataloupe and a glass of mango juice AND made myself sit at the table and eat it. I took my time eating it and enjoying the flavors. Looked out my windows and enjoyed my yard..Just plain had some ME time...I did not rush through it so I could get on the computer or start reading my book. And I feel full and satisfied.
Good way to start the morning..:-)
So this morning I fixed an white egg omlete with mushrooms/onions, turkey bacon, cataloupe and a glass of mango juice AND made myself sit at the table and eat it. I took my time eating it and enjoying the flavors. Looked out my windows and enjoyed my yard..Just plain had some ME time...I did not rush through it so I could get on the computer or start reading my book. And I feel full and satisfied.Now this isn't something new, something I didn't know..in fact it's a habit I had when I lost the weight before..sometimes it's not easy to make myself sit at the table and enjoy because I've got so much on my mind or something else I would rather be doing...but I know that "Mindless eating" is one of the reasons I did not keep the weight off this time.
I can make excuses for why I fell back to not minding HOW I ate, and What I ate, But again they are only EXCUSES! But I'll try to remember just how Nice it was to sit there and enjoy my breakfast..Good way to start the morning..:-)
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